Cherish means to protect and care for someone lovingly. Marriage is a privilege. It is the opportunity to be in union with another person, modeling Christ and His church. Cherishing your wife is of the utmost importance to creating a thriving marriage. It is not something to be taken lightly. Often people go into marriage with the notion that it is created to fill a void or to ultimately bring personal happiness. We perhaps get married to experience romance and butterflies, which are all well and good, but what happens when the good feelings go away? Do we still pursue our spouse even if we don't feel like it? This is usually the time in a marriage where the enemy wants to invade our thought life, filling it with lies about how much happier we would be if we were no longer married to this person. That there is someone better out there for us. That if only they would make the necessary changes, then at least we could moderately enjoy being married. These are all lies from an enemy who strives to bring division into the marriage relationship that is created to glorify God.
Whether on rocky ground or smooth sailing, a husband pursuing and cherishing his wife are commandments from our creator, the inventor of marriage itself.
In their book Love Dare, Alex and Stephen Kendrick have created a challenge for married couples to either together or separately focus on doing something loving for their spouse every day for 30 days. As humans, our natural tendency is to protect ourselves and our own feelings. The Kendrick brothers are challenging us to go outside of ourselves and focus on our spouse, sacrificing our own feelings and leaving our pride at the door. This falls in line with Paul's teaching in Ephesians:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25
This is easier said than done, especially if we feel wronged by our spouse. Although, even when we have a healthy relationship, putting in the effort to cherish our spouse can be a challenge. I encourage you, husbands, to cherish your wife. Make her feel loved. If she feels loved and cherished, she will offer love and respect back to you, thus, starting a beautiful cycle of mutual love and respect. Here are 6 Ways to make your wife feel cherished:
1. Pray for and with Her
When my husband and I were in pre-marital counseling, our pastor told us something that has stuck with me. He told us to pray with each other every night before we got to bed. To pray for each other, thank God for each other, and be specific. This has kept my husband and me close. Hearing my husband thank God for me, and everything I am to him and appreciating all the things I do for our family soothes my heart. It motivates me to be a better wife and a better mom. Praying for your wife creates a layer of protection around her. Pray for the enemy to flee from her life and pray protection over her body, mind, and soul. Pray for your wife, with her, and for her.
2. Be the Leader of the Home
The Lord calls husbands to be the leader of the home. This means spiritually and in every other way. When your wife sees you leading her and your children to the Lord every day and taking the step to initiate spirituality in the home, she will see that you take your role as the leader seriously. She will feel cherished as it will leave room in her life to fulfill her role as the wife, not putting spiritual leadership in her hands. This job is meant for the husband, so take on this role with fervor and intensity. Model a whole and deep relationship with the Lord. This will not only bless your marriage but your children as well.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit everything to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24
3. Ask Her about Her Day
Nothing is more of a letdown than ending your day listening to your spouse only talk about their day and never to be asked about your own. Before you dive headfirst into the stressful or joyous details of your day, ask about her day. Ask her what she did, what she experienced, and how she felt. Allow her to talk about all the mundane details and give her space to express all the pent-up emotion. Giving her this opportunity initiated by you will make her feel cherished, loved, respected, and cared for.
4. Surprise Her
Does your wife love to be surprised? If she does, then take advantage of this sure-fire way to cherish your wife. Surprise her with roses on a random Tuesday afternoon. Surprise her with a date night. Plan the entire thing, babysitter and all. Surprise her with a night out with friends or a weekend getaway. Thoughtful surprises will make her feel thought of, loved, and cherished.
5. Send a Sweet Text on the Random
Everyone loves to look at their phone and see a message from their spouse unexpectedly expressing their love and thankfulness for them. When we go out of our way to express our gratitude for our spouse, it can lift their spirits. Ask the Lord to prompt you in these moments. If you feel like you should text your bitmoji saying "Can't stop thinking about you" or "I love you to bits," do it. This simple gesture will remind your wife that she is loved and cherished by you.
6. Learn Her Love Language
In Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, he describes in detail the five ways that a person longs to be loved and how they love. The languages are quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. If you take the time to learn your spouse's love language, you can love her in the way that she will truly respond to. If she thrives on spending time with you and being touched, then focus on these things instead of always buying gifts or doing something for her. She will still appreciate any act of love, but when you hone in on what her heart truly desires, she will absolutely feel cherished by you.
Whatever you do to make your wife feel cherished, do it out of selfless and sacrificial love. This is to model Christ's love for us. Relish in the love that God has for you and love God above all else. Love for your wife will naturally flow out of you when you do this. In fact, love will flow out of you in all areas of your life. If your wife feels cherished, her natural response will be love and respect toward you. Even in her most bitter state, love by you motivated by God will slowly chip away at her heart.
Whether you're in a challenging marriage or not, cherishing your wife is an important commandment. If husbands neglect to cherish their wives and allow loving actions to fall to the wayside, this opens an opportunity for the enemy to creep in and create a divide. Stay on guard in your marriage. Always loving, always cherishing, and always making your wife your highest priority, under the almighty God.
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Matthew 22:37-39
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Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Western Washington. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at www.mrsheidivegh.com , sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at her local church and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing, she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.