I was aimlessly looking for recipes online and got lost in a sea of unrelated articles. One was on the transition to motherhood from the perspective of 27-year-old Ireland Baldwin, who I know little about, except that I recognized the names of her famous parents. But I was struck by her candid remarks about pregnancy that I felt many women could relate to.
"Pregnancy is hard. It takes so much out of you. I wasn't ready for that,"
"I underestimated just how hard pregnancy would be on my mind and my body," she admits. "Being someone who deals with extreme health anxiety on a daily basis, pregnancy turned things into high gear. I've struggled to adapt to these changes."
The article continued, and she "shared her insecurities and fears about what motherhood will mean for her career—a valid concern, given the entertainment industry in general. My career isn't going anywhere."
Ireland's comments reflect the struggle many pregnant women can experience between their cultural expectations of them and the effect of their changing pregnant bodies. Culture claims women should be able to keep up with all the demands of their prepregnant lifestyle, that their career shouldn't suffer, and the beauty standards don't allow for the naturally resulting physical changes. No wonder many women are conflicted about having children.
But the adjustment for women doesn't stop at pregnancy. Having children is also full of unanticipated challenges, feelings, and circumstances.
Celebrity Moms
For fun, I decided to research famous women's comments on motherhood.
In the 25 Famous Women on Becoming New Moms article, Zadie Smith said, "Motherhood for me was at first a kind of displacement. It forced me, at least partially, into a secondary position in my own life. Even the simple biological recognition that my daughter is on the way in and I am unavoidably on the way out."
Blake Lively humorously said, "Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected. You never know when you're gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics."
In the article, 16 Top Mom Blogs That Keep it Real About Motherhood, the podcast duo Catherine Belknap and Natalie Telfer related, "If you are a mom who is three steps behind in everything at the current moment, you are not alone."
And finally, in the article, What Moms Wish They Knew Before Becoming a Mother, a mom said, "One friend lost her job and had the audacity to tell me, 'Since we're both unemployed, we should go on a vacation somewhere.'
Though I enjoyed the comments and thought it was helpful to know others relate to the unexpected emotions and situations of motherhood, as Christians, we need more than knowing people can understand our feelings.
Using Scripture to Embrace our Journey of Motherhood
John 16:21 "When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world."
The Bible honors women and celebrates the female body's amazing ability to grow a new life. It recognizes the sacrifice and pain involved in carrying and delivering a baby and rejoices at the result of another person entering the world. God created women's bodies to have the ability to bear children, and we all depend on that ability for life, and it doesn't stop there. Every person who has added to our lives, be it a friend, a spouse, an associate, or a professional, a woman carried that person in her womb and made their life possible. Pregnancy isn't a burden. It is not a penalty. It is an unparalleled privilege and contribution.
Motherhood Teaches Us about the Father's Love
Psalm 139:17-18 "How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!
How often do you think about your baby? What are your thoughts? Do you delight in the little dimples in your baby's hands? Do you worry if they are getting enough food or sleep? My daughter said after she puts her eight-month-old to bed, she likes to scroll through the pictures of her on her phone. Even after a rough day! How wonderful that God constantly thinks about us, just like we constantly think about our children.
I was surprised at the depth of love I felt for my children. I always loved people, so I expected to love my children. But there was an intensity and vulnerability in the love I felt and still feel for them today. Experiencing those feelings and parenting my children gave me a much deeper understanding and appreciation of God's heart as a father towards me. I understand His tenacity for my safety, my learning, and my growth. I understand how my sinful actions deeply hurt Him. As you love and care for your child, reflect on how much more perfectly God loves and cares for you.
Motherhood Teaches Us to Find Connection in God
Psalms 25:16 "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted."
Being a new mom can feel isolating, especially if you are one of the first in your friendship circle to have a baby. Like the "unemployed" comment above, others may misunderstand and devalue your role. Not having the same freedom or opportunity to be with people to the same extent as you did before can leave you feeling forgotten. Continue to seek out opportunities to be with others as time and energy allow, even if it is just a phone call.
But remember, loneliness and being alone are not necessarily the same. Through this transition, you may learn to be more comfortable being with yourself, you may develop the ability for deeper contemplation, or you may foster new interests you can do alone. This change may allow you to develop a deeper walk with the Lord as you share your heart with him and ask for wisdom. He sees you and wants to fill those lonely places with His love. Give yourself permission to adjust and develop a more profound dependence on God.
Motherhood Teaches Us to Be Content
Galatians 6:4-5 (ERV) "Don't compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of. You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours."
If you are like me, it can be tempting to judge your success against others when discussing your birthing stories, if you fit back into your jeans, or how early your baby crawled.
Or, like Ireland Baldwin shared, you might be tempted to feel like you are missing out on career opportunities. If you are a working mom, your time and energy may be divided. You may struggle with passing on opportunities because of your commitments at home or the other way around. You may be a stay-at-home mom and feel your value is lessened because your work does not bring in a paycheck.
2 Corinthians 10:12 "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise."
Measuring ourselves against others is not wise; instead, we are to have our eyes on God and measure ourselves against His standards. Caring for a child is hard work but extremely valuable and rewarding, even though it may not be publicly acknowledged like other choices. Theodore Roosevelt said it well, "Comparison is the thief of joy." So, choose joy by delighting in and being present in your season of motherhood. This is just one of many seasons in life that requires finding our contentment in God.
Motherhood Teaches Us to Not Fear
Proverbs 31:25 "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come."
Sometimes incorrectly, women can be painted as weak or less-than. But this is not how God sees us. He sees us clothed with strength and dignity.
I Peter 3:7 "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
This verse refers to women as the "weaker vessel" or, better said, the finer China! The Scripture states we are heirs of the kingdom together with our husbands, not below them. God cares so much about our dignity that showing wives the proper honor helps husbands' prayers to be answered.
There can be a vulnerability in being a mother because there are lots of unknowns that can make us fearful for our children's future. It can be as simple as, "Should we only eat only organic food?" Or as complicated as, "How do I protect them from evil?"
I love the image of the woman laughing at her uncertainty. She isn't afraid of her future but chooses to trust God and almost says, "Bring it on"! We can live fearlessly by putting our confidence in the promises that the Holy Spirit will never leave or forsake us and will equip us to handle anything life may bring.
Motherhood Teaches Us to Treasure Moments
Luke 2:19 "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."
Matthew 18:5 "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me."
It is easy to get discouraged by the challenges of the day or the worldly devaluing of motherhood. May God give you the ability to understand the significance in what others might call mundane, from changing diapers to soothing a crying baby, to continuously doing laundry. Like Mary, be present in the moment. See these tasks as a direct service to Christ.
As a new mom, ask the LORD to help you see your mothering from His perspective. How is He molding and growing you through this process? What is His purpose for you in this season?
He has chosen you to raise the children he has blessed your family with. You are the one to nurture their soul. You will help them discover their strengths and gifts. You will train them about life. You will have the privilege of first introducing them to the Lord and praying that they follow Him. As you raise your baby, you are helping shape the future by joining in preparing the next generation.
Ponder these moments and let God encourage you through His Word as you hold your precious encounters with your child in your heart.
Erin A. Barry is an author, speaker, counselor, and educational consultant. With a bachelor’s degree in education and an NCCA master’s of arts in clinical Christian counseling, Erin has an advanced certification in sexual therapy and is working on her doctorate in Christian counseling. She is the author of, Yes, You Can Homeschool! The Terrified Parent’s Companion To Homeschool Success. She and her husband, Brett, are founders of The Home Educated Mind, a Christ-centered community dedicated to providing materials and support for Christian parents.