Most of us begin loving a child the moment we discover we’re pregnant.
The love grows as the child grows within us. We dream about what they will look like and whether they’ll be a boy or a girl. We may already have a name in mind for them before they’re even conceived.
The love grows deeper with each passing day. We think of them constantly and fall deeply in love. If there is a miscarriage and we lose the baby, it can be devastating. Because we loved this little person even though we hadn’t gotten the chance to meet them yet.
With deep love comes deep grief. Our hearts break because the one we loved is gone. The day we longed for where we’d hold them in our arms and count fingers and toes and celebrate their birth is gone. It can be difficult to understand.
When I lost a baby at six weeks of pregnancy, I was hurt but also angry. I wanted the baby so much and didn’t understand why God allowed a miscarriage. It didn’t seem fair. Of course, I was spiritually immature at this time and threw a temper tantrum like a spoiled toddler might do in the grocery store. I didn’t talk to God for a couple of weeks.
More recently, my daughter-in-law went into labor at 21 weeks and gave premature birth to our sweet granddaughter, Nora. She lived nearly two hours but couldn’t survive at that stage. The deep grief was crushing because we were madly in love with her. An ultrasound photo a couple of weeks earlier captured a big smile and a wave. Precious.
We were able to hold Nora before she passed away. Holding her and knowing she wouldn’t survive was a horrible experience. She was perfectly healthy. Just born too soon.
Why would God give and then take away?
We may never know the answer until we get to Heaven but while we’re in this fallen world, we’ll experience loss, including the loss of our most beloved little ones. Whether a miscarriage or a birth where the child is unable to survive on its own, it’s a sad part of life.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring grief or affliction to anyone. Lamentations 3:32-33
It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who has just lost a baby. Here are a few thoughts from those of us who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, as well as a comforting prayer for miscarriage to all those affected.
What to Say to Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage
It’s best to express sympathy with simple words.
- “This is terrible and I’m so sorry.”
- “I’m sorry for what you’re going through.”
- “I know this hurts. I’m praying for you.”
- “Please know I’m here if you need to talk.”
What Not to Say to Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage
Don’t try to assign reason or explain things. Someone in deep grief doesn’t want to hear explanations unless they’re from their doctor about why they lost their child. They need to know others care about what they’re going through not that they might know why it happened.
Try to avoid saying these phrases:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “God won’t give more than you can handle.”
- “You’re still young. There’s plenty of time to have children.”
- “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
- “God knows what He’s doing.”
- “There was probably something wrong with it or it was probably for the best.”
Actions can speak louder than words:
- Make an effort to show sympathy by attending the funeral (if there is one).
- Make yourself available in some other way. This can be powerful for the grieving parent.
- Allow the parent to share their story if they’re comfortable doing so in their own time.
- Use a prayer for miscarriage below to guide your empathy and lift up the hurting family.
Comforting Bible Verses for Miscarriages
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46 1:3
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” Matthew 19:14
Prayer for Miscarriage: A Prayer for the Parents
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the parents of this precious baby. Heal their broken hearts and strengthen their faith through this storm. Help them find comfort not only in Your word but in the words of friends or family who’ve experienced the same pain. Draw them closer to You through this tragedy and reveal Yourself to them in their time of need.
In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Prayer for Miscarriage: A Prayer for the Family
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for being with us during this devastating time. Our hearts are crushed. We don’t understand why we’ve lost this child. But we trust You to get us through it.
In the mighty and powerful name of Jesus, Amen.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18
Prayer for Miscarriage: A Prayer for the Baby
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this precious little one. Though our hopes for this child’s life were not realized, we know You’re in control of everything. Your thoughts are not our thoughts and Your ways are not our ways. It’s hard for us to understand but we know our sweet baby is with You in Heaven and one day we will be able to meet her face to face. We look forward to the time we can hold her in our arms and give her the love we’ve longed so deeply to give.
In the name of Jesus, Amen.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
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Melinda Eye Cooper grew up in the Missouri Ozarks but lives near Nashville, Tennessee with her family. She writes articles and devotions and has some fiction projects in the works. Melinda grew up in a large family and is number seven of ten children. Many of her devotions and stories are inspired from her childhood.
Melinda has been honored to be a Selah Awards finalist for online articles and was a finalist for the 2023 Writer of the Year Award with Serious Writer as well as a 2024 Semi-finalist for the ACFW Genesis Contest.
Visit her website here to receive blog posts via email. You can follow her on Facebook here or Instagram here.
Her book of articles and devotions is available here.
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