When Creating Christmas Memories Costs Your Sanity

“What’s wrong with you?” If there are four words that can pierce right through a woman’s heart and make her turn into a mini version of the Grinch at Christmas (or any time for that matter), it would be these four words. And yes, my husband, while his intentions were good, had the nerve to ask me right after an emotionally draining message at church last Sunday. 

Now, I admit I was a little cold and short with everyone after our pastor shared how holiday anxiety can rob our peace. Apparently, I really needed to hear that sermon. But, besides those words seeping right into my soul, bringing a sting of conviction, I also got the elbow jab and sly wink from my guy. Grr. Was he seriously insinuating that I have been anxious? Does he truly understand the pressures that come with this holiday? Hence the cold-shoulder treatment he received on the way home from church, which unfortunately preempted his thoughtless and quick-witted response. Sigh. 

Okay, let’s rewind a bit, shall we? That way I can paint a picture of how this all got started. Confession time: Earlier this week I had a bit of a meltdown. No, it wasn’t pretty, but the responsibilities that come with this holiday can sometimes overwhelm me, and, well, cause an adverse reaction. Between decorating, baking, remembering to move the elf (which comes with its own strand of anxiety and guilt), along with all the prepping and planning, not to mention the sneaky emotions that clash with nostalgic memories and wanting so badly to create the best Christmas ever, I lost it! My emotions totally got the best of me, and the bitter tears just sort of spilled out. That’s because nothing was going according to plan. I felt I was trying so hard to make Christmas memorable, yet it was costing my sanity! 

Maybe you can relate? After all, as moms, we just want to create sweet and special memories for our families and will do just about anything to make that happen. But, at what cost? Oh, sweet sis, if Christmastime has become a source of managing chaos rather than promoting peace, then I first extend a heartfelt hug, because I am right there with you! But, let me also reassure you by saying there is hope! This year, will you join me in reclaiming Christmas peace? If so, read on!

Lower Your Expectations

Sadly, my husband opened my eyes to see that there was something wrong with me. Let me rephrase that: There was something wrong with my heart. While I wanted nothing more than to create Christmas magic and keep the central theme of Jesus with heartfelt memories that our family would be able to cherish, I was totally clinging to this unrealistic version of Christmas. In other words, I was putting undue pressure on myself and my family for a picture-perfect pipe dream! 

So, let me start with a basic question for you: What do you envision your family doing this holiday season? Maybe you have this endearing image of your family sitting together snuggling by the fireplace as one of the kiddos sweetly reads Luke 2. Or maybe you dream of your kiddos collecting gifts for the needy and joyfully sharing with others. Maybe you just want them to sit still for an entire Christmas movie. The truth is, we all have these images in our minds of how we’d like our Christmas to go. So, what is your hopeful and generally unattainable Christmas vision?

Now, hold on to that sweet memory, and realize that as wonderful as our Christmas visions for our families may be, we must be able to “keep it real.” Consider the stage of life you’re in and season your little darlings are in as well. If story or movie time comes with spills of cocoa and sibling rivalry or you have self-absorbed teens, prepare for that now. You can do so by lowering your expectations, or at least managing them. Otherwise, that memory is just going to be filled with frustration and disappointment. 

When we hold on so tightly to these lofty visions and make no room for the messes this life brings, we simply can’t enjoy it. So, give yourself permission to let go of perfection, and make a little room for the bumps, blunders, and craziness this life often brings. When we acknowledge that detours in our well-thought-out holiday plans are a certainty, we find a new freedom to enjoy the memories rather than strive to control them.

Simplify Your Schedule

Keep in mind that December only has 25 days. Yet, we are so quick to jam-pack our calendars so full of activities just to create those magical moments that we grow weary and exhausted. Keep in mind that you don’t have to do it all! Just because you can fit it all in doesn’t mean you have to. Having little to no wiggle room in your schedule also leads to heightened emotions. This is where our fuses (along with the fuses of our little people) run really short…really quick! 

Start by devising a plan now. Sit down with your spouse or the entire family, depending on the ages of your children, and discuss the “set event” dates that cannot be changed. Then take a look at the rest of the calendar. As you look at the other activities, ask yourself three questions:

1. When does this activity take place? Is it during a meal or bedtime?

2. Where is this activity? Is it close or far from home?

3. What are my expectations of this event?

During the holidays we must set clear boundaries around our time and say no to the things that could trigger emotional meltdowns and physical fatigue. Not to mention, simplifying our schedule creates space to be home for the holidays and enjoy the ones we love. This is such a sweet gift we all need to give and receive.

Honor Your Feelings

The last few years in our family have been challenging, to say the least. So, I promised myself that “this year” and this Christmas would be different—in a good way, of course. Yet, one important factor that I left off was the way it could cause an adverse reaction to my feelings that have been wrapped up in sorrow.

The other day when we were in church and I was listening to that sermon, something struck a chord, causing my anxious heart to resurface an unrecognizable grief. A grief that came with a tinge of bitterness. Yet, instead of acknowledging it, I took it out on my family with groans and grumbles, eventually leading my husband to question what was going on with me.

Friend, if your Christmas is wrapped up in big emotions, take a moment to pause and honor those feelings. Sometimes they sneak up out of nowhere, while other times you know exactly why you are feeling that way, but you can’t seem to control your reactions. In honoring our feelings and being truthful with ourselves, we invite God into that hurt and sorrow, allowing Him to do a great work in us while extending comfort and peace. 

Father, thank you for this beautiful time of year and for giving us the ultimate gift of Your Son, Jesus. As we celebrate with our families and create memories, please help us manage our expectations, simplify our schedules, honor our feelings, and, most of all, set our sights on You. Amen.

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Aaron Amat

Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.