"Those were blissful days!" Mary recalled with a distorted smile as she loaded the dishwasher. She and Pete had met at a work conference and dated for one year before tying the knot. Their courtship was exhilarating, as they explored new hobbies, went for nature walks, and sampled new restaurants, among many other fun activities. There was never a dull moment.
Getting married seemed to have been the cherry on top since they now had more time together. They loved to stay up late chatting and watching movies. They also took up exercise, tried sizzling new recipes, played various games, and hurried away for picnics. Mary couldn't have asked for more. Her marriage was a boatload of fun, just what she had envisioned as a young girl.
Four years into their marriage, all the fun seemed to have slipped through the cracks. They were now busy shuffling between raising their two kids and fortifying their careers. Mary often reminisced on the "good old days" when their relationship was full of life and spontaneity. Like Mary and Pete, many couples stumble upon this fork in the road. Their relationship starts to lose its luster, and its once well-oiled wheels start squeaking. Life becomes a bit of a yawn. If this rings true in your relationship, worry not. Here are seven things you can do to put the fun back in your relationship.
1. Choose to Enjoy Life
"Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
God did not create marriage so that we can all languish in there. Far from it! Everything God created is good. The Bible further states that every good and perfect gift is from above and comes down from the father of lights (James 1:17). God created marriage for enjoyment. After creating Adam, He noted that it would not be good for him to be alone; he needed a helper. (Genesis 2:18). That's because God wanted man and woman to revel in a beautiful friendship and get a kick out of life.
In Mark 11, we see Jesus looking for figs from a fig tree, but all He found were leaves. How aggravating! He wound up cursing the unfruitful fig tree. In the same way, when God takes a peek at your marriage, He expects to see you bursting forth with fruit, and among them is great enjoyment. Make sure that others can feed on the vitality that your marriage exudes. Put effort into kicking out boredom and paving the way for the things that will crank up the fun in your marriage. Choose to glorify God with a fun-filled marriage.
2. Try New Things Together
When was the last time you tried something new with your partner? Has your life's rhythm become as predictable as the sunrise? You can sprinkle some pizzazz into your relationship by trying your hand at something new. You could try hiking in the mountains, camping, a new sport, gardening, visiting a museum, walking in the woods, and dancing, among others.
Trying new things sparks off imagination and creativity. As you try to figure out the new activity together, you connect more with your partner, probe each other, and laugh together. You get to experience the thrill of exploring unchartered waters, which injects more fun into your relationship.
3. Get Together With Other Couples
There's untold joy, laughter, and fun whenever people come together and share their life experiences. Studies show that teaming up with like-minded friends helps you feel happier, offers emotional support, challenges you to smooth your rough edges, and perks up your confidence.
Getting together with other couples will be a breath of fresh air and give you brand new perspectives in life. As you exchange views, laugh together, play, and learn new things, your marriage gets a hefty boost. Besides, You and your spouse get new ideas to explore and cackle about.
"He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed." (Proverbs 13:20).
4. Look for Fun in Every Day Moments
Let's face it; sometimes, you have to search around for some excitement in your relationship. In life, things do not just happen; they are made to happen. If you allow your marriage to run its natural course, it is likely to take the path of least resistance, plunging you headfirst into boredom.
Ditch the poker face and savor life. Tell your partner some goofy jokes that will leave them in stitches. Turn up some music in the house and ask them to dance with you. Smear some cake on their face when they least expect it. Be present in every moment. Look for every tiny chance to have fun and wring it dry.
"A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)
5. Take a Vacation Without the Kids
Think back on all the fun you had together before you had kids. You probably enjoyed bowling, attended musicals, tried fishing, horse riding, birdwatching, and many other fun activities. But with the blessing of kids, it's not always easy to sneak away and enjoy them.
Consider taking a vacation without the kids. This will take meticulous planning, especially if your kids are young. But that's a small price to pay for the many benefits it will inject into your marriage. You will be free to revel in all the things that make you tick without restraint. You also get to reminisce on your earlier years together and rekindle the flame. Though your kids may be up in arms against being left behind, remember that it's for the good of your marriage. Besides, never lose sight of the fact that happy parents raise happy kids.
6. Surprise Your Partner
Do you remember the last time your partner planned a mind-blowing surprise for you? Do you remember how that knocked your socks off? You probably wept like a baby, jumping up and down giddily, wringing your hands in disbelief as you took in the intricate details of the surprise.
There was laughter, tears, and confessions as you sought to know how your spouse and their accomplices pulled off the surprise without you catching wind of it. That was a lot of fun, wasn't it? Consider splurging some fun into your relationship by planning a surprise for your partner. It could be anything – a surprise birthday, anniversary, lunch at work, flowers, weekend getaway, or picnic. There's something exhilarating about catching someone off guard.
7. Play Games Together
Playing games is another brilliant way of snuffing out boredom in your relationship. As you give your partner a run for their money, you laugh, tease each other, give hi-fives, and simply soak in the moment. Besides, studies show that playing games with your spouse may help ward off any pent-up resentment. It also helps to relieve stress, improves brain functioning, and sparks creativity. You could try board games, playing cards, scavenger hunts, sports, and many others.
8. Rekindle Your First Love
"Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love." (Revelation 2:4)
The church of Ephesus was commended for several things. They scored highly in their works, their labor, patience, and intolerance for evil. They were, however, reprimanded for forsaking their first love. I wonder if God holds the same view regarding us as He looks at our marriages. Perhaps He is impressed with how we raise our kids and serve Him in ministry. We may even get a pat on the back for mentoring others and helping the poor. But could He be displeased at how we have allowed our relationships to fester?
Have we abandoned our first love in our relationships? Have we allowed familiarity to replace the fun? It's time to shove more planks of wood into the dying fire until it gets searing hot.
Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.