Spouse is busy with a more-than full-time job, plus being on boards and speaking at conferences – and his plate is greatly full. But, and this is the balancing act we face, he wants to be involved in his children’s lives. So, as the mother in this family, I am in the unique position to create specific opportunities for Spouse to have meaningful time with our children – from the teens to the thirties – and even when they were much littler.
So, how do I accomplish this Herculean task? I watch over the household and when a child seems out of sorts, I’ll text Honey, “Little Joe needs some time with you this evening, to discuss his college plans.” Spouse to the rescue! This fore-warning gives him time to think about this specific child, his abilities, and where he might be successful. He can ask associates about local colleges, or have his assistant do some research. Then he comes prepared to the conversation. Our kids like to call this “Going to Starbucks.” They go out someplace – and it usually is Starbucks – alone with Dad, and they talk. “Life Talks” they call it. Dad listens intently, actively, and they cherish his input.
Another time it might be one of our older girls. Maybe Susie is having trouble with a guy. “He wants to be more serious than I do. He wants me to be his girlfriend, and I’m not so sure...” I’ll pull Spouse aside when he gets home and fill him in on the goings-on. Then he makes an appointment with his precious princess to steal away for a bit of time – drinking coffee and chatting. “Is he the type of guy you’d want to marry?” he might ask. If the answer is no, then our daughter is off the hook. If yes, then they talk further. “Are you in a position to marry now?” If not, then just be friends. And if Daddy really doesn’t like the guy, his questions might not be so objective!
Another time, it might be me in the talking chair, and Spouse listening to my woes. He’s so patient as he looks deep in my eyes, past the words and into my heart. How he hears the real problem amongst all my seemingly unrelated complaints or grievances, I never understand. But, just like my children, I’m grateful for his insight.
You see, God has gifted him with discernment. He has a good gut instinct about situations and trusts it completely. The far majority of the time, he’s right on. The other half percent, he’s very close. It’s just his way. And we, his family, have learned to trust it, too.
So, as the wife and mother, my job might not be to find solutions for every problem that arises. And my job might be all behind the scenes. I’ve come to realize many times my part might just be to connect our children to their wise Daddy, who helps steer their lives in directions they realize they love. The more I create these special opportunities, the better life flows for the family. They get coffee in the mix of it. And Daddy gets to be their hero, once again.
Mark and Kym Wright have been married for 34 years, and homeschooled their eight children since the mid-80s. She is the author of the author of many books which you can view at her websites: www.KymWright.com and The Mother’s Heart.
Publication date: February 12, 2013