How to Go Through Life Without Your Mom
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- Published Mar 07, 2022
If you have read any of my previous articles, you may have come across the article in which I talked about the death of my mom when I was a teenager. Maybe you can relate to the heartbreak and grief that comes when a loved one passes away.
When a loved one passes away, it changes your whole life and flips it upside down. My mom has been gone for almost six years now and I still miss her as much as I did the first day after her death. This article is for anyone who has been grieving over the loss of a mother or a loved one.
Grieving Is Okay
One thing I wish I was told after the death of my mom was that grieving was okay. I grew up with the view that we were never to cry in front of others and that we had to be strong. Instead of grieving, I was taught that you should be joyful when a loved one passed because they were with the Lord.
While I knew my mom was with the Lord, it did not bring any comfort to my soul. Rather, I was angry, bitter, and depressed. I had prayed every day when my mom was in the hospital, and I had confidence that God would heal her.
God did heal her, but it wasn’t in the way I had prayed for as God brought ultimate healing to my mom by taking her home to be with Him. If your mother has recently passed or another family member has passed away, know that it is okay to grieve.
There is nothing wrong with grieving. In fact, grieving is one of the best things you can do. Letting out all your tears will help you feel better as I recall many days crying until I had no tears left. If you feel you need to cry, don’t hold it back.
Crying does not make you weak. It takes great strength to cry and allow yourself to express your emotions, especially in front of others. Grief has multiple steps and crying is a crucial part of healing.
Coping with Your Loss
Many people believe time heals all wounds, but I have not found this to be true. Six years have passed since the death of my mother and to be honest, I don’t feel any better about it nor do I have a peace surrounding her death. Instead, I have learned to cope with her death.
Some days are better than others; however, my mom’s death has caused me to have bouts of depression throughout these past years. Feeling hopeless for the future and unsafe are two hallmarks of my heart since the passing of my mother.
It can be discouraging to say that time does not heal wounds; however, I have always found that being honest is best especially when it comes to talking about death. It is an unreal expectation to believe a person can just “bounce back” and become their normal self after the death of a loved one.
When someone close to us passes away, a part of us dies with them. I have found this to be true in my own life because ever since my mom died, I have never been the same and I have never felt the same.
I still have the hope of Jesus always pumping through my veins, yet I still miss her. In fact, I miss everything about my childhood that is now lost in memories and photographs. Maybe you can relate to this feeling.
It can be scary to admit as it searches out the deepest and darkest parts of your heart and mind. When we actually pull away from the things that keep us busy and distracted, we tend to start noticing and feeling our pain.
For me, during the time after the death of my mom, which happened during my first year in college, I was able to drown out the pain and grief by keeping busy with my schoolwork.
Keeping busy with my schoolwork by taking the most credits per semester and continuing classes through the summer helped me to remain detached from facing reality.
Since graduating from undergraduate and graduate courses, I have been hit by the largest wave of pain, grief, and depression that I have ever known in my life. I no longer have the things that once occupied my time and energy because I already finished school.
Now I am left to feel, reflect, and remember the death of my mom. For anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one, you know how painful it can be to lose that person and to have to deal with life after their passing.
Whether your mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, sibling, or pet has passed away, it is highly likely there is a big hole in your heart now. The hole used to be filled with love, laughter, and fun times with your loved one, but now it is only filled with memories of the past.
In this present life, I will never see my mother again. It will not be until I am in heaven with God that I will see her again. To know that I would never walk down a street with my mom again brings great grief to my soul.
My mom wasn’t there when my sister and I graduated from college and divinity school. She wasn’t there when I got my license, and she will never be able to ride with me in my first car. I will never be able to say sorry for all the mistakes I made, and I will never be able to make her proud again because she isn’t here.
Whenever I’m in pain or overcome with tears, I cannot call for my mom anymore because no one is coming.
I have often found myself calling her name even after all these years when I’m crying. It is a miserable business to lose a loved one and it is equally as miserable to have to walk through the rest of your life without them.
Hope Is Found in Christ
Throughout the entire time of trying to cope with my mother’s death, I have looked to the Lord for strength and encouragement. This does not mean that I have never questioned God or grown angry or doubted Him because I have.
I think it is only normal to have these feelings after the passing of a loved one, but at the end of the day, we can always look back to God. Our loved ones will die in our lives, but God will always stay by our sides.
Family members, friends, and pets cannot promise to be with us at all times as nobody knows the exact events surrounding their deaths. I’m sure my mother did not expect to die so young and miss out on seeing her three girls grow up.
It pains me to talk or write about her passing, yet I talk, and I write in the hope that it can help others to not feel so alone and afraid. Jesus is always waiting for us to turn to Him, and He can fill our hearts with His love.
When we focus on Christ and pray for Him to help us, He can give us the peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). If you have lost a loved one, know that this pain will not be forevermore. The pain will disappear once you are with Christ again.
For some people, the pain might decrease over time, but from my own personal experience, coping with the loss has been the only helpful thing I can do in my own ability.
One day, God will create a New Heaven and a New Earth, in which there will be no more mourning, death, or pain (Revelation 21:4).
Will you join me as I eagerly await for this day to come? Rest in the love of Jesus, my friend, and lean on Him during this difficult time. While God will not take away the pain, He will walk with you every step of the way (Psalm 23).
For further reading:
What Is the Meaning and Significance of 'Jesus Wept'?
How Should a Christian Respond to Grief?
5 Encouraging Verses for When You Experience Grief
How Are Those Who Mourn Blessed?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Justin Smith
