A Thousand Sharings
Today’s Truth
“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes
Friend to Friend
When I was first married, there were not an abundance of marriage books on the market, and I wanted to learn everything I could about how to have a godly family. However, one favorite, A Severe Mercy, by Sheldon Vanauken, made a lasting impression on my heart. It was an autobiography about the love between Sheldon and his wife, Davy. It wasn’t meant to be an instructional book, but it held many treasures that impacted my marriage and my life.
In its pages, Vanauken shared one of the key elements of his and Davy’s profound love.
“Look,” we said, “what is it that draws two people into closeness and love? Of course, there’s the mystery of physical attraction; but beyond that, it’s the things they share. We both love strawberries and ships and collies and poems and all beauty, and all those things bind us together. Those sharings just happened to be; but what we must do now is share everything. If one of us likes anything, there must be something to like in it – and the other one must find it – every single thing that either of us likes. That way, we shall create a thousand strands, great and small, that will link us together. Then we shall be so close that it would be impossible - unthinkable – for either of us to suppose that we could ever recreate such closeness with anyone else. And our trust in each other will not only be based on love and loyalty, but on the fact of a thousand sharings – a thousand strands twisted into something unbreakable.” (Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy (New York: Bantam Books, 1977), 27)
Vanauken beautifully described the unbreakable bond that exists between intimate lovers and friends. In another book, he warned of creeping separateness that can threaten that oneness.
There is such a thing as creeping separateness. What do young people who are freshly married do? They can’t rest when they’re apart. They want to be together all the time. But they develop separate interests, especially if they have separate jobs and some separate friends. So, they drift apart. Soon, they have little in common except, maybe, the children. The stage is then set for one of them to fall in love with someone else. Later they’ll say the reason for the divorce was that he/she fell in love with someone else, but it wasn’t that at all. It was because they let themselves grow apart. ( Sheldon Vanauken, quoted in 601 Quotes About Marriage and Family, Compiled by William and Nancie Carmichael (Wheaton, Ill: Tyndale, 1998) 80).
How do we create those thousand strands twisted into something unbreakable so that creeping separateness doesn’t have a chance to occur? We take an interest in our spouse’s work, play, and world.
His Work: Take an interest in what he does at work. Ask about his projects. If he’s in construction, visit the building site. If he’s a stock broker, learn how to read those little numbers in the Wall Street Journal. If he’s a salesman, ask how you can pray for his sales calls. Be interested in what he’s doing, not just the paycheck he brings home.
His Play: Find some activity that you can do together whether it is a sport or a hobby. If he likes a particular sport, learn the lingo and ask about the game. If he plays a sport, go to his games. Have fun together.
His World: Share more than a house. Share a life. We have no “his” and “hers” towels in our home. It is one life lived out in two bodies.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis
Let’s Pray
Dear Lord, sometimes I get so busy in my own little world, I forget about what’s happening in my husband’s life. I don’t want to look up at him twenty years from now and realize we’ve grown apart. Help us to build a thousand sharings in our own marriage so that we will form something unbreakable. And Lord, thank you that a three-strand cord is not easily broken. Thank you for being the third and strongest bond of all.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
Now It’s Your Turn
Think of ways you can show an interest in your husband’s work.
Think of some activities that you can do together that you both would enjoy…then make an appointment to do it!
Sit down with your husband and ask him what his goals are for the future. Brain storm on how you can reach a common goal over the next five years.
More from the Girlfriends
February is the month of love and a wonderful time to contemplate our marriages. Do you want to become the woman of your husband’s dreams? The woman who makes him sorry to leave in the morning and eager to come home at night? Then you’ll want to read Becoming the Woman of His Dreams-Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For by Sharon Jaynes for an insightful look at the wonderful, unique, and God-ordained role only you have in your husband’s life.
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Girlfriends in God
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