As a wife, we are doing everything we can to love, honor and cherish our husbands. But sometimes, our husbands don't hear and accept how we show our appreciation. Gary Chapman, who wrote the book The Five Love Languages, tells readers there are five ways to communicate love to your spouse: quality time, acts of service, gentle touch, words of affirmation, and gifts. Being supportive can be an excellent time for you to show your husband you love him. But please be sure your husband is receiving your love in the way you are giving it. Reflect on the ways you see your husband express his love.
Most often, we show love the way we want to receive it. For example, we may leave love notes around the house because we receive love as words of affirmation. But does your husband receive it in the same way? He may receive love when you help him with a project or commit a kind act to him without being asked. Or he may receive love when you talk to him and listen to his deep needs and desires. Being supportive of your husband is a great way to show your love. But in the same way, we need to show support by understanding how he can receive it. Here are five ways to be supportive of your husband:
1. Pray with Him
This is perhaps the easiest (yet most neglected) way to show him your support, but it's a way that is also easily neglected as we get distracted by the day's affairs. As we approach a new year, make 2023 the year you pray together on a regular basis. It is hard to dislike someone you are praying for. Pray for one another, communicating your needs and desires and the deep burdens on your heart. Scripture says to "bear one another's burdens…." To bear one another's burdens creates a great atmosphere of safety and intimacy. Communicate that you are a safe space for your husband to release his cares, communicate his disappointments and share his struggles without being judged or condemned. The best marriages are built upon trust and mutual intimacy.
2. Pray for Him
In addition to praying with him, take the time to show you care by praying for him during your personal quiet time. Ask the Lord to show you any revelations or words of comfort or encouragement He may want to share with him. Communicate with him throughout the day and let him know the Lord is in speaking to you about him. Communicate what he has to say and let him know you are praying for him. Your husband will feel more comforted in knowing that you take his requests seriously and take them before the One who is the only solution to our problems.
3. Help Him
Start off each day by asking him the following question: in what way can I be a blessing to you today? By asking him this question, you are putting his needs first and focusing your time and energy on making his life better. Don't assume you know the answer. Instead, ask him to communicate it to you. It's OK if he doesn't have an answer every day. Pray and ask the Lord to reveal it to you throughout the day. There may not be a specific action you come up with. Just knowing that you care enough to be a blessing to him rather than a hindrance will make your husband feel as though you have his best interests at heart.
Additionally, we can always do more to help them around the house. Even if it is as simple as doing chores you are not responsible for or making him a cup of coffee at night without having to be asked, it will help him feel blessed. Wives spend a lot of time focusing on working to get their needs met. How often can they say the same about tangibly meeting their husbands' needs?
4. Give Him Time with Guy Friends
Many husbands spend the majority of their days working hard. Many days or months passed before they even had a meaningful conversation with an adult. Adults need regular communication with friends of the same sex to share their struggles and trade tips on how to get through each season of life. This will help him feel less alone and give him the encouragement to push through the hard days. Encourage your husband to go out on a play date with his friends. It can be at night when they can do something fun like go to the movies or bowling, or he can have that play date during the day. Sacrifice your Saturday and take the kids out so he can have a day for himself. This will help him recuperate from a long, hard week and allow him to reconnect with his own needs and desires as well.
5. Give Him a Day to Relax
If he needs relaxation, support him by arranging for him to have a special day by himself. Every man can incorporate more rest in his life. Rest is not always just sleeping or taking a vacation. Rest means having spiritual time alone with God, clearing his mind through dwelling on the Word, or releasing physical stress from the body through massage or other therapeutic modalities. If you don't know what your husband would like, ask him. Then take care of all the details, so he doesn't have to.
If allowing him to have a special day provides too much of a financial strain, set up a spa day for him at home. Offer to rub his feet or give him a massage. Set up different rooms throughout the house. For example, designate one room with soft music, dimmed lights, a Bible, and a journal. Allow him to spend as much time as he wants talking to – and listening for—the Lord while you take care of the children (be sure to keep the noise level at a minimum!). Then invite him to another room of the house, such as the bedroom, to give him a massage—light candles around and give him a book to finish reading uninterrupted. End your time by giving him a meal or snack one would receive at a spa. It doesn't have to bust your budget to be effective. Allowing him special time to care for his body and needs without any strings attached will go a long way in your marriage.
Love and support may look different for everyone in a marriage. What might be supportive to you might not be supportive to your husband. In your attempts to be helpful to him, be sure to discover his needs and do what you can to meet them. While relaxing in a bathtub or giving him a night off may not fix every problem, it can be the catalyst to putting the spark back in your marriage or be a first step in increasing the communication and intimacy in your marriage.
Related Articles:
5 Ways to Be a Supportive Husband
3 Things Every Wife Is Called To
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.