Think back to the very first conversation you had with someone who is now a close friend. Maybe it was a first date, the first time you met a co-worker or the first time you met the person who is now your best friend. What did you say in that first conversation? Was it easy, or was it awkward? Every relationship either moves forward or backward based on our ability to have real conversations. It has been said that “Love without conversation is impossible.” How we talk to each other determines the depth of every relationship – including our relationship with God. In conversational prayer, we can connect with God through intercession, confession, and lamentation.
Intercession
Intercession is talking with God about your needs – which is probably what most of us think about when we think about prayer - talking with God about what we want or need, or talking to God about the needs of others. The Bible calls this need-oriented form of prayer intercession.
In Matthew 6 and Luke 11, we find the Lord’s prayer, the prayer Jesus used as an example of how to pray. Part of that prayer is “Give us this day our daily bread.” (Matthew 6:11, KJV). Yet, in Matthew 4:4 (NLT), Jesus also says, “People do not live by bread alone.” In other words, intercession is praying for needs – our needs as well as the needs of others. I also read the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:8, “Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Interesting! If God already knows what we need before asking him, why should we ask him? God is not only our father but our friend as well. And we talk to our closest friends about everything. Jesus did.
Exodus 33:11 “The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend.”
John 15:15 “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
God relates to us as a Father, but also as a friend. Our close friends understand us so well that they can almost read our minds. Why is that true? Close friends talk about everything – our needs, wants, feelings, hopes, and fears. Intercession is talking to God about what we need. Intercession is also talking to God about the needs of others. Scripture offers several examples of intercession for others.
- We see Moses praying for his people.
- We see Jesus praying for his followers.
- We see Paul praying for the churches he planted.
Richard Foster writes, “If we truly love people, we will desire for them far more than is within our power to give them and this will lead us to prayer. Intercession is a way of loving others.” Intercession is talking with God about what we need and the needs of others. The first way we pray with our words is intercession.
Confession
Confession is talking with God about our sins. Confession is agreeing with God about our behavior and actions. When my husband was in elementary school, he learned how confession works. His mom stayed home with four kids every day, and Dan would often get in trouble. His mom would say, “Danny Ray, your father will deal with you when he gets home.” And sure enough, at bedtime, his dad would come in and ask, “Danny Ray, is there anything you want to tell me about your day?” What his father was really asking was, “Is there anything you need to confess?”
Jesus teaches us to pray every day. Jesus teaches us to intercede for ourselves and others every day. Jesus teaches us to confess every day.
Luke 11:4 “Forgive us our sins, as we also forgive everyone who sins against us.”
Confession is the practice of asking God’s forgiveness for the sin in our lives. Sin is anything that is not honoring to God or others. Sin is anything that is not God’s best for us. Confession is the daily practice of asking forgiveness for the sin in our lives. Confession is so necessary in our prayers and our relationship with God.
Imagine a close relationship where you never say “I’m sorry.” You never say the words. We all mess up in every relationship we have, so we need to say we are sorry. But you never say it. I can promise you there is a wall built up in that relationship. And you are not experiencing the level of trust and emotional intimacy for which you were designed. When our wrongs are left unconfessed, there is a wall between that other person and us. It’s the same with God. If we want a close relationship with God, we regularly practice prayers of confession.
Psalm 51:10 is an example of David’s prayer of confession to God. “Create in me a clean heart, renew a right spirit within me.” Confession is not checking off our sins in a big book of good and bad deeds. The motivation for confession is that we love God and desire to be close to him. And here is the good news – when we engage in this practice of confession, we are forgiven.
1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, God who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
God is a loving father and faithful friend. When we come to him in confession, we exercise trust that he is who he says he is.
Psalm 103:8-13 “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
We do not confess because God is mad at us. We confess because God misses us and hates the distance sin causes between Him and us. In confession, God’s love becomes real to us, and we find freedom and gratitude for the goodness of God. In confession, we find healing. In confession, we are made whole. In confession, we draw closer to God.
Most of us have something that we need to confess. Something we have been hiding for a long time. Something we have never admitted to God or others. Something that keeps us bearing that weight of shame in our lives. What is that something for you?
- A lie that you constantly try to cover up.
- A pornography habit that you can’t shake.
- An addiction you won’t own up to.
- A hateful attitude towards someone that you rehearse over and over in your mind.
- The mistreatment of someone.
- The hurt you have caused.
I don’t know what it is for you, but I can assure you that when you confess your sin to God and others, you are on your way to freedom, wholeness, and healing.
Lamentation
Lamentation is talking with God about sorrow. We don’t often use this old English word, nor do we practice this biblical idea. Lamentation is being brokenhearted about what breaks God’s heart. Learning what to do with our pain and grief is a large part of the Christian journey. Culture says, “Suck it up. Get a grip. Control your emotions. Don’t feel. Don’t talk. Stuff the pain. Pretend or medicate if you have to - but get over it and move on.” Right? Even Christian culture often falsely says, “If you are full of faith, you won’t get hurt, confused, and discouraged.” The false promise is, “If you follow Jesus, You won’t feel hopeless or have a life filled with pain and loss.” But that is not the way of Jesus. Jesus weeps. God weeps.
We find God grieving the mess that people were making in the world as early as chapter 6 of Genesis - the first book in the Bible. And we find God grieving the mess that His followers have made in the church as late as chapters 2-3 of Revelation - the last book in the Bible. From start to finish, the Bible paints a picture of a God who is often brokenhearted.
Sometimes the best response to the brokenness of this world and our own lives is a mixture of tears and prayers. These prayers are called Lamentations, and there is a whole book of the Bible dedicated to them. It must be a big deal to God. Lamentation prayers alone don’t solve our problems, but they grow our relationship with God. They help us feel His closeness and trust that He is with us. When tragedy strikes, we will either get bitter or we will get better. It is our choice. The practice of lamenting could be the fork in the road between bitter and better. When we invite God into the unfairness of our situation, when we cry out to him over the wrongness of the world, when we shout about all that has been done to us, we demonstrate the truth that we know we are not alone. I have written several books, but I am at the point in life where I want to write a book, “Seriously, Lord?” Ever feel that way? I mean, really, God?
It is okay to feel that way. It is okay to express that grief to God in prayer. It is okay to be brokenhearted before God in prayer.
Any prayer, including Lamentation prayer, is essentially saying, “I know you are there, God.” Lamentation says, “I am hurting about this, Father. Thank you for hurting with me.” Psalm 34:18 says, “God draws near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.”
We can lament anything that is not as God would have it be. The pain and suffering of this world is not God’s design. And because of our sin, this world is broken and does not always lead to the human flourishing that God designed.
- Racism
- Poverty
- Sickness
- Death
- Abortion
- Abuse
All things worth lamenting. And in our pain and brokenness, we can use a prayer of lament to cry on the shoulder of God. God can be trusted to care for the deepest parts of us that we don’t want anyone else to see. He can be trusted to love us no matter the pain that has been inflicted upon us or that we’ve afflicted upon someone else. So our expanded definition of lamentation is, “Lamentation is grieving with God over something that is not as God wants it to be.” In prayers of intercession, confession, and lamentation, we are reminded of God’s invitation found in 1 Peter 5:7, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”
Turn your worry into prayer. If it is big enough to worry you - turn your worry into a prayer. If it is big enough to distract you - turn your distraction into a prayer. If it is big enough to discourage you - turn your discouragement into prayer.
Mary Southerland is also the Co-founder of Girlfriends in God, a conference and devotion ministry for women. Mary’s books include, Hope in the Midst of Depression, Sandpaper People, Escaping the Stress Trap, Experiencing God’s Power in Your Ministry, 10-Day Trust Adventure, You Make Me So Angry, How to Study the Bible, Fit for Life, Joy for the Journey, and Life Is So Daily. Mary relishes her ministry as a wife, a mother to their two children, Jered and Danna, and Mimi to her six grandchildren – Jaydan, Lelia, Justus, Hudson, Mo, and Nori.