Showers of Tears and Blessings
By Dawn Mast
Praise the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits. Psalms 103:2
If you need a really good place to cry, might I suggest the shower. Not MY shower, because that would be more awkward than therapeutic, but your own shower. Especially when your soul feels overwhelmed, hurt and exhausted you can’t imagine how you’ll handle your emotions. So you sob to the soap and it helps.
When you’re an extrovert, get cancer during a pandemic and your doctor husband is temporarily unemployed, it can be a lot to handle. You’re the doer, giver, meal maker, cleaner, but feel your reserves slowly give out with each trip to the doctor, each biopsy (3) each variety of cancer (being an overachiever, I have two), and just the waiting for surgery so we can get on with this!
So you hop in the shower and cry. You let out the pain, disappointment, fear, frustration and honestly, the anger (there’s a lot of that!). You don’t worry about anyone seeing your tears or your mascara running. It’s a good time. I mean, not a GOOD time, but a healing time.
You wash away the hurt of knowing the people who could choose to help you won’t. Or can’t. Or something. You watch the disappointment of waiting for a text or a card from people you thought would reach out wash down the drain. And you heal a little. You know you aren’t on their radar and it stings. A lot. You blubber about, “They couldn’t just drop a card in the mail?!? It’s a pandemic, but the U.S. Postal system still works!”
You weep about your wounds and quite frankly feel a little sorry for yourself. You start down the path of counting up all the people who haven’t done for you, disappointed you and let you down in your time of need. You almost slip down the drain yourself.
Then God reminds you of something. He quietly says something, but you are still able to hear Him over the pounding water. He says, “Look at what you DO have.”
Oh. Oh my.
Let’s take a look at THAT extensive list.
Cancer showed up during a pandemic and my husband did not have a job. Yes.
But, so did:
- Our church family with meals, cards, prayer, texts (one lady texts me EVERY DAY! She’s adorable!), more food, more prayer, just “I love you and I am here for you and I am praying for you!” texts (one in the middle of the night)
- Stuff left on our porch (some of it I don’t even know where it came from, but it’s beautiful and delicious!)
- My parents drove over here from the other side of the county, at night, with my favorite ice cream (peppermint bark!) and also brought books.
- My sister (who has a brain tumor and 3 children-not related to the tumor, I guess) and her family brought Thai food (which I can NOT make!) and a devotional book about healing. So very helpful and thoughtful!
- Mark’s patients (I didn’t even know they knew where we lived!) brought food!
- A beautiful “Faith over Fear” t-shirt from my sister-in-law. This will be my cancer treatment outfit!
- My other sister brought Indian food (also something I can NOT replicate in the kitchen.)
- A Jewish prayer shawl from my sweet friend from Encouragement Cafè
- Books, cards, and chocolate covered strawberries from my Encouragement Cafè ladies.
ANYWAY… the love, support, outreach and care I received far outweighed what I wasn’t receiving. I was focusing on what I wasn’t getting, who wasn’t supporting me and the hurt and pain that was causing. That diminished the precious people who were loving and benevolent towards our family.
It reminded me of 2 Corinthians 7:5-6, “For when we came into Macedonia, this body of ours had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn-conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, Who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus.” (NIV) This verse points to the promise that God knows when we need help and He will send us someone to help lift our burden. It may not be the same people we have helped or the people we thought would come to our aid, but He knows just the right combination of personalities to speak into our needs. We can be blessed by who shows up knowing they were sent by the Lord.
There will be hard, possibly serious hard times in life. Like me, you may look only at the, “Well, so-and-so isn’t helping me in my time of need even though I helped them…” This is true. Yes. It’s unfair. It hurts and if so-and-so is a Christian they could do better. But YOU, pointing at myself here, let that go, shake the dust off your feet and focus on the ones who have stepped up to help. There are many who love you and you might need to stop and make a list like I did. Or get in the shower. There is at least one Titus in your life. God will send someone He will use to comfort, help and alleviate your disappointment. After a good soaking cry, get out, dry your tears and count your many, many blessings. It’s God’s way of saying He loves you and is showering you with His love.
Heavenly Father, You know exactly what I need when my body is weak and I have nothing left to give. I need help and it’s so hard to ask for it. Please empty me of pride and allow me to be honest about my needs so others may answer Your call to help and bless. Show me, Lord, how to give freely to others in their time of need. Thank You, Jesus, for the people in my life who have been like Titus to me. May the way we help others be a true reflection of You and the way You care for us. In Your precious and holy name, Amen!
For more encouragement, visit Dawn at thatdawnedonme.wordpress.com
© 2020 by Dawn Mast. All rights reserved.
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