Swipe Left: 10 Ways to Know if that Christian Tinder Match Isn't for You

1. He or She asks for Your Snapchat Right Away

This one may sound a little odd, and it did to me when one of my best friends, a fellow believer, had mentioned several men had asked for her Snapchat handle before her phone number. She immediately stopped talking with them.

“They usually want to see more pornographic content if you send them your Snapchat,” she explained. “Snapchat, after all, is a picture and video platform. If they want a Snapchat instead of a number, there’s probably an underlying motive.”

Scripture warns against the “desire of the eyes” (1 John 2:16). Even if they innocently want our Snapchat handles, best avoid that temptation.

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2. Their Bios Indicate They Want Something Very Casual

Although Scripture doesn’t give a clear outline for dating, as it is a more recent phenomenon historically speaking, it does speak against sexual relationships outside the bounds of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:2 indicates this, for instance.

No, we don’t have to jump into a marriage right after the first date, but we should have a marital-partner mindset going into any relationship.

If they just want to have a good time, it might be time to say goodbye.

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3. On the Other Hand, They Want a Wedding Two Weeks After the First DM

Having just recently graduated Taylor University, we have a lovely thing known as “Ring by Spring.” Or, in the case of graduating seniors, “Senior Scramble.”

In the last two weeks, a certain frenzy overtakes the school that involves:

• An influx of students crowding the coffee shop situated in the student center for one-on-one dates (coffee, at Taylor, is almost a code-word for courting)
• Students flirting with anything that breathes
• A flood of group dates under the disguised name “pick-a-dates”

in which seniors hope to find their mate before putting on a graduation gown.

Sometimes online dating can work the same. But if fear of loneliness or the desire for sex rushes a couple into a quick marriage, these can sever a relationship just as quickly as it started. Two people become one flesh (Matthew 19:6). It’s somewhat hard to do that if we don’t even know basic details like conflict style, love language, or if they want children or not.

Which leads to the next point:

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4. You Find Yourself Compromising Standards

Back in high school, we filled out a sheet for our Christian Relationships class. We divided the paper into three columns:

• Must Haves
• Would Love for Them to Haves
• Don’t Care

We would then fill out each column about potential traits in a future spouse. Although some students placed “a willingness to have children” in the Must Haves, others stuck that in the Don’t Care column. Seeing that the males and females in the class waffled on that issue, it would’ve been disastrous to pair them together in a marital relationship.

Do you find yourself compromising? Do you feel called to the international mission’s field, but she won’t leave Ohio? Do you want to save yourself for marriage, but you find he’s pressuring you to go further than you want, even over text? It might be time to end the chat.

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5. When Asked About Faith, They Quickly Change the Subject

Peter implores us to give an answer for the hope we have in Jesus (1 Peter 3:15).

If my date struggles to elaborate on this hope in a brief chat, then I worry what would happen when they are thrust into a situation where they’re not talking with a Christian. 

Granted, perhaps they accidentally switched the subject to what animal would we ride into battle (from personal experience, it has happened...dinosaurs won). But, if this happens a consistent number of times, this could raise a red flag.

Or:

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6. They’re Not a Christian at All

As Christians, we experience the life-changing grace of God (2 Corinthians 5:17). We marvel at how He has transformed our lives and the lives of others.

We see an attractive match on a dating site. He or she loves all the same things that you do. You even have the same favorite Marvel superhero. You stumble across his or her feed on Facebook and notice a meme mocking God. Or a post about how if God existed, He must be a malevolent dictator who hates his Creation.

Yikes.

Definitely not a Christian.

But we can change that through a marriage, right?

Nope. The Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14). This means, we need to avoid marrying someone of a different faith or of no faith at all. After all Christ, stands at the center of our relationships. If we marry someone with a different center, the two become one will be quite painful.

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7. They Talk Badly About, or Badly Treated Their Exes

As someone who has dated a handful of guys and gone on many one-on-one dates in college, the temptation to talk badly about a previous relationship can arise a great deal in conversation.

What words do they use to describe a person from a previous relationship? “Crazy,” “Whiny,” “Irritating,” and “Awkward?" Or do they still acknowledge that every human being is a loving creation made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27)?

Some relationships are awful, and they should definitely be brought up in a relationship you want to pursue. But, if they only bring up an ex to talk bad about this, this could foretell how they’ll talk about you if the relationship doesn’t end up working out.

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8. They Try to Present Themselves as Perfect

Paul, after receiving saving grace from God, admits he does what he does not want to do (Romans 7:15). This comes from a man who penned a good portion of the New Testament, brought many to Christ, and endured some of the greatest hardships any Christian in history ever had to undergo.

We all sin. Mess up. Fall short of perfect, even after being saved by perfect grace.

But if your match tries to present themselves as blameless, almost to a Pharisaical sense, this could set off some warning bells.

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9. With Friends Like These, Who Needs...?

Whenever I hang out with my best friend Carlee, I copy some of her mannerisms and sayings, even without noticing.

When I spend time with my younger Gen Z brother, I end up repeating phrases I’d never thought I would such as, “yeet” and “it’s lit, fam.”

We become chameleons of our friends, and the same goes for whoever DMs us. If they mention going out to the club every other weekend with friends or how their friends enjoy the occasional one-night stand, this could tell you that bad company might corrupt his or her good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33).

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10. They Treat Their Families Badly

This can run into a number of problems, depending on how you slice it. Families, after all, can create a catalyst of high tensions or life-changing relationships. But if you find them doing the following, you may need to have a serious conversation:

• Complaining frequently about members of their family
   
• Being somewhat clingy with certain members of their family (such as younger Christians who are still living at home, who aren’t eager to leave home any time soon)
   
• Refusing to reconcile or attempt to heal from a very jaded familial past 

Granted, some familial circumstances can leave people in devastating situations, ranging from abuse to divorce. But if they seem to dwell on those hardships for a long period of time, or look to you as the source of salvation from a broken past, you may need space.

They want you to do a job only God can do.

Hope Bolinger is a literary agent at C.Y.L.E. and a recent graduate of Taylor University's professional writing program. More than 300 of her works have been featured in various publications ranging from Writer's Digest to Keys for Kids. She has worked for various publishing companies, magazines, newspapers, and literary agencies and has edited the work of authors such as Jerry B. Jenkins and Michelle Medlock Adams. Her column "Hope's Hacks," tips and tricks to avoid writer's block, reaches 2,700+ readers weekly and is featured monthly on Cyle Young's blog, which receives 63,000+ monthly hits. Her modern-day Daniel, “Blaze,” (Illuminate YA) comes out June 3, and is up for preorder now. Find out more about her here.

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