What Kind of Moms Are We Supposed to Be?

Over the last decade, the two of us (Emily and Laura) have embarked on our own journeys to understand what a good mom really is. If you’re familiar with our ministry, Risen Motherhood, then you might know that as sisters-in-law and friends, we talked regularly in the little years, discussing our everyday experiences as new moms. While we asked each other questions about how God’s word applied to first foods, naptime routines, and work, we didn’t realize we were asking something even deeper. Ten years into our own motherhood journeys, our deepest question started to crystallize—we didn’t just want to know what to do in motherhood, but who to be.

We’ve seen moms try to answer this question in a myriad of ways. (And of course, we’ve done it ourselves too!) It’s like we imagine a blank line before the word mom, and then we fill in that blank with something that feels like a fit. The thought process, though often subconscious and complex, might cycle through subcultures and stereotypes: homesteading mom, urban mom, overseas-missionary mom, crunchy mom, gentle-parenting mom, homeschool mom, empowered mom, trendy mom, influencer mom, stay-at-home mom, career mom, chill mom, clean-living mom, I-do-what-I-want mom, you-can’t-put-me-in-a-box mom, and so on.

Deep down, it seems like if we can just find the right word to fill in the blank, it will shore up our wavering hearts and give us the assurance we need that we’re doing motherhood “right.” We think if we just get the right picture, then we’ll have a model. And if we have a model, then there can be a handbook. And a handbook means we can finally have a formula for motherhood, erasing (or at least easing) the questions, fears, and ambiguities of our role. A tangible model for motherhood means we can be a little more sure that we’re doing it “right” and have a measuring stick to check our progress.

A Gospel Mom

But here’s the catch—no matter how much we try to model ourselves after a certain type of mom, we’ll never be able to execute it perfectly. We’ll find that we fall short and can’t keep up in certain areas. Or that life hands us trials, sorrows, and circumstances we never expected and don’t fit the mold we were trying to fit ourselves into. We might find that for a time, we can hold it all together according to our cultural model, but even that can lead to a smug and judgmental attitude as we puff ourselves up for finding “the one right way.” Eventually, we find that we’re still not totally happy with the mom we are, and we’re left longing and questioning.

Our bent to fill in the space before Mom is a good one. There is a word that can fill in the blank before mom and it’s probably not the word you’ve been searching for—Gospel Mom.

The purpose of our motherhood is ultimately rooted in God and his good design. It’s not about us; it’s about him. As women created in God’s image, we exist to “glorify God and enjoy him forever.”* We do that first and foremost by acknowledging the “bad news” that we are sinners who fall short of the glory of God and have no ability to accomplish this purpose by ourselves. Then, by believing and confessing the gospel or “good news” that Jesus Christ came to save sinners through his life, death, and resurrection, we’re made new.

Knowing Christ changes everything about who we are and how we live, including our motherhood. It isn’t just about one moment in history where Jesus hung on a cross; it encapsulates a story that we are invited to be a part of, and it gives us answers to our deepest longings and questions. As the gospel compels us to look to Christ, we learn who we really are, who we need, and who we should be. We start to understand our past and look forward to our future. We discover where we can get life, hope, help, joy, peace, rest, love, comfort, strength, and so much more. Our identities are secured so that no matter what happens to us or how we stumble, we’re safely bound to Christ, all the way through, until we reach home.

Mom, God does have a person he wants you to model your life after, and that person is his Son, Jesus Christ. God doesn’t give you a formula or a precise point-by-point, product-by-product guide for every minute decision in motherhood, but he does give you his Word, with the instructions you need to walk wisely through your unique motherhood journey. God doesn’t leave you to figure all of it out on your own. He gives you his Spirit (and the church) to empower, help, and guide you along the way.

The Joy and Freedom of a Gospel Mom

We hope you see that a Gospel Mom is full of joy and freedom. A Gospel Mom is someone who….

Gains a new heart and a new nature with Christ’s righteousness. You do good not to earn anything but because good has been done for you and you know you are capable of following the obeying God’s commands.

Knows her mission and purpose. No matter your earthy accolades, you live a life sold out for Christ, displaying his goodness to the world around you and sharing the reason for the hope that you have.

Lives free from the punishment of sin yet still wrestles with its power. You won’t be perfect, and you will struggle with this tension of a sin nature until you reach heaven’s shores. You know God is in the business of redemption—nothing is too far gone or too bad for him to redeem.

Understands the realities of a broken earth and the hardship of life east of Eden. You know suffering and sorrow will be constant companions throughout your days on earth, and you don’t expect life to always be easy.

Lives free from mom guilt. Because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ and your sins are fully paid for, you don’t have to suffer under the suffocating weight of mom guilt. If you’re struggling, you can dig under the surface and uncover whether you’re experiencing true conviction from the Holy Spirit or condemnation as you fail to meet your own or your culture’s ideals.

Rejoices because nothing can separate her from the love of God. When you fail, you can tell God, repent, and keep trusting him. He isn’t mad at you or disappointed. He loves you more than you can ever imagine. You know God promises to help you, through the guidance of his World and his Spirit and other people around you. 

Recognize the battle is against the world, the flesh, and the devil—not other moms. You know the battle isn’t really about methods, ideas, or opinions on motherhood but instead the spiritual forces of evil. You know who the true enemy is, and you stand your ground. 

Walk in freedom from fear. While you know there are many things you could fear in this life, ultimately you only fear the Lord and believe that he is in control of all things. You rest secure that it’s not up to you to control every variable or protect from all harm.

Trusts God to continue to grow and change her. You know you are sealed with the promise of the Holy Spirit, who is living and active inside of you, growing you day by day into the likeness of Christ. 

Sets her sights on eternity and the glory that awaits. You don’t live for the immediate rewards of today in your marriage or kids, your bank account, or your circumstances. Your gaze is fixed on the person and work of Christ and what matters for eternity. You live with hope and a future. 

Reference
* “Shorter Catechism of the Assembly of Divines: The 1647 Westminster Confession and Subordinate Documents,” A Puritan’s Mind, accessed November 29, 2022, https://www.apuritansmind.com/ westminster-standards/shorter-catechism/.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Fizkes

Emily A Jensen is the co-founder and content director of Risen Motherhood, a global non-profit ministry providing gospel-centered hope to moms. She co-hosts a top-rated podcast and is the coauthor of the bestselling book Risen Motherhood. Emily also wrote He is Strong, a devotional offering biblical encouragement for women in their moments of weakness. She occasionally speaks at conferences and lives in Iowa with her husband and five children. Passionate about her work, Emily also enjoys exploring personal style, beauty, and finding delight in simple things. You can find her at emilyajensen.com or @emilyajensen on Instagram.

Laura Wifler is a writer, podcaster, and co-founder of Risen Motherhood and is based in central Iowa. She has authored multiple bestselling, award-winning books for children, including, "Any Time, Any Place, Any Prayer," and "Like Me," and is the co-author of the bestselling Risen Motherhood book. You can find her on laurawifler.com or @laurawifler on Instagram. Laura is a wife and mother of three beautiful children.