When you’re out of the mainstream loops, sometimes trendy topics pass you by. That’s why the popularity of narcissism may come as a shock to some. There are psychology articles about the topic, even Christian ones too, ranging from how the personality disorder affects friendships and marriage to steps for overcoming if you are a narcissist.
Considering pride is one of the seven deadliest sins, maybe this modern popularity shouldn’t come as a surprise.
In an age of likes, followers, and reposts, social media has given us an outlet to foster our most selfish tendencies. Men and women alike have taken to posting the best versions of themselves for the world to see. The best foods, the best trips, the best pictures, the best experiences.
Even when we post about things we dislike, we do so to get affirmation from others. We desire all of the praise and none of the critique. If deprived of attention, we hurt, we doubt ourselves, and we question our worth.
Narcissism is a symptom of a larger ongoing cultural problem – selfishness.
Offline, our selfishness is made known through our inability to converse about anything or anyone beyond ourselves. Take a look at our inability to listen to one another, get along with people who think differently, even our submission to God. The world revolves around us and bows to our whim, or so we think.
If selfishness were ever a sin, today we treat the idea like a virtue.
You come first, the world says. Your happiness, your career, your everything.
Unfortunately, some of us decide to believe the world. The further we stray from God, the more appealing the thought of serving ourselves sounds. After all, don’t we want our every desire fulfilled?
As much as our society wants to move away from God, there seems to be a unanimous agreement that life overall has not improved in America. We’re less happy, less satisfied, and less fulfilled.
Who would be surprised considering these 5 ways selfishness shows up in society today?
1. Conversational Narcissism
When most people enter into a conversation, the topic is, you guessed it, themselves. For some people, that’s all they want to talk about and all they know how. They may ask about you here and there, but they do so as a courtesy not out of genuine care.
Conversational narcissism quickly makes a conversation run dry, unless you have two narcissists. Then they go back and forth like a pendulum.
2. Avoiding Commitment
A common lament of the modern dating scene is the fear of commitment. This lack thereof has given birth to terms like ‘ghosting’ and ‘fading’ where the person who once expressed interest stops, either completely all at once, or gradually.
In our society, women are encouraged to put themselves first, not submit to a husband, not even look for one until they have an established career. If a baby somehow comes into the picture, abortion is meant to be a solution – again a lack of commitment.
Men similarly are encouraged to act on their every sexual whim, including reveling in pornography. Too many men are leaving the home, leading to a number of fatherless children.
Divorce is high and long-term relationships are low.
What ultimately is happening, is two people unprepared for a long-term relationship come together and learn they are incompatible. Though they blame one another, the issue is actually within.
3. Avoiding Parenthood
Today lovers are struggling to commit to one another, and that lack of commitment is shown towards children too. After Roe v. Wade was overturned, there was an uptick in men seeking vasectomies. Many young people are even opting to live childfree and raise animals instead.
This fear or dislike of parenthood reveals just how much some of us value ourselves over children.
4. Tunnel Vision
Too often today, many of us experience tunnel vision when discussing topics like religion or politics. If someone disagrees with us, then we want nothing to do with them. Not only that, but if they prove us wrong, we ignore them instead of reconsidering our position.
This sort of selfishness reveals that you’re not interested in learning, you’re interested in being right.
5. Moral Relativism
“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness, who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter” (Isaiah 5:20). So many people have hopped on the “don’t judge me” bandwagon that we’re afraid to do anything but affirm one another. Moral relativism makes us selfish because we don’t genuinely care for the other person’s growth. We just want to avoid conflict so that we feel good.
Can People Change?
“I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
Asking if a narcissist can change is akin to asking whether an addict can ever rise above bad habits. Even when specific sins become hard-wired into our characters, we can change. We have God on our side.
Similar to what Dr. Bruce Perry examines in his book with Oprah Winfrey, What Happened to You?, that is a question you can ask yourself about the narcissist.
What happened to them?
No one wakes up one day and says to themselves, ‘I want to be a narcissist!’ People develop bad habits and turn to sin as a way of coping with the world. Does this mean that if you’re married to a narcissist that they will change. No. Does this mean that they can change? Yes.
However, change has to come from within. People change when they see a need for change. That’s the case with an addict; that’s the case with a narcissist. That’s the case with all of our selfish behaviors. If you want to help someone overcome their selfish tendencies, consider these strategies:
- Pray for Them
- Set Boundaries
- Remind Them of Scripture
- Call Them Out
Scripture says that “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). This means that we can do our part to help one another. By ensuring that selfishness is not present within us, we’ll do all the better with helping people deal with their own.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/Aaron Amat
Aaron D'Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes to Salem Web Network’s Crosswalk platform and supports various clients through the freelancing website Upwork. He's an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo.
Get in touch with him at aarondanthony.com and check out his debut short story anthology Honey Dreams on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.