When child number one threw a fit in the grocery store one day, screaming at the top of her lungs in this very public place, I was so embarrassed. I’d witnessed a scene like that before I had children, and I swore my kids would never do that. Since becoming a mom, I’ve found myself in all kinds of situations I never thought I’d be in.
When the kids didn’t sleep much, I found myself beyond weary. When they didn’t potty train as quickly as other kids their age, I was discouraged. When they grew older and began to have a mind of their own, I found myself exhausted from the conflict.
I’m less patient than I thought I’d be. I weigh more than I want to. My children are more strong-willed than I expected. My kitchen counter seems to always be a mess. At times, my marriage isn’t the “happily ever after” I dreamed it would be.
Inside I think thoughts like: I don’t measure up. I’m failing as a mom. My kids don’t act like her kids. My house doesn’t look like her house. My body doesn’t look like her body. My husband doesn’t help like her husband does. What is wrong with me?
Have you ever felt that way? Have you wondered what is wrong with you, with your family, with your kids?
The truth is that nothing is wrong with you or your family--or me and my family. We are all normal. Our frustrations are normal. Our disappointments are normal. Our struggles are normal.
When you and I compare our insides to other women’s outsides, we always come out short. We’re comparing our struggles to their masks.
There are no perfect moms (just women who make a good outward appearance). There are no perfect kids (just kids who are dressed well and behave well just when you see them). There are no perfect houses (just ones where the clutter is cleverly stored!). There are no perfect bodies (just ones who know the beauty of Spanx!).
Perfection doesn’t exist … but unfortunately we waste a lot of time and energy pursuing the elusive mirage we’re just sure can be found. While we’re pursuing perfection, we’re missing out on the most precious parts of life: the laughter of silliness, the joy of spontaneity, the lessons found in failure, and the freedom found in grace.
What if we really embraced imperfect? What if we saw the purpose of it was to draw us closer to our Creator? You see, the imperfect parts of our lives are counterbalanced with the reality of a Perfect God who longs to shine His light through the cracks in our lives. God is changing, molding, perfecting us to be more like Jesus every day.
What if we gave ourselves and those we loved the freedom to fail and make mistakes? What if we had realistic expectations of ourselves and others? What if we took off our mask and were more honest with others? And what if we stopped trying to be perfect and embrace “being perfected” by God?
I believe we’d find contentment. We’d embrace who we are instead of being critical of who we aren’t. I believe we’d discover we’re not as alone as we sometimes think. I also believe we’d learn to love our real self, our real family, and our real messy, perfectly imperfect lives.
I also believe we’d find the freedom we long for. The freedom found in authenticity. And as we embrace being perfected, the freedom found in Jesus Christ.
This Mother’s Day let’s give ourselves the gift of grace to make mistakes. Let’s give ourselves the gift of realistic expectations. Let’s give ourselves permission to be honest about the good and the hard. Let’s give ourselves and those we love the freedom to be “in process.”
We can’t be perfect moms, but we are the perfect mom for our kids. Happy Mother’s Day!
Jill Savage is the Founder and CEO of Hearts at Home. A mom of five, Jill is the author of 10 books including Real Moms…Real Jesus, No More Perfect Moms, No More Perfect Kids,and her most recent release Better Together. You can find Jill online at www.JillSavage.org, www.NoMorePerfect.com and learn about upcoming Hearts at Home mom conferences at www.HeartsatHome.org.
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Publication date: May 4, 2016