10 Questions Singles Wish They Were Asked
- Liz Lampkin Contributing Writer
- Published Mar 09, 2022
Are you married? Why are you single? When are you planning to get married? If you're a single adult, I'm sure you've heard or been asked one of these questions. Singles across the globe are often subjected to one of these questions at some point in their life. While there's nothing wrong with inquiring about a persons' relationship status, hearing the same questions can become tiresome. Why? Because there's more to life for a single person than getting married. As you engage in conversation with singles and you're confused about what to ask them, take a look at the list below.
1. How can I help you on your single journey?
Believe it or not, unmarried people are on a journey through life that entails more than marriage. Everyone has a God-given purpose in life and needs help along the way. So, instead of asking singles when they will get married or anything related to romantic or intimate relationships, ask them about their God-given purpose and how you can assist them with fulfilling it.
2. How can I pray for you?
Singles need prayer for their entire life. More often than not, when people pray for singles, their thoughts are to pray for marriage or dating relationships. Other areas in a single's life need the attention of prayer; family, work, career, spiritual growth, emotional stability. If you want to sincerely submit prayers on behalf of unmarried people, simply ask them what they would like for you to pray for. You may be surprised at the response you get. So, instead of telling or suggesting prayers, ask a single person what areas in their life they need prayer.
Related article: 10 Ways to Pray for Singles in Your Life
3. What do singles need from the church?
In many churches, unmarried people are prominent in numbers; however, there is minimum consistent support for them. When I say minimum, consistent support, I'm referring to solid singles ministries that focus on building singles for kingdom work, conferences, classes that get to the heart of what singles truly need. There are so many ways the church can support singles that will make them feel unfailingly a part of the church and uplift them during this season of their lives. Take some time to ask singles what they need from the church and make a conscious effort to fulfill those needs.
4. What do you struggle with?
Everyone has trials and tribulations. Everyone has something they grapple with. Many people, including other singles, believe that the primary struggle of singles is their desire for a life partner. It's not. Many singles struggle with emotional balance, finances, mental health, physical, depression, etc. If you really want to learn more about one aspect of a single person, ask them about what they may be struggling with. You may be surprised at what you discover and what you have in common.
5. When do you feel most vulnerable in being single?
Weddings, bridal showers, Valentine's Day, weekends. These and other events are times when many singles are most vulnerable. Date nights, certain holidays, and celebrations tend to magnify couples. Inquiring about when a single is most vulnerable will help them acknowledge and express their feelings in a healthy way. Not only this, it will provide an insight to others on how singles feel and how you can help them move beyond them.
6. What's important to you on this journey?
If you want to know more about singles, ask them what's important to them in life. Inquire about their morals, values, what you desire in a relationship, and how you prioritize yourself. Every person has different experiences, good and bad that they learn from and create their legacy. The next time you want to engage in meaningful conversation with an unmarried individual, inquire about what they value most in life. The things you learn may help you on your journey.
7. What do you wish people would stop asking you?
Questions are an essential part of learning. We ask them to find out more information, clarify things, or gain a new or better understanding of something or someone. However, sometimes some questions can be too personal, harsh, or uncomfortable. For instance, people often ask single women or women in general when they will have children. While this question is seemingly harmless for the person inquiring, for the person on the receiving end, it may be a grim reminder of struggles with infertility. While it's always good to ask questions, it's better always to be mindful of what you're asking.
8. What are your single goals?
Every person has goals in life. For singles, one goal may be to have a life partner, but it's not the only goal. Singles are ambitious in many areas of their lives. Take some time to ask questions centered around a singles' present and future intentions, without including whether or not they want to be married.
9. How often do you celebrate yourself?
Couples have the privilege of celebrating engagement anniversaries, wedding anniversaries, and first dates. What do singles have to celebrate? Plenty! They can commemorate when their last relationship ended, celebrate the goodness of being single, and purchase gifts from you. The next time you find yourself celebrating a special occasion with your significant other, take a moment to ask a single person how many times they honor themselves for the amazing person God created them to be.
10. How do you define yourself?
Single, married, divorced, widow, re-married. All of these are relationship statuses people often use to define who they are. This is fine, but a relationship status should not be the first or only thing used to characterize themselves. When a person represents themselves, it should include images of themselves, a distinct personality description, and any additional details you find amazing about yourself. During a conversation with singles, ask them how they see themselves without including their relationship status. It's important for everyone to know and understand who they are as an individual before they become one with someone else.
As you continue interacting with singles, try to be mindful of information you're airing about. While your intentions may be good, it will be beneficial to both parties if you are intentional and take the following steps before asking singles certain questions:
a. Be mindful of your tone. You don't want to sound sarcastic, arrogant, or condescending.
b. Be mindful of the questions you ask. You don't want to offend anyone.
c. Be aware of your surroundings. You don't want to ask singles when they're getting married while attending a wedding. It puts them in an awkward position and may unintentionally bruise their confidence.
d. Be cognizant of why you're asking specific questions. Will the answers benefit you or the single person?
As you take these steps, there are also questions you may want to avoid:
- When are you having children. Instead, ask, do you desire to have children?
- When are you getting married or why aren't you married yet? Instead, ask, are you interested in marriage?
- Are you dating anyone? Instead, ask, has anyone piqued your interest?
- Do you get lonely? Instead, ask, what are some of your hobbies?
- What happened to your ex? Instead, ask, how's your relationship going?
If you or someone you know find yourself asking singles any of the questions above, please think about how you will ask them and be prepared for whatever response you get. It's not easy being single. It's not easy being married, but it is easy to love one another as God commands us to, and part of showing that love is having compassion in all that we say, do, and ask.
