God created us for companionship with Himself. In the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve lived in complete harmony with God. God gave humans free will, which enabled us to make our own choices. Unfortunately, Adam and Eve disobeyed God, creating a separation between humans and God. God's plan of redemption spanned over many generations, finally coming to fruition with the birth, ministry, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This sacrifice filled the gap between our sinful humanity and God and has allowed us to be intimate once again with our creator.
When we get married, we join a God-created union that was purposed to bring us closer to God and one with our spouse. Marriage is the perfect reflection of Christ and His Church, us.
So, what does it mean to have a Christ-centered marriage? Here are five questions to ask yourselves:
1. Do we spend time in prayer with one another often?
Spending time in prayer is the most important thing you can do together. Bringing every decision before the Lord and asking for His guidance puts God at the center of your marriage. This practice puts your own agendas and desires into the hands of the Lord, leaving room for Him to work in your life and marriage. The Lord promises that when two or more are gathered, He will be there among them, listening, answering, and blessing them.
When we align our hearts together under the sovereign control of the Lord, He will lead, guide, convict, change, and bless us. However, when we lift everything to the Lord, it doesn't mean we always get what we want or that it will always be an easy road. We may go through a season of testing or pruning to make room for the places God wants to take us. If you begin praying together, don't be surprised if you find yourself convicted or pressed to make uncomfortable changes in your life. But take heart, God's pruning always leads us to better places.
"For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them." Matthew 18:20
2. Do we live as Christ to each other?
Do we bicker over silly things, hold grudges, or live in unforgiveness? God calls us to love one another above ourselves. In marriage, this is especially important as you are called to live in unity, reflecting Christ. When we live in humble service to God with our spouse, this leaves room for Him to work through all our conflicts and differences helping us to come out on the other side changed and humbled.
It is never easy to apologize first. However, when we allow stubbornness or a strong desire always to be right take root in our hearts, it will only increase the chasm between you and your spouse. If you humble yourself, apologize first, and let them see your humility, that will only help increase your intimacy. Just imagine if both of you lived in a place of humility; the opportunity for divine closeness would be endless.
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." James 4:10
3. Are you serving God?
Do you attend church together? Do you give of your finances, time, and gifts? When a couple serves God together, using your God-given gifts, it brings them closer. God can use a couple dedicated to Him in powerful ways. Married life, especially with a family, can be overwhelming. We are often bombarded with responsibilities. We can face burnout when we strive to do everything in our own strength with only the paycheck or clean house as our primary goal. When we align our hearts with the Lord and do everything, I mean everything for Him and His glory, the reward is much greater than earthly things. We gain peace, a sense of purpose, and accomplishment far greater than what we can conjure up ourselves.
Amidst all the hustle, ask God to give you creativity in finding ways to serve Him together. Volunteer at church, serve your local rescue mission, or seek out places in your community that could use your help. Serving together will bond you. Serving together will bless your marriage, your children, and those around you.
Review your finances and evaluate your giving. Do you e as God calls us to? (2 Corinthians 9:7) Do you donate to causes that further the kingdom of God? God promises to bless your finances when you choose to give. This doesn't necessarily mean riches, but God will provide for you in miraculous ways when you trust Him with your finances.
"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men." Colossians 3:23
4. Do you love God more than anything else, even your spouse?
This may sound confusing; I mean, how can we love something MORE than our spouse? But this is the way that God has designed our hearts. He gave us the innate desire to worship. When we place our spouses, children, jobs, or anything other than God at the forefront of our lives, it can become an idol. When we have idols in our lives, our hearts are looking for satisfaction and a sense of purpose from something that wasn't designed to fill that for us. Our worship should only be aimed at the LORD. When a married couple places God at the center of their lives, everything can fall into the correct, God-ordained places.
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33
5. Do you speak to each other with love and forgiveness, modeling Christ?
What comes out of our mouths reflects what is in our hearts. We all have things burning inside of us, longing to come out. We all have comebacks, ridicule, or complaints, and we need them to be known.
But what if we held back? What if we chose to surrender those burning words to the Lord, surrendering our spouse and letting God do the hard work in them? It is sometimes better to bring it to the Lord than our spouse. Words can lift or tear down. When we allow the words to flow from our mouths without a second thought, they are caught by the ears of the person we are called to love most, and they stick. Words cannot be unsaid.
Choose your words wisely. If you long to reflect Jesus in your marriage and have Him be the center, then bring all of your words into alignment with God's truth and God's love. Speaking words of kindness will bring you and your spouse closer to each other and the Lord.
"Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." Proverbs 15:4
Changing how we are married is never easy, but it is possible. If you desire to have God be the center of your marriage, then it will take some work and humility. If you are the only one in your marriage with this desire, that is challenging; however, it is then up to you to take the first steps.
*Request praying together with you taking the lead.
*Live in a place of humility and forgiveness
*Serve God in your family, your church, and your community.
*Put God before everything else in your life, prioritizing time with Him.
*Speak out in love and hold back harsh words.
The Lord created your marriage for this purpose. To love and honor God with your marriage. To love each other in a way that reflects Him and shouts to the world His greatness. The Lord will equip you for all these things. Surrender, obey and trust.
Related Resource: Listen to our FREE podcast on marriage: Team Us. The best marriages have a teamwork mentality. Find practical, realistic ideas for strengthening your marriage. Listen to an episode here, and then head over to LifeAudio.com to check out all of our episodes:
Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Western Washington. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at www.mrsheidivegh.com , sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at her local church and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing, she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.