Let's Talk About Sex
- Michael Smalley, M.A. Michael Smalley is a marriage and family counselor
- Published May 09, 2001
Hey teens! Let's talk about sex!
Got your attention, didn't I? Sex is always a popular topic for teenagers and young adults. This is your time to mature biologically and discover the wonders of the opposite sex. Suddenly that girl across the room no longer has cooties, but rather, a strange and all consuming allure you're only beginning to understand.
This is why talking about sex is important. You're all interested in it, curious, and maybe wondering what it's all about. Most of you, sadly enough, are not inexperienced with sex. With our own survey at our monthly enrichment seminars around the country, almost 80 percent of our adults attending the seminars reported having premarital sex. Surprising, isn't it?
It seems all I ever heard while growing up in church and being involved with a youth group was to save sex for marriage. I imagine your experiences have been similar. So why, then, are so many Christian singles having sex?
Maybe we've been approaching this whole abstinence thing the wrong way. I know when I was growing up, sex discussions in the church youth group were usually minimal, embarrassing, and naughty. I didn't learn about the wonders of sex or the joy of sex. I was always told to stay away from it at all costs.
They told me I could get a girl pregnant, but I knew about birth control. They told me I could get diseased, but I knew condoms could protect me from such diseases. They told me it was a sin against God, but I knew I wasn't perfect and God forgives all sins equally.
As an adult, I look back and wonder how I remained a virgin, especially when statistics show that eight out of 10 of my friends were having sex. I believe we are missing something when we are teaching our young people not to have sex.
A close friend recently suggested an idea about this topic that made sense to me. We need to be teaching our children how incredible sex is! Not how bad it is, but rather how great it is in the context of marriage.
When kids are having sex outside of marriage, they have no idea what they are truly missing out on. They might think during the moment that sex feels incredibly good, but typically, moments after sex, they realize something, and it is the key to sexual purity.
"It doesn't feel right to be so close to him." This is what people who have sex before marriage are feeling. They might not admit it, and may not be saying it exactly like I wrote it. But it is true. God intended sex for marriage, and frankly designed sex for the explicit purpose of the "two becoming one."
Sex is meant to intensely bond a married couple so they become one in the flesh. Ultimate sex can only occur in the context of a committed, loving and nurturing relationship. Marriage can be all of these things! But a dating relationship cannot. This is the problem faced by young people who are having sex before marriage.
They are realizing, either consciously or unconsciously, that they have become too close. What was initially designed to draw two people closer together is now ripping them apart.
All the negative aspects of sex before marriage are still very real. Pregnancy and disease are not worth it. But if you're not worried about those things, then try and understand that what you want in life is closeness, intimacy and acceptance. None of these are possible by having sex before marriage, and in fact, it will actually make you feel worse.
If you want to know how I remained a virgin till marriage, please click here.
Visit us at Smalley Online to find more resources for your most important relationships! You will discover hundreds of free articles, online interactive relationship testing, free small group support and articles and all of our books and videos dealing with marriage, parenting, children's books, videos and small group materials for couples and churches.
Got your attention, didn't I? Sex is always a popular topic for teenagers and young adults. This is your time to mature biologically and discover the wonders of the opposite sex. Suddenly that girl across the room no longer has cooties, but rather, a strange and all consuming allure you're only beginning to understand.
This is why talking about sex is important. You're all interested in it, curious, and maybe wondering what it's all about. Most of you, sadly enough, are not inexperienced with sex. With our own survey at our monthly enrichment seminars around the country, almost 80 percent of our adults attending the seminars reported having premarital sex. Surprising, isn't it?
It seems all I ever heard while growing up in church and being involved with a youth group was to save sex for marriage. I imagine your experiences have been similar. So why, then, are so many Christian singles having sex?
Maybe we've been approaching this whole abstinence thing the wrong way. I know when I was growing up, sex discussions in the church youth group were usually minimal, embarrassing, and naughty. I didn't learn about the wonders of sex or the joy of sex. I was always told to stay away from it at all costs.
They told me I could get a girl pregnant, but I knew about birth control. They told me I could get diseased, but I knew condoms could protect me from such diseases. They told me it was a sin against God, but I knew I wasn't perfect and God forgives all sins equally.
As an adult, I look back and wonder how I remained a virgin, especially when statistics show that eight out of 10 of my friends were having sex. I believe we are missing something when we are teaching our young people not to have sex.
A close friend recently suggested an idea about this topic that made sense to me. We need to be teaching our children how incredible sex is! Not how bad it is, but rather how great it is in the context of marriage.
When kids are having sex outside of marriage, they have no idea what they are truly missing out on. They might think during the moment that sex feels incredibly good, but typically, moments after sex, they realize something, and it is the key to sexual purity.
"It doesn't feel right to be so close to him." This is what people who have sex before marriage are feeling. They might not admit it, and may not be saying it exactly like I wrote it. But it is true. God intended sex for marriage, and frankly designed sex for the explicit purpose of the "two becoming one."
Sex is meant to intensely bond a married couple so they become one in the flesh. Ultimate sex can only occur in the context of a committed, loving and nurturing relationship. Marriage can be all of these things! But a dating relationship cannot. This is the problem faced by young people who are having sex before marriage.
They are realizing, either consciously or unconsciously, that they have become too close. What was initially designed to draw two people closer together is now ripping them apart.
All the negative aspects of sex before marriage are still very real. Pregnancy and disease are not worth it. But if you're not worried about those things, then try and understand that what you want in life is closeness, intimacy and acceptance. None of these are possible by having sex before marriage, and in fact, it will actually make you feel worse.
If you want to know how I remained a virgin till marriage, please click here.
Visit us at Smalley Online to find more resources for your most important relationships! You will discover hundreds of free articles, online interactive relationship testing, free small group support and articles and all of our books and videos dealing with marriage, parenting, children's books, videos and small group materials for couples and churches.
