Life is filled with choices, from what to eat to what you will wear. From the type of relationships you are in, to the types of relationships you deserve. When you settle on things, it means you have decided to accept something. It means that you typically shy away from change.
When you settle for something, you become comfortable with the circumstances you created for your life. Being settled also means that you have produced a certain level of stability, and who doesn't want a sense of stability? While this is a good thing, it can also harm your growth. It may cause you not to reach your full potential, or you can miss out on an opportunity you've always wanted. Sometimes, it's hard to decipher whether or not you have settled because of past experiences. You know what you don't want to happen again, and you're trying to decide what new thing/person/experience you want to encounter.
When you think about it, settling has its pros and cons. If you have settled on some things in your life and want to know if you've fallen on the pro or con side of things, take a look at the list below.
1. You are internally unfulfilled.
If you feel lost or restless, this may signify that you are unhappy and have settled for something or someone your soul is not at peace with. This can cause you to be critical of others and yourself, and it's difficult to want more for yourself.
2. You make excuses as to why you shouldn't do something.
When you make excuses, you attempt to avoid what's in front of you. If you're attempting to avoid what's in front of you, you're likely afraid of the outcome, you're comfortable with where you are, and you're doubting yourself or lacking motivation. Making excuses not to move forward is one way you know you've settled into the negative side of settling.
3. You are afraid to step out of your comfort zone.
Many people settle into their comfort zone. Why? Because it's comfortable. It's a familiar place that serves as a safety net. Being comfortable can limit you from different experiences and personal growth if you allow it. Your comfort zone makes you afraid to lose what you have because you don't know what you can gain. While being comfortable with where you are in life is not bad, you can't help but wonder if there's more to life outside of settling in your comfort zone.
4. You convince yourself that nothing better is possible.
Sometimes we can psych ourselves out of good opportunities. Convincing ourselves that nothing is ever possible keeps us in a negative mindset, keeps us from growing, and forces us to stay where we are.
5. There is no action behind your thoughts.
You may have thoughts of wanting more, but your actions don't align with them. This could be because you have become comfortable and complacent with where you are in life. Again, there is nothing wrong with this, but if there is a moment or time when you can do more for yourself and those around you, why not take that chance?
6. You feel regret instead of gratefulness.
Feelings of regret occur when you feel as though you've missed something, you could have taken different paths or could have made a better choice. If these feelings are overtaking your thoughts and you lose sight of what you have or regret the things around you, you may be in a difficult space of complacency. Many of these feelings can come about if you have fallen on the negative side of settling. If you are feeling any of these things, take a look at the list below and discover how to avoid falling into the con side of settling.
Ways to Avoid the Negative Side of Settling
1. Be clear about what you have and what you want.
Being clear about what you have means that you understand that you are blessed and that your circumstances could be worse than they are. It also means that you are grateful for what you have. However, this does not mean that you cannot have the desire for more. If you want more out of life, you must be clear on why you have those desires. Once you're clear, begin taking steps toward your goals and be sure they fulfill your heart and soul to their fullest.
2. Avoid settling too quickly.
Sometimes, settling quickly is to get over something or someone as a healing mechanism. This is an unhealthy practice, and you can find yourself in worse circumstances than before. If you are in the process of ending something, no matter what it is, make sure you end it with a clear conscience and make every effort not to jump into something new before you are ready.
3. Stop making excuses.
Typically when we make excuses, we are afraid to try something new or challenge ourselves. Excuses keep us from moving forward and facing something that we're avoiding. We can't settle for excuses if we want to live a life filled with abundance.
4. Recognize your worth.
Knowing, understanding, and recognizing whose you are and who you are will keep you from settling for less than you deserve. It will keep you striving and moving forward, setting and achieving new goals, and building the life God wants you to live.
5. Create a plan that scares you.
Everyone sets goals for themselves. However, many of the goals we set are within our comfort zone. This is fine, but it's also important to create plans that scare and challenge you. They should include things you've always wanted to do, things you're afraid to do, and things you could never imagine yourself doing. As you make those plans, be sure to fulfill each goal. When you're done with those, create new ones. There's an old saying: if it doesn't scare you, then it's not big enough. We serve a big God who wants us to have the best of everything. Plan big, pray about it, and move forward.
6. Expect and want more for yourself.
You should always want more for and from yourself. This is the only life God has given you; He wants you to live in abundance, not in limitations. Each day you are given to love should be filled with great experiences and expectations. You are here for a reason, and it's not to settle for anything you don't deserve.
Life is filled with opportunities, challenges, and choices. It's up to you to decide if you want the most from life. As you continue on this journey, I pray that you have not settled for anything less than what you deserve. I pray that your prayers are filled with requests for guidance and grace to receive all God has for you. I pray that you are always motivated to be settled but strive for more when the desire comes about. Never settle for less than what you deserve. Always know what you want and strive for it.
Author Liz Lampkin is an experienced writer, teacher, and speaker. She is an advocate for singles who encourages them to live their best life God’s way. Follow her on Instagram @Liz_Lampkin.