Dear woman who’s afraid to try again,
I’m writing this love letter to you, whether you’ve lost someone through rejection or death. Whatever the circumstances, it can feel devastating. A sorrow like no other, one where you may believe no one else could truly ever understand what you’re feeling or going through.
Lost love is a very personal kind of suffering, too, one that can feel like the end of your world, and all your hopes and dreams for your future have been crushed with no possibility of recovery.
Unfortunately, like you, many of us have had our hearts broken, wounded by a person we thought would love and cherish us for the rest of their lives. Or maybe it didn’t even get that far, but with each hope of a new relationship has come unbearable disappointment and rejection.
My heart goes out to you because it can feel risky stepping out to try love again.
Your Heart Was Fashioned for Love
Still, God formed your tender heart in the womb, fashioned, formed, and prepared to love and be loved. He never intended your heart to be hurt, broken, or trampled upon, but to be treasured and cherished all the days of your life.
Psalm 139:13, describes the great care God took in creating you. “For You created my inmost being: You knit me together in my mother’s womb.”
If you’ve ever knitted or watched someone knit, you know how much time, care, thought, and planning are put into making something beautiful. Because your heart was created with such love and tenderness, it isn’t equipped to carry the loss of love, but rather, it was designed to love and receive love.
Because trying again in love can feel risky, I’m writing to encourage you to try again, not on your own, but with God’s help and leading, relying on Him for His care over your heart and affections.
How Could God Ever Understand Your Pain?
Many of us find it hard to believe God could possibly understand what it feels like to have our hearts shattered and broken by love. But the truth is: He is the One who understands heartbreak more than any of us because He has experienced it at the most devastating level possible.
The Bible follows the love story of God pursuing His lost love, us, humankind. His Word describes God facing and dealing with betrayal, unfaithfulness, rejection, and more. If anyone knows what total devastation and loss in love feel like, it’s God.
Scripture describes the sadness God has experienced. “The Lord regretted that He had made human beings on the earth, and His heart was deeply troubled” (Genesis 6:6).
It’s too sorrowful to even imagine God’s heart being so deeply troubled. No matter what level I’ve faced grief at in my own life, it is hard for me to imagine how it could ever compare in magnitude to what He has experienced.
So when turning to God in your sorrow, know He understands more than anyone else what kind of heartache you’ve experienced. Because He does, God also knows how to mend the wounds and disappointments deep within you so they don’t keep you from loving again.
What Do You Do With Your Brokenness?
So how do you overcome the pain and deal with a broken heart and the hurtfulness caused by another?
Isaiah 41:10 is a good place to start by trusting God’s promise to us. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
During the most devastating experiences in your life, God is with you, holding your hand. In your most crushing moments, God says He is with you. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).
Although your heart has been disappointed, rejected, wounded, and hurt, it may feel like there is no balm, drug, transplant, or surgical procedure that could ever repair it. But God offers healing to the broken-heartedness you’ve experienced. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).
He understands the brokenness that can come with deep pain, despair, and hopelessness, leaving people’s hearts and emotions deeply wounded.
Believing God Never Fails You
Instead of looking to another person to meet all our needs, we can turn to God who will never fail us. We can let God be the love of our lives and when we do, His love will be released in us to flow through to others.
But if we search for a person we believe will never let us down, we’re sure to be disappointed. Whether intentional or unintentional, we sometimes fail each other.
Instead, 1 Corinthians 13:8 assures us that God’s love never fails, and 1 John 4:16, explains the source of this never-failing love: “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”
With God’s love as our foundation and confidence, we can remain in love even when others let us down. Like Scripture encourages, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
Look to God for Completeness
Although popular culture promotes finding our soul mate and being incomplete without one, the truth is no other person is able to complete us in life. Only God is able to complete us.
Even though God often moves through others to help bring completeness to us, He is the true source of it. He hasn’t given any person on earth the ability to complete another person because it’s only through Him we find wholeness.
Mistakenly, many of us have looked to another person to give us what only God can give us. It’s only in our dependence on God alone where we will find our completeness, knowing He is able to take imperfect individuals and make us whole.
Likewise, God didn’t intend for a romantic relationship to take His place in our lives, but rather, He designed a man and woman to share life looking to Him as the Perfect One, the only One who fulfills their heart’s desires. "He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them” (Psalm 145:19).
Find Your Hope In God
All the above is written to say, find your hope in God when taking a risk with love again. His desire is for you to love and be loved.
“Because of the loving devotion of the Lord we are not consumed, for His mercies never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness! ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him’”(Lamentations 3:22-24).
Although the world may be telling you to look for love on your own, it’s not up to you to attract or convince someone to love you. God encourages you to give Him your heart and delight in His ways (Proverbs 23:26). When you do, you can trust God to have love find you.
You’ve probably heard of couples meeting in unexpected and unusual ways, of the guy who walked into a store to shop and ended up meeting his future wife when she waited on him. My own parents met at Bible College when they both randomly sat down at the same table for breakfast, then married three months later.
One of my friends was hit by a car on his bike and met his future wife in the hospital. Another love connection happened when a paramedic aided an injured woman who ended up becoming his bride.
Take comfort in knowing even in sickness and health, God isn’t limited in the ways He is able to bring people together. Like James 1:17 explains, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
Look to God in finding love because you can trust Him to lead and guide you when you put your faith in Him. “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).
In His love, from a woman who cares,
Lynette
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/kieferpix
Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.