How Can Christians Steward Singleness Well?
It's hard to be single, especially if you have found yourself single past your twenties. There is a difficult-to-define ache that resides within when those around you are experiencing and perhaps even complaining about all that comes with having a relationship, a marriage, or a family of their own. You are simultaneously happy for them while secretly crying out in your own heart for a longing to be fulfilled. You may have found yourself single for the first time in a long time, and you wonder if you have somehow missed the mark or if you will ever be blessed with a holy, beautiful, and authored love story. What is vital to hold firm to is that the time spent alone can be utilized well; in fact, it all plays an imperative role in your own story.
Aligning and Staying in the Will of God
Marriage is not something that is promised to every believer in the Word of God, at least not a human spouse. As we dig into Scripture we are promised marriage in the Bible, but the matchless, irreplaceable, supreme marriage of engaging as the Bride of Christ as His Church. This is in every way higher and better than mere human marriage, but beyond this form of marriage not every believer is promised to be wed. This is why it is important to seek the heart of the Lord in all things, and especially in His Will for your life when it comes to relationships. Psalm 37:4 showcases that, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." This verse in full means that when we delight ourselves in God, we are surrendering to Him our will, our preferences, and our agendas to be molded and formed to that which He desires for us. When we attune our hearts to His heart it is there that we are met with the true, pure, and whole desires only He can plant in seed form. If it has, in fact, been God stirring such a desire within your spirit for marriage, trust that He will bring things forward in His perfect timing and ways. Continuously seek His guidance and pray to be moved towards His will so that you stay on track for the path He has set before you.
A Time for Everything
We must also recognize that so much of life has to do with precise timing. As King Solomon wisely said in Ecclesiastes 3, there is a time for everything. This time that you have been allotted for singleness is not a punishment, it is not a prison sentence, and it is not something to squander. It helps to think of it like the Parable of the Minas or Talents found in Luke 19:11-27. Three entrusted workers are given a number of minas (an ancient form of currency) to invest and are later called back to show what their investments yielded. If we consider time to be something we can invest we are met with the opportunity to use the minas to their fullest potential. This shifts the narrative of a season spent single to something to be invested, used for Kingdom work, and utilized for all it can yield. There also exists the opportunity to partner with the Holy Spirit in what this specifically looks like in your own life, for it will not look like anyone else's. Even if you have found yourself newly single, know that you are not forsaken. There is more to your story, and He is right there with you. Invite Him in and see how this time can be used for so much more than you could even imagine.
Preparing for What God Has Ahead
If you knew the date on the calendar your life would change, how would you live differently now? Would you continue to worry if things will ever look different, or would you take advantage of all that is available for you now? Would you prepare for your future marriage or say yes to open doors you would have closed otherwise? What if you lived as if you already knew there was a date already scheduled that your life would change? This would then open the door for preparing for what you are praying for. This practically and tactically could look like praying for a future spouse, prayer journaling with the Lord how to precisely get ready to do life with them, and to partner with the Holy Spirit to plan for their arrival in your life. Imagine how much sweeter this would make your future bond stronger as you begin your future relationship, for you have been connecting with God over this person since before you knew them in the flesh. It also allows you to seek the Lord for His leading when new jobs, travel opportunities, or new prospects arise. When you live your life in a place of preparation you will also find that you savor the present even more, for you know that the present is an essential steppingstone in what you are praying for in your future.
Not Allowing Our Joy to Be Contingent Upon Circumstances
Ultimately stewarding singleness well rests in not allowing your joy to be rooted in circumstances that can change. This does not mean that you shame yourself for feeling sad at times or for acknowledging an ache when you yearn for something so excruciatingly, but it does mean that you don't allow it to steal your joy. The Hebrew word for joy is, chara, which means, "Biblical joy is more than a happy feeling. It's a lasting emotion that comes from the choice to trust that God will fulfill his promises" (Bible Project, 1). Joy roots itself in the fact that God is good, trustworthy, and who He says He is in all ways. Instead of allowing joy to require contingencies, let's choose to allow joy to abide in God, with or without the long-awaited promise.
Singleness is a season to steward, not one to stew in anxiously or bitterly. This is a time to cling to the hope that God hasn't forgotten you and He is not seeking to punish you or make you feel less favored because it is taking longer than your peers to be given a spouse. Believe it or not, He trusts you with this one-of-a-kind story. Your life is a role only you can fill, and that includes the timing of your life and the scenes in which new characters take the stage. Shifting your mindset and perspective will not completely eradicate the heaviness that comes from being single, but it will help you see the bigger picture. When we shift our focus, we also realize that it is not solely about you, God is working in your person as well. Taking the time to consider that other person will allow for intentional prayer, preparation, and respect for whatever they are experiencing now in their life. Know that this time is not something to be used in vain. It can be utilized so that when you do find yourself in the relationship God has ordained for you, you can say, "God knew exactly what He was doing and indeed has perfect timing."
Cally Logan is an author and US History teacher from Richmond, Virginia. Her works have been featured on "The 700 Club Interactive," “Jesus Calling Blog,” and “Coffee and Bible Time,” among several notable outlets. She served as a mentor for young women for several years and enjoys challenging women to develop deeper relationships with God and to live fearlessly and authentically. She received her B.A. Degree from Regent University. In her spare time, she enjoys spending time in nature, having genuine chats over coffee, and woodworking. Her new book, The Wallflower That Bloomed, is available everywhere now. Connect with Cally: @CallyLogan Instagram CallyLogan.com
Originally published January 20, 2025.
