6 Ways to Show Respect at Church

Companies are finding that people have forgotten how to act at work. And younger workers entering the workforce for the first time have no sense of previous decorum. Specifically, such things as how to dress or how to connect.  

Should I respond with a phone call or text, or should I use Slack to reach a co-worker? How do I communicate through my calendar? What is appropriate behavior over Zoom? How casual is too casual in my dress? Should I wear a tube top as a skirt? (That is a real issue, apparently). Thus, the boom in business etiquette classes with titles like “Manners at Work” and “Business Etiquette for Professionals.”

Companies are not alone in needing to be more specific about expectations and address matters of proper behavior in a workplace setting. With in-person attendance on the rise again, churches are finding they need to make a few things clear about in-person etiquette as well. So, what would a “Manners at Church” class entail?

Here are six concepts that might be helpful to teach:  

1. Arrive “in” time. Notice how I phrased that. Not “on” time, but rather “in” time. That is because you should factor in parking, the time needed to check your child into children’s ministry, perhaps getting a cup of coffee, and then finding a seat—all before the service actually starts. That’s where the “on” time comes in—being settled in your seat before the service starts.

2. Use the Children’s Ministry. A noisy, talkative, or crying child in a service disturbs the service for everyone. Churches have a children’s ministry not only to protect the adult experience, but also to ensure that an age-appropriate experience is provided for the child. Win-win. Yes, some churches may feel it’s important for the entire family to be together in such settings, but not many. It’s just too disruptive. Honor the adult service by using children’s ministry, and if you don’t, exit with your child promptly when they become a distraction.  

3. Don’t get up and leave during the service. If at all possible, that is. Emergencies happen. But if you already know it’s a possibility, or you deem it a personal freedom, sit near the back so that you are as least distracting as possible. The most disruptive departure imaginable is when someone sits near the front, waits for the message to begin, and then decides to get up and go to the bathroom or get a refill of coffee. And then, of course, returns to their seat. This really should be seen as a “no-no.”

4. Dress appropriately. Most churches encourage casual dress, but there is a difference between casual and distracting. No one should come dressed to church in a way that is attempting to titillate. Unfortunately, this isn’t a new concern. Even the apostle Paul had to address this with the Corinthians. You are going to a gathering of people for the purpose of worship and spiritual growth. Dress in a way that doesn’t denigrate that, and that includes what you might have emblazoned on your T-shirt. Not only shouldn’t you distract, you also shouldn’t offend.

5. Limit your “Amens.” Every church has its own style—some are more vocal and exuberant than others in response to worship and messages. But there is one lesson in etiquette that cuts across all gatherings: do not worship or respond to a message in a way that unduly draws attention to yourself. Raise your hands, but don’t cause a scene. Say “Amen” if you feel so prompted, but not after every sentence and in a way that is obviously simply letting your voice be known. God is the focus, not you.     

6. Let the service end before you leave. Churches end their services in all kinds of ways—a closing prayer, a closing song, some quick announcements. Don’t get up and leave when you sense those closing moments have come just to get a head start on exiting the parking lot or picking up your child. And think... what does it communicate to God if the minute someone says, “Let me close us in prayer,” you pop up to leave like someone yelled “Fire!”?  

There are more we might add, like “Don’t honk at the car in front of you in the parking lot” or “Flush the commode after you’re done in the restroom,” but let’s hope that some things still go without saying.

Or maybe it’s good I added those two.

James Emery White

Sources

Taylor Telford, “Business Etiquette Classes Boom as People Relearn How to Act at Work,” The Washington Post, October 24, 2024, read online.

Photo Courtesy:©Getty Images/PixelCatchers

Published Date: November, 14, 2024

James Emery White is the founding and senior pastor of Mecklenburg Community Church in Charlotte, NC, and a former professor of theology and culture at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, where he also served as their fourth president. His latest book, Hybrid Church: Rethinking the Church for a Post-Christian Digital Age, is now available on Amazon or from your favorite bookseller. To enjoy a free subscription to the Church & Culture blog, visit churchandculture.org where you can view past blogs in our archive, read the latest church and culture news from around the world, and listen to the Church & Culture Podcast. Follow Dr. White on X, Facebook, and Instagram at @JamesEmeryWhite.