How to Have Joy This Christmas When Your Heart Is Shattered

Every Christmas season it’s the same thing. People are all over the place with smiles on their faces.

You used to be one of those people, but this year has been hard. You had to say goodbye to someone who was part of your life. Someone who was part of you.

And your heart broke in a million pieces. The kind of jagged pieces that nothing seems to fix.

So how can you have the joy ushered in by your Savior when your heart feels shattered?

The Difference Between Joy and Happiness

Years ago, when my husband was stationed in Germany, we attended a Bible study at the Hospitality House; a place that ministered to soldiers and their families. We were listening to a tape by Jill Briscoe.

Jill Briscoe said, “Happiness is when things happen to happen the way you want them to happen and you feel happy.”

And joy? Well she said, “Joy is when things don’t happen to happen the way you want them to happen, but you still have joy.”

Happiness is because of outward circumstances. Joy is in spite of them.

I will never forget that definition because so many things happen in our lives. Things that shake us to the very core. Things that shatter hearts.

But joy is anchored inside of you. And no one can take your joy. It is inside, no matter what you’re going through.

What Does Joy Look Like?

We can all picture what happiness looks like. Kids show this all the time. Just hand them a piece of holiday candy or Christmas cookies.

But joy is something that radiates from within. Maybe you know someone who has gone through really difficult things, but they still have joy.

It’s because joy is tied to things that are eternal. It’s anchored in things that won’t pass away.

If you, like me, have gone through many difficult losses and struggles in life, you can still have joy. Sure, there may be days you tend to let feelings dictate the day. But when you reflect, for even a few moments, on what God says in his Word—you can have joy.

I like to reflect on these truths:

God loves me.

God sent Jesus to die for me.

God will never leave me.

God created heaven so we could be together.

God will never say, “I don’t love you anymore.”

Embrace That There Will Be Suffering

Yes, it’s true that there will be suffering in this world. Jesus said it in John 16:33. It’s as certain as breathing.

But Jesus also said that he has overcome the world. And while it might not mean much to you if you have just lost someone in your life, there are things that we cannot comprehend because we don’t have his infinite mind.

You and I don’t think like God does. He tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9, that we don’t think like God and his ways are far above ours. So we cannot understand things he allows in our lives. But one day we will.

So yes, there will be suffering. And some of you are suffering right now. But you need to hold on to the second part of that verse.

Know That Even Though God Is Not Man, You’re Not Alone

God makes a promise in Deuteronomy 31:6. He tells you to be strong and courageous because he is with you.

Just like he was with David all throughout his life.

And like he was with me when I buried granddaughter who died of Trisomy 18. And when my husband was sick over and over again. God was with me when I attended my sister’s murder trial.

People will sometimes lie to us. But Numbers 23:19 assures that God is not a man that he should lie. And later it says that God will do what he says.

So that means you can know God is with you.

Hold on to the Anchor of Truth

When things all around you feel like they are drowning you, lean into God. When I sat in the room alone waiting to go and testify at my sister’s trial, I began to feel overwhelmed. So, I prayed quietly. And though I began by praying, eventually, I softly sang hymns that I remembered. Ultimately, I felt this peace inside of me that made no sense at all. I knew it must be what the verse Paul talks about in Philippians 4:7—the peace of God which surpasses all understanding.

There I was in Chicago and it looked like I was in a courthouse. But I felt like I was sitting on God’s lap, like a little girl, singing to him. And I knew he was with me. Because that’s what my Father God said in his Bible. And God doesn’t lie.

We cannot trust our feelings. Feelings are fickle. They go up and down all the time.

But we can trust what God says. We can hold on to that anchor of truth.

What If it Seems Like Everyone Else Is Happy?

So what can you do when those around you seem so happy and you are hurting?

You can trust the fact that God is close by. Psalm 34:18 says that he is near the brokenhearted. It also tells us in Psalm 56:8 that he gathers up our tears and keeps them in a bottle. And believe me, I’m sure I have more than one bottle.

If God is collecting your tears and recording each one in his book. He is right there with you, in your pain.

So when others around you are enjoying and expressing happiness, hold on to God’s truth with both hands. You can have peace that no one understands. Even you.

Go to the Manger

If it seems like everyone is experiencing some kind of Christmas joy that you’re just not feeling, go to the manger. You don’t have to be festive. You don’t have to party. Just slip away and reflect on that little family that started their life in a humble manger.

Let everything around you be. Just reflect on what happened that night. Can you picture that scene? There were no colored lights all around. The stars God put in the sky. His first night lights. There were no cookies baking in an oven, but the smell of fresh hay.

And the carols we sing? Well, I bet they were even more wonderful when it was that first choir of angels letting us know he was here! And maybe if you’re really quiet you can hear Mary humming to this little one in her arms.

Let the world celebrate. But you may find joy in just slipping off to the manger where love was born.

A Prayer for This Christmas

Father, I pray for each person who is hurting this Christmas. I pray that you wrap your loving arms around them and that they sense your presence. And Lord, even if they don’t feel that you’re there, I pray they hold on to the truth. Thank you, God for sending us Jesus. Thank you for loving us, and most of all, thank you that you will never leave us. We pray this in the name of your precious and Holy Son. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Anne Peterson is a poet, speaker, and published author of 16 books. Her most recent book is Always There: Finding God's Comfort through Loss. Anne has published 42 Bible Studies and numerous articles with christianbiblestudies.com. She has been a regular contributor to Crosswalk for seven years. Visit Anne’s website at annepeterson.com and sign up for a free eBook or visit her Facebook page. You can also subscribe to Anne’s YouTube channel where you can watch her recite her poems and share her heart.