EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to hesaid-shesaid@crosswalk.com (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: I'm in college and I work at a small church plant. My school is a public university, and at my church there are no girls my age. I want to date, but it seems that between my jobs, church, and school there aren't many options. How would I go about trying to find someone while I'm in this situation?
HE SAID:
I empathize with your position as I have often felt the same way. You do “everything” you feel you should be doing – serve in a ministry, work multiple jobs to make ends meet, challenge yourself physically or mentally and wait on a godly mate, but no potential or prospective candidates seem to come along, even though others seems find theirs.
Maybe God has you exactly where he wants you?!
Over the years, when I have found myself in those positions, and been humble enough to take my eyes off of me, I have been able to appreciate where God has me and what he has me doing.
I truly believe in God’s sovereign hand where he places us in situations to help us to learn, grow or change (ourselves or our mindset). I have found my timing rarely coincides with his desires, yet when I am obedient in those situations, no matter how I “feel” about it, God shows up (or I notice him more).
Grow where you’re planted. If you know without a doubt you are in the ministry you are called to be in, the jobs you are supposed to be doing (for now), at the school he wants you at, then do all you can to excel in each of those situations. As you do, you are taking a step of faith in following what he wants, and as you do I believe he will bring your help mate alongside you.
I would challenge you to read as many translations of Genesis 2:18 as you can. I have found it to encourage me to seek not just one for me, but rather the right one.
ESV – I will make him a helper fit for him.
CEB - I will make him a helper that is perfect for him
Oftentimes we minimize our choices by limiting what we’re looking for rather than broadening our minds to consider who God would want us to be with. Without compromising your values or desires, try widening the scope of what you’re looking for and you will find more opportunities.
SHE SAID:
Well, my first advice is always to pray. Pray for God to bring her to you. Pray for God to be preparing you both, with his perfect timing, realizing your time is limited. Pray that God would take anything away from you both that distracts you from God. Pray for what is important.
In the meantime, also start praying for God to bring all kinds of women to be your friends. Friends that spur you on in your walk with the Lord, and ones you encourage in this way also. Women who could teach you about their sex, about what is important to women. There is nothing better than to fall in love with your best friend. As you build more friendships with women, (again, knowing your personal time is limited) allow God to direct you to the one to date and hopefully marry once you have the time to devote to the relationship. Seek Christ first in all things...including who you date.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:9-10).
HE is … Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.
SHE is ... Kris Swiatocho, the President and Director of TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries and FromHisHands.com Ministries. Kris has served in ministry in various capacities for the last 25 years. An accomplished trainer and mentor, Kris has a heart to reach and grow leaders so they will in turn reach and grow others. She is also the author of three books.
DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately.
GOT A QUESTION? If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to hesaid-shesaid@crosswalk.com (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you. Click here to visit the He Said-She Said archives.
Publication date: January 9, 2014