How to Disciple Your Wife

One gifted author has identified 25 ways to be a husband discipling his wife:

1. A husband discipling his wife includes his wife in envisioning the future.
2. A husband discipling his wife accepts spiritual responsibility for his family.
3. A husband discipling his wife is willing to say "I'm sorry" and "forgive me" to his family.
4. A husband discipling his wife discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure these are fairly distributed.
5. A husband discipling his wife seeks the consultation of his wife on all major financial decisions.
6. A husband discipling his wife follows through with commitments he has made to his wife.
7. A husband discipling his wife anticipates the different states his marriage will pass through.
8. A husband discipling his wife, likewise, anticipates the stages his children will pass through.
9. A husband discipling his wife frequently tells his wife what he likes about her.
10. A husband discipling his wife provides financially for his family's basic living expenses.
11. A husband discipling his wife deals with distractions so that he can talk with his wife and family.
12. A husband discipling his wife prays with his wife on a regular basis.
13. A husband discipling his wife initiates meaningful family traditions.
14. A husband discipling his wife initiates fun outings for the family on a monthly basis, or even more often.
15. A husband discipling his wife takes the time to gibe his children practical instruction about life, which in turn gibes them confidence with their peers.
16. A husband discipling his wife goes over the upcoming week with his wife to clarify their schedule and anticipate any pressure points.
17. A husband discipling his wife keeps the family out of debt.
18. A husband discipling his wife lets his children into the interior of his life.
19. A husband discipling his wife makes sure he and his wife have drawn up a will and arranged a well-conceived a plan for their children in case of death.
20. A husband discipling his wife lets his children into the interior of his life.
21. A husband discipling his wife praises his wife often in public.
22. A husband discipling his wife explains sex to each child in a way that gives him or her a wholesome perspective.
23. A husband discipling his wife encourages his wife to grow as an individual.
24. A husband discipling his wife takes the lead in establishing wit his wife clear and will-reasoned convictions.
25. A husband discipling his wife joins a small group of men who are dedicated to improvising their skills as husbands and fathers.
26. A husband discipling his wife provides time for his wife to pursue personal interests.  

How Are Husbands to Disciple Their Wives?

First we need to consider what every wife needs to succeed:

Companionship: Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Security: Proverbs 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Significance: Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Emotional Responsiveness: Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.  

Second, we as husbands need to provide for our wife what she desperately wants to know about us:

What we look to as we define our identity,
How very deep is our insecurity,
How we measure our success by our performance.  

Then our wife can understand that we need them to help us succeed:

1. A husband needs to feel his wife's admiration, 
2. A husband needs to feel his wife's support, 
3. A husband needs to feel that his wife supports him in his work, 
4. A husband needs to feel his wife's support for him in public, 
5. A husband needs to feel his wife's support through all the seasons of life.  

Common Christian Marriage Headaches

Without a growing marriage of shared life, following Christ's Word together most marriages end up with these common Christian marriage headaches: 

1. An unbiblical husband with irresponsible headship (This husband is nothing but a little boy in search of a mommy, and he seems to have found one in his wife. He is thoroughly self-centered, but manages to appear to others as a loving an devoted husband.); 
2. An unbiblical husband with an emotionally detached headship (This man is one of the most stable and even-tempered men in his community. He has been asked to serve on the boards of numerous organizations because of his organized mind and methodical way of making decisions. He is about as detached and emotionally unavailable as a father can get.); 
3. An unbiblical husband with a dictatorial headship (His idea of being "head of the household" means that nothing happens without his approval. Whenever his wife dares to question his authority or decisions, he resorts to intimidation tactics and then goes into a blind rage.); 
4. An unbiblical husband with a workaholic headship; (This man never leaves work mentally or emotionally. He lives under pressure and sprays his family with his frustrations);
5. An unbiblical husband with a spiritually apathetic headship (This husband is a believer and a church attender. But beyond that he's unresponsive to spiritual thing he never exercises spiritual leadership in this home. And that void blocks an intimacy his wife years for.)

Click here to move ahead to study “The Seven Deepest Needs of Your Wife”