9 Ways Becoming a Mom Has Changed Me from a Faith Perspective

Before I had kids, I often held onto what I thought was mine with an extraordinarily tight grip. If I was planning to wear a certain outfit, and someone I loved needed a cute outfit also, and what I was wearing looked really great on them, well … sorry. They were welcome to pick through my closet for something else, or drag me along on a shopping trip. I, however, was wearing my own cute outfit.

But now that my daughter and I wear about the same size, I can’t tell you how many times she’s been unhappy with her outfit, and I’ve let her wear the very dress I planned to wear. Yes, even actually taking off said dress and putting on something else just so she could wear mine.

Or, if we were out and my child forgot his water bottle (even after I’d warned him no less than five times to bring his own!), but I had mine and he was thirsty, I would freely pass mine over to him and we would share.

Motherhood shifted something for me in the generosity department. I discovered I’m willing to share, and not only with my kids.

As Proverbs 11:25 says, “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”

2. It’s Taught Me Selflessness

This has extended to selflessness, too. There were times in my life – especially during my single mom days – when I was extraordinarily tight on money. On those days, I’d make sure my kids were fed, which occasionally meant I did without a proper dinner. But even today, if I have $50 and we’re at the mall, and I and my child could use a new pair of sneakers, guess who’s getting the shoes? Them, naturally.

I now have what feels like a biological instinct to provide for them, even at the expense of myself – a feeling that often extends to other people.

As the apostle Paul writes in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

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And speaking of humility, that also comes along with the motherhood territory. I remember one day I just gotten my nails done and thought my hands looked great. Then one of my kids asked whether they’d get “grandma hands” too when they got to be my age. (Ouch!)

Then there was the day my kids asked if, when I was young, our iPhones and iPads were made out of wood. When I admitted they hadn’t actually been invented when I was their age, they were aghast at how old I was.

There is nothing about the innocent honesty of a child that can bring a good dose of humility to a person. I think this is a good thing. It’s great to be confident and love yourself, but too much pride and self-assurance can be a downfall.

As it says in James 4:10, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

4. Self-Control Sets the Standard

Little ones are always watching, always looking to see how we respond to things. As a mom, my awareness of this brought me a lot of self-control. If I went somewhere and a clerk was rude to me, the before-kids me might be inclined to get snippy right back and even ask for the manager. But with my kids watching, I control my tongue, look the clerk in the eye, and behave like a lady with compassion. It doesn’t mean I let myself take abuse, but it does mean I guard myself from wrath or other sinful behavior.

Likewise, there have been times during conflicts with my kids — especially on those days when I’d gotten four hours of sleep and my nerves were already frayed — when an issue might make me want to blow my lid and explode with all sorts of angry words.

But then I’d realize: I’m the mom. I’m a grown-up. And I’d rein those emotions in and maintain self-control.

As it says in Proverbs 16:32, “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” And in James 1:19, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

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As my kids got older, occasions would arise where they wouldn’t be with me all the time. Whether that was sending them off to elementary school or on a field trip where I hadn’t been selected as a chaperone, or spending the night at a friend’s house, there were times when I couldn’t keep a careful watch on my kids. These prompted awkward and uncomfortable feelings for me at first. As a mother, I had a God-given instinct to protect them, and some part of me felt like if they were with me or within my sight, I could do that. If I were “in control,” no harm would ever befall them.

We all know that’s not the case. They could just as easily get injured on my watch as on someone else’s. But the illusion of control is a powerful one. 

Becoming a mom taught me that I need to surrender that control sometimes, and that I always need to realize that God is the One in control, not me. All I can really do is trust, pray, and then turn them over to God’s protection, knowing He is going to take care of everything. He always does, and everything will be according to His will.

As Jesus says in Matthew 21:22, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

6. Patience Pays Off

Left to my own devices, I can be really impatient. Before kids I’d often grumble about how long it took to get to work because of traffic, or about the line at the drive-through. Maybe an especially infuriating person might prompt me to think or even say things impatiently. I always seemed to be in such a hurry.

But becoming a mom taught me to slow way, way down. Life is not a race to the finish line, but it’s a journey. The beauty of life happens along the way. The small encounters we have with other people are incredibly meaningful, and sometimes it’s really good for our soul to have to wait in line or get stuck in traffic. Otherwise, we miss those little moments of awe.

That pause in life is not the end of the world, and in fact gives us an opportunity to get more in tune with our creator. Everything does not have to be a rush.

I am far more patient about everything now, thanks to this.

Isaiah 40:31 reminds us, “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

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When my kids were born some things shifted inside of me. My voice softened, and I began to talk to them in a soothing, softer, quieter, gentler tone. I started to look at the world through their eyes, and a lighter spirit felt right. I didn’t need to go about being loud or harsh, rushed or wild and wacky.

Not only was my voice softer but my touch, too. I began to appreciate the more delicate things in life and to treat people with more tender care. I started to think about how another person might feel in my dealings with them and speak from a new place of compassion and empathy, more slowly and with intention. Desire for mercy and sweetness blossomed in places where it had been empty before

Take diaper changes. I didn’t just plop the baby down, whip off the diaper, and be done with the thing. I’d take my time and do it gently, with care, as I would’ve liked it done for me. Likewise, when in my job as a journalist, I noticed my mannerisms changing. I became more approachable, sweeter, more receptive.

Titus 3:2 tells us “to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.”

8. Joy Especially in the Little Things

I’ve always been a pretty joyful and optimistic person, and it didn’t take a lot to make me happy. But after I became a mom, a new well of joy seemed to materialize. I’d be walking with my son and he’d notice gorgeous orange leaf that had fallen to the ground and marvel at it, and it would spark joy in me, as well. Or my daughter might notice a blue jay, and we watch it, smiling at its beauty. Little things began to affect me more, and I’d start to notice them far more frequently. Psalm 118:24 says, “The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad.”

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And then there’s the most important thing — that tremendous love that seemingly knows no bounds. I know only God can truly love us unconditionally. He loves us so much that He sent His son Jesus, a part of Him, to die for our sins so we could have a path to eternal life. He loves us when we stray and do even the worst things, and all He wants is for us to turn back to Him, to repent and believe and follow Him so we can be a part of His family.

But as a mom, I feel like I understand that on a new level. Even when my kids behaved like monsters, I loved them. Even if they were mean and said things in anger, I loved them. If they disobeyed or colored all over the walls or dropped something I’d spent hours crafting, still I loved them. I imagine they could do anything, and I would still feel the same way.

Having the opportunity to love them so deeply reminds me of how much I am loved by the Lord. He knows me, knows my darkest secrets and the terrors of my heart, the worst sins I’ve ever done, yet He loves me still. That’s powerful.

Psalm 139:13-16 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

That’s true, real, deep love.

As I write this, my oldest child is almost 17 years old. It feels almost surreal to think of who I was before I had children, and I was 30 years old when he was born—I wasn’t a baby, and I’d had plenty of time to mature and grow and evolve as a human in the right path. Yet there is a distinctive dividing line between the person I was before I became a mom and the person I am because I am now a mom.

It is a change that has impacted every relationship in my life, how I view the world, how I behave towards strangers and neighbors, and how I view the love of God.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you! God bless you.

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