Roles and Resentment
By Annah Matthews
But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. 1 Corinthians 12:18-23 NLT
I could not wait to become a first-time mom. I planned every detail of my first child’s birth with great care and precision. From the baby furniture to the newborn clothes, diaper pails, and bottles in all shapes and sizes. I had several lovely baby showers and a perfectly decorated nursery for my little man to come home to after he was born.
But the newness and the excitement of being a first-time mom wore off after some time. Eventually the meals stopped coming, the sleepless nights and feeding schedule were incredibly exhausting, and my husband had the nerve to go back to work and leave me at home all day (insert sarcasm). I was tired and exhausted and I kind of wanted my old life back when I had a full night’s sleep and I didn’t have to haul a huge stroller and diaper bag just to take a walk in the park.
I loved my baby so much but I missed the freedom of life before children. I had to find my new normal and settle into a new routine. It is a learning curve that many new moms face.
As I tried to find my new normal, I added on the baggage of resentment towards my husband. I was jealous that he got to walk out the door every morning, go to work, go talk to adults and have lunch out with colleagues. I was building up walls against my husband that were unfair.
One day, I lashed out at him in tears telling him that his life went on while my life got turned completely upside down. In a huge moment of insight and wisdom my husband said to me, “Honey I love you and I’ll do anything I can for you, but God didn’t create me to be the mother, He created you for that.” Talk about a huge moment of clarity for me.
Here I resented the very role that God created for me. First as a daughter, then as a wife, and now as a mother. Each of us are uniquely created and designed in His Image but with very different roles, abilities, and gifts.
God did create us male and female. He also ordained in the garden that a man and woman would leave their MOTHER and FATHER and become one. Adam and Eve didn’t even have parents but here He was already ordaining and creating the family. With resenting my husband and comparing all he “got to do” I had completely missed the blessing of being a mom and learning to embrace my role as God had designed it.
Not every one of us are mothers but every one of us have God-given roles and assignments. We all fall into the comparison and resentment trap from time to time. Whether it’s with a co-worker, a neighbor, a Facebook “friend”, or another family member, no one is immune from comparing themselves to the “good life” others seem to have.
Sisters, different roles do not mean less importance.
I’ve compared it to saying, “Which would you rather have a brain or a heart?” Uhmm both please! Completely different roles but vitally necessary to the body. My husband’s role is completely different than my role in the family, but both of us are vitally important.
I pray that you can see with clarity and insight the God-given roles you have been given and embrace it with a heart of gratefulness. I pray that you will get off the wheel of comparison and look to Your Creator who is perfecting you day by day to be more like Him. There is no better place to be than in the role and using the gifts that God designed uniquely for you and for me.
Heavenly Father – We all struggle with self-comparisons and wishing our lives looked a little more like someone else. But You have ordained and created us with great precision and care and with vitally necessary roles. Help us to see ourselves for who You created us to be and not try so hard to be like someone or something else. Help us to throw off the cloak of resentment that brings us down and put on the coat of grace, humility, and embrace our position at a daughter of the Most High God. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
© 2019 by Annah Matthews. All rights reserved.
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