“Good fences make good neighbors.” So it is with other relationships: good boundaries create good relationships. Boundaries are not the same as making complaints. Quite the opposite. Boundaries imply consequences if they are broken. We teach people how to treat us and must make it clear that if they act a certain way that we find offensive, we will respond in a way so as to send a strong message. For example, one of my boundaries is “If you speak to me disrespectfully, I will discontinue the conversation and may expect an apology before resuming any contact with you.” Far from pushing others away, this kind of clear, respectful boundary causes others to take me seriously and respectfully.
Dr. David Hawkins, MBA, MSW, MA, PhD, is a Christian Clinical Psychologist and Director of the Marriage Recovery Center. He has helped bring healing to thousands of marriages and individuals and is passionate about working with couples in crisis. If you need help, please reach out to his Client Care Team at 206.219.0145 or through their website. Dr. Hawkins is also a speaker & trainer for the American Association of Christian Counselors and is a best-selling author of over thirty books including Never Fight Again, Gauranteed and When Loving Him is Hurting You. He has two grown sons, is happily married to Christie Hawkins, and lives on Bainbridge Island, outside Seattle, WA.