Skip the tie. Ditch the aftershave. Dump the golf tees. What Dad really would like is a softer, gentler, kinder, move loving wife. After writing 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband, a book that walks a woman through 52 “wow” dates for her husband, I had a series of interviews and the male hosts, cameramen, and tech professionals all had one overwhelming favorite “wow” ("Let him be right all day!"). Sounds simple enough, right? Actually, it can be one of the more difficult wows for a wife to implement.
Because I had a positive response to the 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband, and I perceived a pattern of women finding it difficult to be, well...nice, kind, respectful, and tender—myself included—I thought it might be powerful to create a 26 day Red Hot Wife Challenge to help us rediscover our softer selves. Red Hot Romantic Tips for Women looks at the traits, A to Z, that help us be a more romantic, loving, and thus, more desirable wife.
Let me give you a quick example: E is for Expressive
We have a secret for you. One your husband may not even be able to verbalize. You may be the only person with whom he feels truly safe. Emotionally, guys guard themselves. For many a man, it is only his wife that he will completely open up with to and share the deepest hopes, fears, frustrations, pains and stresses. When you are an expressive wife, your husband won’t feel so alone.
Genesis 2:18 notes, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” The term alone means to be isolated, curtained off, or in prolonged solitude. God made a wife so that man would not have to be facing life alone. As you express your love to your man, you create a secret safe house for your husband—and he will learn to be verbally expressive toward you.
If you were in the witness protection program, the legal authorizes would lodge you in a safe house to ensure your ability to communicate vital truths at an appropriate time. In the same way, empathy and an expressive, caring heart can become a safe house for your husband.
Les and Leslie Parrot in Trading Places recommend a simple empathy process:
I notice you
I feel with you, and so
I act to help you.
One action you can take to help your husband feel safe to open up is to create an Honor Journal to help you keep a soft heart toward your husband. Dr Gary Smalley explains why he keeps on Honor Journal:
“If you want to create a safe environment that encourages healthy relationships to grow, then start by honoring those around you. Picture those individuals as people autographed by God...imagine giving those people a standing ovation...another practical way to recognize value a person...is to keep a list of all the good qualities of that person. I keep several such lists in what I call my Honor Journal. In it I have several pages of things I find valuable about my wife, children, and grandchildren. Sometimes if I feel frustrated with one of them, I read the Honor list rather than read them the riot act. That way I can see them as God sees them, and my perspective changes.”
Red Hot Wives, pull out a pen and a journal and begin writing your list of wonderful things about your man in your Honor Journal.
A man wants his body touched—but he also wants his heart, mind and life touched by your care and kindness.
Touch His Body
Reach out and express your loving touch. You can open him up emotionally if you touch him physically. We tell couples, “If you give a man your body, he will give you his heart. If you give a woman your heart, she’ll give you her body.” Sex does lowers his stress, and we will talk more about how and why in other chapters, but even small physical gestures will lower his stress, and often entice him to open up and share verbally what is going on in his world. Even a six second hug makes the receiver feel happier, braver and less fearful . Dr. David Schnarch, encourages couples to “hug until relaxed.”
Touch His Heart
Listen to him. This takes time, but it will be well worth it because he will cherish you for being his best friend, his confidant, and at times, his counselor. Try the SOFTER listening method:
Stop what you are doing and turn toward him.
Open up your body language
Find key words, or a key phrase to repeat.
Try not to take it personally
Express affirming emotions
Respond with loving action
This year, for Father’s Day, touch your man’s heart with a softer touch of you. Take up the 26 day Red Hot Wife Challenge (in Red Hot Romance Tips for Women) or extend your love for an entire year with 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband. Make everyday a “Father’s Day” for your husband by giving him the soft side of you.
Pam and Bill Farrel are international speakers, authors of over 38 books including bestselling Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti; Red Hot Monogamy; 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband, and Red Hot Romance Tips for Women. www.Love-Wise.com
Publication date: June 9, 2014