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What Does Healthy Independence Look Like?
- Liz Lampkin Contributing Writer
- Updated Jul 08, 2022
Independence is often thought of in a negative and positive light. It can be a complicated concept for those who don’t truly understand what it means or what healthy independence looks like. Independence can be defined as freedom from external control, living life without attachments, self-governing, or not depending on someone for financial support. This life concept looks several different ways from a physical aspect. Many people are considered to be independent if they live alone, are financially stable, are unmarried, run a successful business, find it difficult to ask for help, travel alone, or even go out for casual outings on their own. All of these traits are what typically define independence. However, many of these things may not cultivate the necessary balance for living a healthy, independent life. Why? Because often, many of these things can lead to social isolation, bitterness, and depression and cause someone to miss out on many valuable relationships in life. If you’re a self-proclaimed independent person and want to know if your lifestyle is truly beneficial, check out the list below to discover whether or not your independence is healthy for you and those around you.
1. Knowing That You Need to Depend on Others
The first step in living a healthy, independent existence is knowing that you need others to survive. Familial, social, workplace, church, and intimate relationships are necessary. However, each relationship should nurture your soul and your growth. Everyone needs someone for something. No one can do it all alone. After all, the word independent cannot exist without the word dependent.
2. Establishing Healthy Relationships
This is vital for living a healthy, independent, or co-dependent life. Many people have a variety of relationships; however, many of them are unhealthy. In order to have healthy relationships in every aspect of your life, you must have the following:
a) Mutual respect. You have to respect yourself and know your worth. Doing this will show others how to respect you when they are in and out of your presence. Not only do you have to respect yourself, but you have to show respect to those around you. Many people who deem themselves independent tend to be dismissive or believe that they don’t need others, so they tend to treat others harshly. If you want to get the respect you deserve in relationships, you need to give it genuinely.
b) Trust. Trust in any relationship is key; however, this component takes time. Allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable with people takes courage. It also requires developing a certain level of confidence in others where you are comfortable in their presence.
c) Time with boundaries. Spending quality time with people is another crucial aspect of having healthy relationships. Planning fun and interactive activities with people you want to develop quality relationships with can give you a new lease on life. However, it’s important to establish boundaries for your comfort. Remember that when you’re spending time with people, you must be fully present. Experience who they are willing to give you in the moment, and allow them to do the same with you. Share with them what you want them to know during that time. You can decide if you want to open up more later.
d) Effective communication. Listening to understand and speaking to provide quality insight will never get old in any relationship, new or seasoned. If you’re going to live a healthy, independent life, effective communication is vital for anyone who will interact with you.
3. Having an Active Social Life
Getting out and being social is important. There are many things to do or social circles to become a part of. Whether you go at it alone or with others, take some time to go out and experience new and familiar things.
4. Being Open to Change and Growth
One facet of independence people often overlook is the period of growth. Many people are born independent, while others morph into this lifestyle. It can result from past or present trauma with relationships or working through healing. No matter how a person decides to become independent, one necessary stage is a time of isolation for reflection and growth. This is when one should discover how their independence came about and how they will move forward with it. As one moves through this stage, they should expect changes to come about and be open to them.
5. Creating Healthy Boundaries
Cultivating healthy boundaries is not limited to having them with others but establishing them with yourself. Making your expectations clear, being okay with saying no, being disciplined and understanding your wants and needs, valuing your own opinions, and balancing when to get involved with others works with establishing healthy boundaries within yourself and others.
6. Having a Strong Relationship with God
Independent or dependent. To live a peaceful existence, experience love, and be the person you were created to be, you must have a strong relationship with God. Read and study the truth of His Holy Word daily, pray with Him often, listen to the truth of His Word, and attend biblically sound conferences for your walk in discipleship. This is just a start to how you can establish a profound relationship with God. No matter how independent you are, you cannot live life without God. After all, He is the One who breathes life into you every day.
7. Establishing Routines for Yourself
Routines are the perfect way to allow yourself to achieve long-term, short-term, or day-to-day goals. They also help you manage your life, relieve stress and anxiety, and improve your mental health. Everyone needs to have a plan for their lives and creating routines for yourself is one way to do so.
8. Spend Quality Time with Yourself for Reflection
Reflecting on who you are is vital to your growth. Thinking about who you are and establishing goals for who you want to become is a big part of healthy independence. Doing this keeps you focused, helps your growth journey, and helps you understand who you are and who you want to become.
9. Be Content with Every Choice You Make
Being an independent person forces you to make decisions for your life that others may or may not support, and that’s okay. If you have deemed yourself as independent, it’s important that you are secure with every choice you make because they will directly affect you and can ultimately affect your relationships.
10. Understand That it’s Okay to Ask for Help
As stated previously, everyone needs someone. No one can go through life alone. Asking for help comes easy for some, but it can be difficult for others. Many people refuse to do this because of past experiences; they don’t want others to bring up the help they asked for, and the biggest reason of all is pride. While there are other reasons people may not want to ask for help, it is still a necessary part of life. It is okay to seek help. It’s also okay to take help that is offered.
Independence is wonderful. You get to go through life on your own terms (as you’re led) and live out loud as you see fit. However, it’s important to live this life healthily so you can get the best out of it. As you continue your journey, I pray that your independence and your interdependence create the balance you need to do the things God wants you to do.
