5 Things Christian Singles Wish the Church Could Understand

1. Being Single Isn't My First Choice

Most singles do not dream of being unmarried. Often the reasons we are unattached are some of our most personal and painful points. Sometimes, the mere fact we are single is one of our deepest struggles. But at the end of the day, our singleness only means we are not married. There is nothing inherently wrong (or right) with us. We are not more (or less) mature or spiritual. Our character is not necessarily lacking (or superior). We have days we feel sorry for ourselves, and days we are content and happy. But, remember, just like you, we are called to one magnificent obsession (and it's not to find a spouse). Our mission is to do all, even the hard things like staying single, for the glory of God.

2. I Wish it Wasn't, But Singleness Is God's Gift

It's kind of like cheating because the doors with the prizes behind them are already labeled: marriage and single. And we think we know what those words mean. Marriage means roses, love, and happiness; singleness means a dozen cats or maybe a dog if you are lucky. The problem is we don't really know what those prizes look like for everyone, only God does, and He's leading us to one door or the other.

Every Christian is given one of these gifts. (That, at times, they may not appreciate or desire.) Many Christ followers please God by getting married. But some please God by not marrying. To the first, God has given marriage so they can grow closer to Jesus and draw others closer to Christ, especially their spouse and children. In marriage, they demonstrate the glories of Christ's relationship with His Church. To the second group, God has given singleness as a gift so they can grow in the likeness of Christ and build up His Kingdom however God requests. In singleness, they are freely and wholly devoted to pleasing their Savior. Remember, that is the goal of the Christian life, to please God--not to become married Christians.

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3. We Have Everything Important in Common

Have you ever noticed how we get hung on things that don't eternally matter? Hobbies. Professions. Possessions. The logo on the other person's jersey. Whether our Christian brother or sister is married or single - because married people go to this class and single people go to that one. But young, old, married or not, everyone who believes in Christ as Savior will be in heaven together. There will be no marriage, and everyone will be really old!

All Christians are sons and daughters of God the Father. We are in the same family, part of the same body by the same faith and baptism. And we all submit our lives to the Lord, His will and Word, and seek to do this by the same Spirit. And based on this, we, therefore, have unity as Christ's Church. All races. All ages. Both sexes married and unmarried. We study together. Pray together. Serve together. Live together and worship together. So always remember what we have in common far outstrips our differences.

4. See Me! Pick Me!

It always seemed to be the ticket. Once you got married, then you could join the adult Sunday School and go on men's or women's retreats. Once you've got that gold band – congratulations, you've made the team! Now the Church welcomes your participation and your service.

It shouldn't be this way. Single people don't have less to contribute to the ministry of the Church. God contends they actually have more. His gift of singleness gives them more time, energy, and focus to dedicate to Christ and His Church. Don't overlook these wonderful people. They are an asset He has provided. Take note of your single brothers and sisters. Invite them to join the family! Ask them to come, serve, and minister. Remember, half the New Testament was written by a man who wasn't married.

5. I Need Your Help

Raise your hand if someone at Church has offered to set you up. Look at that – nearly every hand raised. Now, raise your hand if someone at Church has prayed with you to continue living single for God's glory. Hopefully, as many hands went up, but probably not. In our church culture, single is often interpreted to mean "I need help getting un-single." And while we do need help, lots of it, God will handle the "getting un-single." We need the Church's help with a bigger problem.

And being single is not our biggest problem. In light of God's Word, it probably does not even make the top ten. Our biggest problem is the same as everyone else's: We are sinners. And, without Christ, the wages of sin is death, eternal separation from God. But, with Christ, we can live in freedom from sin and freedom to serve God. And that's what we need help with: living the Christian life.

Like married church members, we need prompting to continue obeying Christ and displaying Him to others. We need to be encouraged that our service to God and others has value and worth. We need the fellowship of other soldiers in this fight of faith, others who will pick us up and say, "God always wins. Keep fighting! I'm here for you." God will address our singleness in His way and in His time. But until then, remember, we need your support to take up our cross daily and follow Christ. We need your help to continue on as dedicated, useful, and beloved servants of our God.

Learn more about Alisha's newest book, Confessions of a Christian Spinster:

Being single in today's church often feels like a waiting game. You're put on hold in ministry, service, even spiritual growth until you say "I do," and you're either pitied or not seen at all. Unlike today's church, God is not mystified by the presence of unmarried Christ-followers in the pews. In fact, he has masterful plans for those without a ring on their finger. Alisha Plummer points out how God is eager to empower them with purpose and passion.

In Confessions of a Christian Spinster, Alisha explores God's design specifically for Christian singlehood through amusing tales and scripturally based truths. She tackles the difficult questions the church often ignores, like: Where do I fit in? Does the church even want me? Has God forgotten about me? What happens if I never get married? Further, she confronts the church, calling for an adjustment to its couple-centric culture, and asking Christians to understand that their single brothers and sisters are not only valued by God but integral to his kingdom.

Singles will feel seen through Alisha's words; they'll be encouraged to seize their role in the church and inspire their pastoral staff to reinvent their culture on singleness. is a powerful resource for those seeking to live and thrive in a perplexed church--and a way forward for the church itself.