Encouragement for the Solo Parent

The clock finally struck 12 with the midnight bells ringing from a nearby church. As always, the sounds of ecstatic children erupting in joyous cheers reverberated around the neighborhood. They’re all giddy to open their gifts and wear their newly bought attire for the evening mass (our relatives are mostly Catholic) and the much-awaited Noche Buena. I, myself, could not contain my excitement— and while I was still chit-chatting with my four siblings and cousins out in the yard, I had to rush back into the house to wake my mom up from her deep sleep. 

I gently moved her shoulders back and forth with my tiny hands. I whispered, “ Mom, Mom… it’s Christmas, get up.” My poor mother was so exhausted that she could not even open her eyes. 

That Christmas Eve, Mom had decided that we would have our midnight feast in advance, unlike our neighbors who gathered at the Christmas table at exactly 12 o'clock. Looking back, I realized that late nights and remaining awake until dawn were no longer feasible as she was too worn down by fatigue.

With her eyes still closed, Mom responded by saying, “Call your siblings home and go to sleep.” Feelings of joy and excitement dissipated in an instant. I was hoping we could visit our relatives who were having parties nearby. I still wanted to take part and immerse myself in the festive activities and play with my cousins.

Needless to say, if there's one word I could describe Mom growing up, it would be exhausted. 

As a child, seeing my mother rush around, bustling about like there was no tomorrow, was an everyday sight. She was always frantically busy. The only time we could enjoy her company was at night when we were all gathered in front of the TV, watching our favorite shows, or a short few minutes during the afternoon when she would gather us for an afternoon nap. 

Needless to say, she was a solo parent for most of our growing-up years.

Many are thrust into solo parenting for a myriad of reasons. Nonetheless, most are ushered into it due to unforeseen or unavoidable circumstances. The absence of a partner can be attributed to work obligations, economic reasons, untimely death, health issues, divorce, abandonment, and other things.  

The Difficulties of Being a Solo Parent

Think about maintaining a home and disciplining strong-willed kids, all while holding a job—not to mention all other concerns that consume every adult. It simply is no trifling matter. The sheer magnitude of parental responsibility on a solo parent can be so debilitating that if you‘re not anchored in God’s Word and on His boundless grace, your parenting responsibilities, among other things that require your laser-focused attention, can swiftly wear you down, leaving you utterly depleted.

My mother has always been prayerful, and despite being quite busy, she always made sure we all prayed together before we were tucked in for the night. Nonetheless, prayerful as she was, she never allowed herself to rest in the Lord. She took everything upon herself and would not accept help. You can attribute this to her difficult childhood, but that’s another story...

As a result, Mom was perennially tired, so much so that her patience often grew thin. You can attribute her impatience to chronic stress as she strove to do multiple things all at once every single day.

More often than not, in our quest to measure up to everyone’s standards, we forget that we’re not made of steel. We strive to serve others in the best way possible, stretching beyond our limit—all these and more at the expense of our physical and mental health, not to mention the adverse impact it has on children. 

Let us be reminded that God is more than willing to lend a hand—all we have to do is receive His gift of rest.

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.'” Matthew 11:28-30

Let's then give ourselves some slack. Not everything has to be done perfectly all the time. Rest in the Lord, knowing that all our troubles, worries, and unfinished tasks will have their moment and be sorted out in due time when we cling to God and do things with purpose.

Here are some tips to help us manage stress:

1. Pray for strength, ability, and wisdom to carry out our tasks for the day. 

We can even ask God for small things, whether it be a vacant parking space or having spare time to pop over to your child’s recital and more. 

For God, there are no "small" or "big" prayers. Thus, let’s not hesitate to seek His help, no matter how small or big your request may be.

2. Not everything has to be perfect.

In one of the podcasts I listened to, the guest talked about some tips on preventing burnout. One of the topics briefly touched on was about doing the laundry. More often than not, we’re strapped for time yet we’d still stubbornly squeeze time out of our frantic schedule to ensure we finish all the laundry—not tomorrow but today. The guest suggested that we don’t need to keep all the laundry clean if we’re pressed for time. Having clean clothes for your family to wear for the next two days is good enough.

Things don’t have to be perfect. Remember what Jesus said to Martha when she felt overwhelmed with work as she had to prep and serve food to Jesus and His followers:

“And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42 NKJV 

3. Write your to-do list before bedtime, in the morning, or at the end of the working day.

While some feel more relaxed after drafting their to-do list before bedtime, others don't. According to HuffPost, thinking about your to-do list has a way of creeping up on you, causing you to feel anxious: “One simple finding is that most of us feel the need to complete a task once it has been initiated and that the lack of closure from unfinished work leads to intrusive thoughts.” 

Here’s another helpful article about the subject: Why Your Brain Dwells on Unfinished Tasks

Should you need to write down your to-do list before hitting the hay, Huffpost suggests listing your “don’t-do" list instead.

Note: To each his own. This is just a suggestion from Huffpost. Simply put, do what works for you.

4. Prioritize tasks based on urgency.

Assess your urgent goals to determine what tasks need to be prioritized. Often, multiple tasks require our immediate attention—but we should get to a point when we have to accept what is. You cannot push yourself beyond your limits because doing so will drain the life out of you.

5. Delegate tasks.

Be willing to delegate tasks to your kids. By doing so, you’re not only taking some weight off your shoulders, but it’s also an opportunity to train your children in good work ethics and foster in them a sense of responsibility. (Note: We must only delegate tasks that are commensurate with their age.)

Here is a link to a few more tips to get that much-needed rest: 10 Rules of Deep Rest for the Busy Parent

God’s Provisions to Solo Parents

In the Bible, we’ve seen how God made provisions for solo parents. Hagar, for example, during her rigorous journey in the desert with her son, received help from God:

“God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Lift the boy and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation. Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink.” Genesis 21:17 NIV

And then we have seen God’s provision in the story of Elijah and the widow:

"For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’” 1 Kings 17:14 NIV

The verses outlined above prove that when we are in our most urgent need, we can expect God to come to our rescue. And when things become unbearable, expect the Lord to lighten our burdens.

Encouraging Bible Verses for Solo Parents 

If you’re a solo parent, here are some encouraging Bible verses to reassure you that you’ll never walk this parenting journey alone:

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 NKJV

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 NIV

“She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms…Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.” Proverbs 31:17, 25 KJV.

“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 NKJV

“I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8 NKJV

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 NKJV

Knowing God for who He truly is-- rests in the assurance of His boundless grace and mercy. He will see you through even in your hardest season—for you occupy a special place in His heart, “A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows.” Psalm 68:5 NKJV.

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