Got Rebellious Teens? Here's How to Help Them Make Healthy Choices
- Emmanuel Abimbola Contributing Writer
- Updated May 09, 2024
Ella appeared to be a quiet 17-year-old girl, with an innocent and naive outward appearance. However, her appearance shouldn't be misconstrued, as she is an unfortunate but accurate example of a deeply troubled young girl.
This revelation came as a shock to both myself and the pastor when her father reported her recent situation. It was quite challenging to process the complaint because all we knew of her was that she was a decent and devoted chorister in the church.
However, when I sat down to talk with Ella and heard her side of the story, everything began to fall into place.
She was the 11th child and the youngest in the family. Ella was invisible to everyone except her 10th sibling, with whom she seemed closer.
Her entire life had been a struggle for even a tiny amount of attention from her parents and siblings, but it never materialized, leading her to feel neglected and unimportant. Ella recounted instances where her parents frequently forgot to include her in the family budget, meals, and special events.
There were occasions when they inadvertently left her behind while traveling, either turning back halfway to pick her up or asking neighbors to look after her until their return.
In her desperate bid for recognition, she began experimenting with dangerous behaviors, such as smoking and experimenting with hard drugs inside the house, until she became addicted.
She even resorted to dressing provocatively, but none of these attempts garnered the attention she sought. Eventually, she fell in with a bad crowd, bringing boys home, yet still receiving no acknowledgment or reprimand from her family. It was as though she didn't exist.
Her situation escalated to the point where she attempted suicide twice. On both occasions, she was discovered half-dead by accident. It was only when one of her siblings needed to use the bathroom that they stumbled upon her, and she was rushed to the hospital.
This last suicide incident was what her father reported to us in church when we asked why she was absent from service. But he presented it as though Ella was just a bad child who, unlike her siblings, had chosen a bad life for no reason. Thank God, I heard Ella's side of the story.
Importance of Parental Guidance in Teenage Years
Ella's story serves as a reminder of the crucial role parental guidance plays during the formative teenage years. As parents, we must recognize that our influence extends beyond mere provision and discipline; it profoundly shapes our children's emotional well-being, decision-making abilities, and moral compass.
Ephesians 6:4 instructs parents to "bring [their children] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord," emphasizing the need for both nurture and discipline grounded in biblical teachings.
Ella's upbringing lacked the nurturing and guidance essential for healthy adolescent development. Despite living under the same roof, she felt invisible and neglected, craving attention and validation from her family.
This absence of parental involvement left her vulnerable to negative influences and destructive behaviors, ultimately leading to severe consequences.
The Bible further emphasizes the importance of communication within the family unit (Ephesians 4:29). Open and honest communication fosters trust and strengthens the parent-child bond, enabling teenagers to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or condemnation.
In Ella's case, effective communication could have provided an outlet for her to express her feelings of neglect and isolation, allowing her parents to address her needs and concerns before they escalated into a crisis.
Additionally, parents must lead by example, modeling Christ-like behavior in their words and actions. Titus 2:7-8 encourages us to "in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, and sound in speech that is beyond reproach."
By living according to biblical principles, parents can impart invaluable lessons to their children, guiding them toward righteous living and wise decision-making.
Understanding Teenage Development
Understanding teenage development encompasses physical changes and cognitive, emotional, and social aspects that shape their behavior and decision-making.
Physical Changes and Hormonal Influence: During adolescence, teenagers undergo significant physical transformations as they transition from childhood to adulthood. These changes are primarily driven by hormonal fluctuations, particularly the surge in sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone.
As a result, teenagers experience rapid growth spurts, changes in body composition, and the development of secondary sexual characteristics such as breast development in girls and facial hair growth in boys. These physical changes can impact teenagers' self-image, self-esteem, and interactions with others.
Understanding these physiological changes enables us as parents to provide appropriate support and guidance to help our teenagers navigate this transitional phase with confidence and self-acceptance.
Cognitive and Emotional Development: During adolescence, teenagers' brains undergo extensive rewiring and maturation, particularly in areas responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation.
However, this process is not yet complete, making teenagers more prone to risky behaviors and emotional volatility. We must recognize and support their cognitive and emotional growth by fostering critical thinking skills, teaching problem-solving strategies, and providing a safe space for expression and questions.
Peer Pressure and Social Influences: Peer relationships play a significant role in adolescent development, influencing teenagers' attitudes, behaviors, and choices. As they strive for autonomy and identity formation, they often turn to their peers for validation, acceptance, and belonging.
While peer relationships can provide valuable support and companionship, they can also exert negative influences through peer pressure, social norms, and peer-group dynamics. We must, therefore, help our teenagers navigate peer relationships wisely.
The Role of Christian Values in Decision-Making
Christian values provide our teenagers with a solid foundation for navigating life's complexities with integrity, compassion, and purpose. Christian values offer them principles and ethical guidelines rooted in the teachings of Jesus Christ, which serve as a compass for moral discernment and righteous living.
One of the primary ways to instill Christian values in teenagers is by teaching them biblical principles. The Bible is a source of wisdom, guidance, and moral instruction that transcends cultural norms and societal trends.
By studying and understanding the Scriptures, teenagers gain insight into God's character, purposes, and His will for their lives. We can facilitate this process by engaging in regular family devotions, Bible study, and discussions centered on biblical teachings.
Through the Scripture, teenagers learn the importance of love, compassion, forgiveness, humility, and obedience to God's commands, which shape their worldview and inform their decision-making in all areas of life.
But parents must practice what they preach, modeling virtuous behavior if they long to see it in their children. By consistently upholding these moral standards and holding our teenagers accountable for their actions, we help cultivate a sense of responsibility, conscience, and character development in their teenagers.
This, in turn, equips them to make better decisions and resist temptations that may lead them astray from God's path.
As parents, we can nurture our teenagers' spiritual growth by fostering a nurturing and supportive environment where faith is built, questions are welcomed, and doubts are addressed with compassion and understanding.
By encouraging them to seek God's will in prayer, to seek His wisdom and discernment from Scripture, and to rely on the Holy Spirit's guidance, parents empower their teenagers to make decisions that honor God and align with His purposes for their lives.
Educating on Health and Wellness
Educating teenagers on health and wellness is essential for their overall well-being and development. By providing them with knowledge and tools to maintain physical, mental, and emotional health, parents empower their teenagers to lead fulfilling and balanced lives.
A. Teach about Physical Health:
Nutrition and Exercise: We can educate teenagers about the importance of consuming a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Also, promoting regular physical activity, such as sports, walking, or cycling, helps teenagers maintain a healthy weight, strengthen their muscles and bones, and reduce the risk of chronic diseases like obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.
Sleep and Rest: We should emphasize the importance of establishing consistent sleep routines and getting the recommended hours of sleep each night. Sufficient rest promotes cognitive function, mood regulation, and immune system function, helping teenagers feel refreshed and energized to tackle daily challenges.
B. Addressing Mental and Emotional Well-Being:
Stress Management: We can teach teenagers effective stress management techniques, such as journaling or engaging in hobbies and activities they enjoy. Encouraging open communication and offering support during stressful times helps teenagers feel validated and equipped to cope with life's demands.
Coping Strategies: We can also encourage our teenagers to express their feelings openly, seek support from trusted adults or peers, and engage in positive coping mechanisms like exercise, art, music, or spending time in nature. Teaching resilience and problem-solving skills empowers teenagers to bounce back from adversity and adapt to life's ups and downs with strength and resilience.
C. Explaining the Dangers of Substance Abuse and Addiction:
Alcohol and Drugs: Parents must educate teenagers about the risks associated with alcohol and drug use. Providing factual information about the harmful effects of substance abuse on physical health, mental well-being, relationships, and future opportunities helps teenagers make informed decisions and resist peer pressure.
Tobacco and Vaping: Similarly, parents should educate teenagers about the dangers of tobacco and vaping products. These substances pose significant health risks, including respiratory problems, addiction, and long-term health complications.
Guidance on Relationships and Sexuality
Guiding teenagers on relationships and sexuality is crucial for their spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. By providing them with biblical principles and practical guidance, we can help our teenagers navigate these complex aspects of life with wisdom, integrity, and respect.
We should emphasize the importance of respect and boundaries in all relationships. Discussing the concept of personal boundaries empowers our teenagers to assert themselves, communicate their needs and preferences, and establish healthy boundaries in friendships, dating relationships, and beyond.
We can also educate teenagers about the biblical principles of dating and courtship, emphasizing the importance of intentionality, discernment, and accountability. Encouraging them to seek God's guidance and wisdom in their relationships helps them make choices aligned with His will.
As parents, it is our role to shape teenagers' understanding of sexuality from a biblical perspective. The Bible teaches that sex is a sacred gift from God intended for marriage, designed to foster intimacy, unity, and procreation within the bounds of a committed, monogamous relationship.
We can share scriptures such as Hebrews 13:4, which states, "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." By grounding discussions on sexuality in biblical truth, parents help teenagers develop a healthy and God-honoring view of their bodies, sexuality, and relationships.
Parents must also discuss the consequences of premarital sex with their teenagers, both from a physical and spiritual standpoint. While popular culture may portray casual sex as normative and consequence-free, the reality is far different.
Premarital sex carries risks of unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, emotional heartache, and relational brokenness.
Furthermore, engaging in sexual activity outside of God's design for marriage can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and spiritual distance from God.
By highlighting these consequences and offering guidance on sexual purity and abstinence, we will empower our teenagers to make wise choices that honor God, respect themselves and others, and safeguard their physical and emotional well-being.
Related Resource: The 7 Biggest Reasons Gen Z is Leaving the Faith
Studies show that a majority of kids raised in Christian homes are leaving the faith when they leave the nest. It is vital that we understand the primary reasons why young people no longer believe if we want to help them return to the faith. Listen to Christian Parent/Crazy World to learn more!
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/KatarzynaBialasiewicz
