Sex and the Single Woman

There are several ways I could present to you the role of sex in a Christian woman’s life.

I could dwell on the testimony of my sexually immoral past, showcasing the emptiness and shame I felt from a destructive lifestyle.
I could remind you about the emotional instability of sexually active women, searching for a lasting relationship while on roads leading only to use and abuse.
I could conclude with the anecdote to true love and fulfillment, found through our Lord Jesus Christ and his Word in the Gospel.

And although these points are all true, I want to steer the focus from a woman’s temptation to sexual desire, and perhaps even her sexual sin, to something far more valuable: the beauty of singleness.

Could it be that we women are more susceptible to a free and peaceful life when practicing the joys and discipline of living single?

In short, the answer is yes.

I wasn’t always a Christian, and unfortunately now live with the decisions I made before committing my life to Christ. Sexual sin seemed far more appealing to me before I began taking my faith seriously. Ironically, I was more lonely and insecure than ever before, even though I had men’s attention. Plenty of men’s attention.

Because I allowed this behavior to be a part of my life, the complexity behind knowing a man’s intentions became very evident. Did he find me interesting because of what he saw in me or did he expect something from me physically? It did not take long before I doubted if anyone could truly love me for me.

I did not respect myself. I did not take advantage of my singleness and spend more quality time with God. I was lost, empty, and more lonely than before, taking part in compromising situations again and again and again.

Be faithful and free from concern.

Paul writes in his first letter to the Corinthians, “I want you to be free from concern... The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the work of the Lord, how she can be holy in both body and spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband. I’m saying this for your good, not to restrict you, but to promote undivided attention to the Lord.”

In today’s world of constant connection through social media, the art of dating and connecting with quality men has become even harder. It’s hard as a single Christian woman to see other women display compromising behavior to receive attention. It’s hard to remain in God’s will and be at peace with our singleness. It’s hard to not compare ourselves with married women and soon-to-be married women, wondering what we are doing wrong.

This is not to say that the married life is bad, because it beautiful and necessary, but this is to show that the single life is almost like a secret power. We’ve been given a special gift in this period of our lives.

Enjoy the blessing of being single.

In this moment, while we remain unmarried, we have the blessing to commit our time to Jesus and the world around us. We have the opportunity to spend our time volunteering in our communities, in prayer, organizing small groups, and participating in Bible studies.

We do not yet need to worry about the well-being of a family, but rather diving deeper in communion with our peers and strengthening our relationship with our Heavenly Father. With this, we will be prepared for our future husbands because of our strong, intimate relationship with Christ and the foundation set by our faith.

As single Christian women, we must take advantage of our free time and channel that energy back to the Lord.

The moment I decided to throw away my sinful and lustful behavior, my spirit began to lift. I stayed up into the night, reading my Bible and taking notes. My confidence in who I was as a daughter in Christ further developed. I was able to see the Lord in even the smallest of moments. It was in these intentional decisions to “go and sin no more” that I found the Lord closest to my heart.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself…” (Matthew 6:34)

Strengthen your relationship with the Lord.

When it comes down to it, our time as single women is best used when we strengthen our relationships with the Lord and prayerfully discover his purpose for our lives. Remaining obedient to the Lord and pursuing him over all else makes life simple, because it was not made to be complicated.

Peace and freedom from sin. I feel as if my prayers sound like a broken record player. Yet the more I pursue the Lord, the more peace I feel in my soul - the more confidence I have in my relationship with Christ. When I take myself from the holistic conveyor belt of worldly desires and behavior, I can better see the plans God’s provided for my life.

When we are obedient to the Lord, the rest falls into place.

Sexual desires and temptation no longer chain me to a lifestyle of sin. My eyes are planted on the Father and his will for my life. It is not an easy road, but through a strong Christian community to hold me accountable and a continued prayer life, the Lord provides.

I’m not a unique success story. This is a choice that you, or perhaps a friend you know, can make and overcome. Our fulfillment is found in Jesus and only Jesus. No other man can compare. No other man can ever provide more than the love we receive from our Savior.

Ladies, you are beautiful. Embrace the blessing that the Lord has given you today. Hone your secret power. Radiate the joys found in the single life. Give your undivided attention to our Lord.

Mindy Fitterling is a recent college graduate from St. Louis, Missouri. She now works in IT Security for a Healthcare company in Nashville, TN. When she is not fighting cybercrime by day, she is snuggling with her puppy and writing for young women on a variety of Christian websites.