Dear single mom, I know your life feels hard. Sometimes it feels so chaotic and out of control that you wonder how you will continue another day. This road that you are walking is filled with obstacles, and yet, you can do this. You can be the mother your children need. But you need to keep the following things in your parenting arsenal. Without them, your road becomes more rocky, and satan’s lies that you’re not enough get louder. Here are 10 things you need in abundance as a single mom:
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1. Faith
This is your greatest tool. It comes from a sacred place within our hearts where Jesus has planted it (Ephesians 3:17). Faith helps you understand the bad days come with lessons and the good days come with gratitude. God saw you fit to raise your children. He hand chose you to be their mom. He knew your steps and He knew your path would lead you to this place. Single parenting is such an honor, and faith helps you know there is purpose to this crazy unpredictable journey and trusting God’s plan for you (and your children) is for your good… no matter what.
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2. The Bible
Oh, single momma, you have been given one of the best and most rewarding jobs on the planet. And, guess what? It comes with a guidebook—the Bible. Can I get an Amen? It has every answer to any problem we face. Read it. Know it and bind it to your heart. Its words carry the Lord’s promises. It will calm when we are stressed, heal our broken hearts and ease our worried minds. It gives direction when we are lost, and hope when we are hopeless. For me, the Word reminds me of who I am in Christ—a daughter of a Heavenly King. Can’t get any better than that.
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3. Balance
Balance in your life is something that doesn’t just happen. It has to be intentional. When parenting as a single mom, it is super easy for things to get out of balance quickly. Look at your calendar. Say that dirty little word “NO” if you have to. For me, I have found that if I say “yes” to a long-term commitment, I make myself say “no” to something else. And watch for those kiddos trying to throw you off balance (and boy, do they try). I have found it helps if we create a list of what activities are important and put them in order of priority. Do the things at the tip-top of the list and the rest, well, it’s gotta go. Your mind will be forever grateful.
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4. Goals
Sometimes when we are single parenting, all we can focus on is the day to day (second by second, too). But, my friend, don’t get lost in the daily survival mode. Eventually, those days turn into months and years. Give yourself some goals. I like to do three goals at a time, and once I reach one, I mark it off and replace it with another one. Your goals can be long-term (raising well-rounded, God-loving children) or short-term (making the bed in the morning). Either way, write down your goals and a plan on how to achieve them. You will soon realize how much purpose it gives you and there is no limit to what you can achieve. It’s okay to dream!
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5. Prayer
Prayer connects us with our Creator. It is how we can have an intimate dialogue with our Heavenly Father, and be completely vulnerable with who we are. It allows time for reflectiveness and nurtures our most special relationship with Jesus. It aligns our will to the Father’s will, and gives peace to our hearts that we are His. Prayer is proven and powerful. Spend time daily in specific prayer and allow others to be able to pray for you and with you. It will change your life.
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6. Laughter
Single momma, sometimes we just got to laugh. I know your load is heavy, and things can get pretty serious running your family along with everything else you do. But, take time out to laugh with your children. They are hilarious! They say the silliest things and do some really odd stuff. Be goofy and play, even when they are teenagers (I hide under their beds sometimes. It’s awesome!) They won’t always be around, and you want them to have good memories with you. Enjoy them!
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7. Passion (Other than Our Kids)
I know sometimes we get so involved in our kids’ activities and their desires, we forget we have gifts and talents, too. Don’t ignore those God-given passions. These are the things that make you feel alive and fulfilled. It’s these things that keep you sane when otherwise you would’ve gone “postal.” It’s your creative outlet: singing, painting, writing, reading, cooking, anything that ignites you. Your gifts are unique to you. Tap into whatever God has called to be your passion.
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8. Friends
Ladies, we need friends and connections. Our kids need us to be a parent, not be their friend. So, we need grown-up friends who feed into our spirit. People who make us laugh and support us. Someone who we can bounce ideas off of, and encourage us. Friends who will walk alongside us in our journey and challenge us when we lose sight of who we are. C’mon, who else is going to tell us they can see through those Yoga pants? We need these people around. Plain and simple, life is just better with friends.
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9. Alone Time
So many of you right now are rolling your eyes. You are thinking, yeah-right—alone time doesn’t exist for the single mom. But, it can. It just takes a little scheduling. I like my alone time at night, so I made sure my kids have a consistent bedtime routine. And, I tell ya, they better be sick or bleeding to get out of that bed. My alone time is sacred. It is time for me to decompress. I allow myself to reflect about the day and just spend some time with me and my own thoughts. It takes away stress and allows space to refuel my energy for the next day. Plus, that is the only time I can break out the chocolate without sharing. No joke.
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10. Gratitude
Appreciation is one of the keys to living a full and satisfying life. There is something to be thankful for everyday, even if you have to search to find it. It could be the fact that even though little Johnny got lice it didn’t spread to the whole family, or you remembered you had leftover Chinese for dinner (yes!). Anything. Your children are watching you. They are soaking in everything you do. Leave them with the knowledge you are eternally grateful, and whatever circumstances come your way that there is always a reason to raise our heads to Heaven and thank our God. Appreciating God daily gives us a healthy perspective on who we are in this life, and who we are in Christ.
Written By Shannon DeGarmo; speaker; author of The Bounce Back Woman; Featured Contributor of Keep the Faith radio; Contributor of LifeWay’s HomeLife Magazine. Check out Shannon’s website and follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
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