You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me,
for you, O God, are my fortress. Psalm 59:9 (NLT)
We were fresh off a plane from a six-week holiday backpacking round South East Asia when we heard words that would change the course of our lives.
The surgeon who just a few days before had biopsied a node under Xylon’s arm sat across from us and told us, “The results are clear. You have Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.”
We had so many questions. And so few of the questions that would give us the answers we desperately wanted.
Answers like:
Would he be okay?
Would he live?
Would cancer have the final say?
Doctors can’t give you answers to questions like that.
We left the office and I returned to work. Holding everything inside. Too afraid to speak the words, hoping that if I never said them out loud, they wouldn’t be true.
We heard those words, “The results are clear. You have Hodgkin’s Lymphoma,” or a variation of them, another four times since that first visit. The last time it turned out that the results weren’t clear, and Xylon has been cancer-free for 18 months.
Those are days – years really – that I never want to relive.
Many of those days were the worst days of my life.
Many times I wasn’t sure how I’d get through.
I only did because of God. I’ve written before about how I felt held by God. I don’t really know how to explain that but the feeling of being cupped in his hand was very real to me.
There was something else that got me through that was more than a feeling.
Many times feelings will not be enough to sustain you through dark days. (tweet this)
On those days you need to speak the truth even when you don’t feel it.
Here are 3 truths that helped me the worst days of my life:
God is with me
God is my strength
God is my security
It starts with God, which makes me remember that he is always with me. Then it reminds me of his strength to rescue me, and his ability to protect and shield me.
I recently read a paraphrase of this verse, by Jennifer Rothschild, which I love:
God is your strength when you are weary.
He is your safe place when you are insecure.
Even though I'm no longer walking through the hard days of cancer I’ve been whispering this paraphrase to myself lately.
I’ve found speaking this truth when I’m feeling tired of having a hurting foot or when something happens at work that makes me feel insecure has helped me to remember that God is with me and with his strength I can do hard things.
Ponder: What gets you through the worst days?
Prayer: Lord, I’m feeling [name what you are feeling e.g. insecure, weak, afraid]. Help me remember that you are with me. Help me to lean on you when I feel weak and to remember that you are my security when everything is shifting.
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- This was orginally published on my site in November 2015. To read more devotionals like this go to ilovedevotionals.com