Are You Emotionally and Spiritually Mature?

How old are you? There are so many ways to answer that question:

How old I really am.

How old I feel.

How old I look.

How old I act.

We naturally grow older physically as the years go by. However, we do not necessarily grow older emotionally as the years go by. Therefore, we have to make conscious choices to grow emotionally. We have to put away childish things to mature emotionally. Many fifty-year-old people are still adolescents emotionally. And that is a problem because spiritual growth depends on emotional growth. I cannot be a spiritual adult if I am still a child emotionally.

We have to learn to be adults. We have to choose to be adults. We have to choose to grow up in Christ. In the middle of 1 Corinthians 13, Paul's challenge to love, we find these words:

"When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11

There is a lot in that verse. First, Paul points the childish Corinthian church to the love of Jesus as their answer. But Paul also tells them it is time to grow up and become adults. If we are going to grow up and become spiritual adults, we must put away some childish emotional habits. Three childish things we have to put away to become adults are in this verse.

First: put away childish speech.

Have you been around any 2–3-year-old kids lately? Two main words in their vocabulary. "Me and mine." All of life is about them. All their talk is about them. I want. I need. I will. I like. I do it myself. It is natural for a 2–3-year-old to be "me-centric." They see the world as how it affects them. They see themselves as the center of the universe. And their speech reflects this thought.

Toby Keith has a great song that sums this up. Here are the lyrics to his classic "I wanna talk about me."

I wanna talk about me,

wanna talk about I,

wanna talk about number one,

oh me, oh my

what I think,

what I like,

what I know,

what I want,

what I see

I like talking about you, you, you, you usually

but occasionally

I wanna talk about me

I wanna talk about me.

That is so true for adults who are still children emotionally. Except they don't want to talk about themselves occasionally. They want to talk about themselves continually. Society has encouraged us to do this. Share your feelings. Speak up for yourself. Write that nasty e-mail. Blow up on social media. Tell the world what you think. Small doses of that are needed, but a steady diet of "me-ism" is childish.

What does your language say about you? What do your favorite topics say about you? How much of your talk is "me my mine" oriented?

Here is an absolute truth. Talk about yourself all the time - and you will have few friends - and very little influence. Learn the art of talking about what others are interested in - and you will never lack friends or impact. Part of being an adult is realizing you are here to serve, not to be served. Part of being an adult is learning you are here to listen, not just to talk. Your childish talk is the first toy you have to put away to become emotionally and spiritually mature.

Second: put away childish thoughts.

It is not just enough to put away childish talk. God also says we have to put away silly thoughts. Proverbs 23:7 in the KJV nails this truth: "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is." To become a spiritually mature adult, I have to put away childish thinking.

Children view life as themselves at the center of the universe. They see everything in life as how it affects them. This kind of mindset is human nature. In a child, that is normal. Grandparents call it "cute." Parents call it "annoying." In an adult, psychologists call this self-centered thinking "narcissism." Seeing everything as how it affects you makes you a narcissist. You may be an adult in years, but you are still a child emotionally if you see everything for how it affects you. Your body may be that of an adult. However, your brain is still that of a child. Jesus had a solution for this. He taught it regularly.

Love God first. Love others second. Love yourself third. Put God first. Put others second. Put yourself third. God is so committed to this that he gives us multiple chances to learn it.

In family settings, God gives us:

-Siblings so we can learn to share.

-Wife or a husband, so we learn to serve.

-Children so we can learn to prioritize others.

-Aging parents, so about the time I think the kids are gone, and it is all about me again - you have parents in need of your care.

In work settings, God gives us:

-Workmates so we can learn to play team ball.

-Bosses so we can learn not to always get our way.

-Clients so we can learn to serve.

In neighborhoods, God gives us.

-Easy neighbors with whom we can do life.

-Difficult neighbors, so we can learn hard lessons.

Here is the central truth we must learn to stop thinking like a child. So, we can stop thinking of ourselves as the center of the universe. Life is so not about me. It takes years of re-thinking to re-wire your thinking this way. It takes years of submitting to Jesus to stop being self-centered. So, God - today - don't let me think it is all about me. The first toy you have to put away to grow up and be an adult - childish talk. The second toy you have to put away to grow up and be an adult - childish thinking.

Third: put away childish actions.

You've got to dig a bit for this one.

"When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11

The original Greek word here for "reasoned" meant "to think through and come to a decision." The Greeks were famous for this. They had a formula:

Talk it through. Think it through. Decide what to do - and act.

Action is the implication of reason in Greek logic. To come to the proper conclusion and not act on it would be dumb in Greek thinking. It would not be Greek at all. To move away from my childish self-centeredness and mature spiritually, I must:

Talk like an adult. Think like an adult. Act like an adult.          

We have all heard this saying: if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and waddles like a duck - it's a duck. The same is true here. If someone talks like a child (about themselves), thinks like a child (how will this affect me) and acts like a child (it's all about me) - they are a child! Jesus told his disciples that the greatest love is when you lay down your life for someone else. Jesus says just that.

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." John 15:13

We think that means being willing to die for someone else. But it's more than that. It's being ready to live for someone else.

Mother Teresa was well known for some of her great sayings. But is it not her speech that impresses me most. It is her life. Her life shouted, "it is not about me." The poor people of her parish knew she would die for them because she had spent so many years living for them. The same is even more accurate with Jesus. The teachings of Jesus are amazing. What he said is inspirational. What he did changed the world. He laid down his life for others.

How can we bring this idea of putting away childish things to become spiritual adults into practice?

Step one - identify your "still a kid" foothold.

• Still tend to talk like a child - most of my talk is about me
• Still tend to think like a child - first thought is, "how will this affect me."
• Still tend to act like a child - still pout, still throw tantrums, still take toys, and go home

Step two - surrender your "still a kid" foothold.

Jesus is the one who matures us. When we surrender our childish ways, he teaches us adult ways. We can try for years to change our character. We can spend a lifetime in the self-help section of the library. But only Jesus brings about actual character change. Only Jesus re-makes us into someone new.

Step three - submit to someone to coach you through your "still a kid" foothold.

Choose an adult to coach you as you overcome your "still a kid" foothold. Everyone needs a coach. Everyone can coach someone who is behind them.

Here is a problem in life. We tend to hang out with people at the same stage. Birds of a feather flock together. Fourteen-year-olds hang with fourteen-year-olds. Fifty-year-old people who still talk, think, or act like children often hang out with other childish adults. Mad adults tend to hang out with other adults that are mad. We tend to talk to people who are childish like we are childish. Instead of finding a spiritual adult to coach us. Who is ahead of you in Christ - in emotional and spiritual maturity? Who can coach you?

Which one is your next step today?

It is time to grow up. It is time to be an adult. It is time to put away childish things. It is time to let Jesus make us more like Jesus.