Our words are powerful. Words can heal or wound, build up or tear down. If you’ve ever doubted that one person’s words can strongly influence another person’s reactions, consider new parents jumping for joy upon hearing their baby’s first syllables, or grieving family members hushed around a hospital bed listening to their loved one’s final good-byes.
The Bible has a lot to say about the power of our words. Our words can reflect our intentions, our esteem for others, and—importantly—the state of our heart.
Below are 5 ways your words have the power to give life or death to your relationships.
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1. Your Words Can Bring Life or Death to Your Relationship with Others
“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Luke 6:45).
Many times, people use their words to cover up their true feelings. Someone may cover up the way they really feel to spare upsetting us or to hide their embarrassment about a subject. Other times, someone may not even be aware of how strongly they feel about something until they unintentionally blurt out how they really feel.
Whether spoken intentionally or as part of a Freudian slip, people’s words reflect what’s in their heart. As St. Luke teaches, a good person “brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart,” while someone with evil feelings “brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart” (Luke 6:45). These “good” or “evil” things that stem from the state of the heart are seen in the words a person repeatedly chooses to speak.
When you take the time to weigh someone’s words, you can better discern if a person is bringing harmony into your life or unrest. Someone who promotes harmony can uplift your spirit, while someone who spends much of their time sowing seeds of division can weigh it down.
You should also honestly weigh the words you speak to others, including the words you speak to yourself. Are your words encouraging or critical? Are they rooted in well-wishes or ill-will? The words you speak in your relationships will eventually nourish or starve those relationships.
2. Your Words Can Harm Your Relationship with God
God hates “a lying tongue…a heart that devises wicked schemes…a false witness who pours out lies…and a person who stirs up conflict in the community” (Proverbs 6:16-19).
Few things induce more dread in a person of faith than running afoul of something God specifically says He hates. Of the seven things that God tells us He hates, four of them have to do with the words we speak to one another.
The Bible tells us plainly that God hates a lying tongue and a heart that devises wicked schemes (Proverbs 6:16-18). The reason is clear-cut: when the truth is twisted or words are taken out of context with the intent to deceive, the deception can create animosity between people or cause someone’s self-esteem to spiral downward. If not checked by the light of truth, the deception can eventually kill the relationship and, in some cases, incite violence.
Lies are also often disseminated in the form of gossip, and God hates a false witness and anyone who stirs up conflict within a community (Proverbs 6:16-19). Gossip can end friendships and family relationships alike. Gossip can also provoke arguments between people who, but for the gossip, may have continued getting along.
One way to avoid spreading strife is to refuse to take part in gossip and to live life as a trustworthy person. While it may sometimes be necessary to reveal secrets to help someone who is hurting themselves or others, be sure that your reason behind the revelation is truly to assist and not to scandalize.
3. Your Words Can Lead You to Salvation
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:29-32).
The Lord Jesus told us Himself that all of Scripture hangs on two commands: to love God with all of your heart, soul, and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:34-40).
The best way to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind is to study His Word so that His wisdom may be constantly in your thoughts, on your lips, and in your heart. In this way, you’d live your life praising the Father Almighty.
To love your neighbor as yourself, God requires three things from you: justice, mercy, and humility (Micah 6:8). You can show justice by using your words to gently restore those who sin (Galatians 6:1), by not accusing anyone falsely (Proverbs 6:16-19), and by using your words to advocate on behalf of the most vulnerable in society such as orphans, refugees, and the poor (Zechariah 7:10).
You can show mercy by comforting others during their dark times and by celebrating another’s triumphs. In doing so, you’d build up your fellow man and use your words to benefit all those who hear you speak (Ephesians 4:29).
Last, you can demonstrate humility by forgiving others as God forgives you (Ephesians 4:32), keeping in mind that forgiving someone does not require continued association in harmful situations. You can also act humbly by trusting in God’s plan for your life and seeking His will in all that you do (Proverbs 3:5-6).
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4. The Words You Write Online Can Be More Harmful Than Those You Speak
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently” (Galatians 6:1).
In our present world of “speaking” to each other over social media platforms, the words we publish online can be more harmful than the words we speak to each another. In particular, cancel culture has emerged as a dangerously divisive online trend.
Cancel culture has proven that the words we publish on social media platforms can have far-reaching and catastrophic results. Targets of cancel culture can end up ostracized, fired from their jobs, or harassed by a deluge of angry strangers. Many times, the victims of online vengeance-seeking mobs are people whose actions seem controversial despite an incomplete context, or whose actions don’t conform to the opinions du jour.
Such online assaults often come at the expense of the free exchange of ideas. Sadly, anonymous online mobs have muscled people and businesses into bowing down to popular social norms (whether or not they agree with these norms) to avoid the risk of further online assaults or the mass withdrawal of support.
In stark contrast to cancel culture, Scripture instructs us to “make every effort to live in peace with everyone” (Hebrews 12:14). Throwing stones at each other from behind the false shield of our computer screens cuts against striving for peace, as it prioritizes rash public shaming over-informed attempts at private correction.
Cancel culture also distances us from God, who wants His children to extend mercy and forgiveness to each another (Luke 6:36; Colossians 3:13). God also wants His children to lead sinners to repentance and reconciliation with those whom they have wronged (2 Corinthians 5:18-20).
5. Your Words Can Affect Your Mental and Physical Health
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).
Another important reason to weigh the words you speak or that are spoken to you is that words have a powerful effect on your emotions. Your emotions, in turn, affect your mental and physical health.
Research shows that having positive emotions makes you more aware of the world around you and more open to new ideas. This awareness and openness lead to an increased ability to adapt, as well as an increased resilience to the inevitable curveballs that life throws your way.
The benefits of positive emotions don’t stop there. Studies have found a link between an optimistic attitude and improved health, including lower blood pressure, lower stress levels, increased physical activity, and a longer life.
This has led researchers to conclude that well-being is a life skill that you can get better at the more you practice it. Not surprisingly, Scripture has similarly been telling us to guard our well-being since ancient times when wise King Solomon instructed: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).
While we can’t completely control our emotions, we can choose the company we keep and choose the type of mindset we want to live with. Associating with upbeat, supportive people has been shown to have a positive effect on our own emotions.
In addition, associating with wise people can keep us healthy when we heed the advice we get from those wise friends. We’re also more likely to make positive life choices when we surround ourselves with others who make positive choices (Proverbs 13:20).
Simply put, God did not create the world for His children to bicker and cause discord among one another. Rather, human beings were blessed above all creatures with the ability to communicate freely through the spoken word. How we use that gift of speech is pivotal to the type of life we lead and the impact we have in leading others to Christ or directing them away from Him. Let us, therefore, make it a priority to choose our words wisely.
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