Frustrated with Prayer . . . and Loving It!
By Rev. Kyle Norman
“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” (Romans 8:26)
Have you ever felt dissatisfied with your prayers? Have you felt that despite your best efforts, you have never plumbed the depths of everything that prayer can offer you? Have you looked longingly to the saints before you, wishing to uncover a fraction of the prayerful intimacy they seemed to enjoy? I know I have.
When I was in seminary, learning how to be a pastor, we were made to attend a service of prayer every morning. Before breakfast, we would all gather in the chapel and go through the liturgy of Morning Prayer. Every day, rain or shine, snow or sun, we would be expected to gather. While I was dutiful in this activity, I struggled with it. Inwardly I felt lost and restless. Although I desired a deeper connection with Christ, my prayer times were filled with questions: Was I praying correctly? Was I praying for the right things? Was I praying long enough?
And then there were the doubts. Why didn’t I hear a response? Why didn’t I receive prophetic messages? Was the Lord even listening to me?
For many years, I condemned myself for these feelings. Although I loved prayer and would speak about my “prayer life,” secretly, I felt I was describing something of which I was only scratching the surface. At times, I’m sad to say this dissatisfaction with prayer drove me away from prayer, even as a pastor. I believed that all the struggles I was having, the ways that my prayers did not seem as robust as they should be, indicated that I was failings in prayer.
But what if this isn’t the case? What if frustration in our prayer life is a sign of our deepening faith, not the absence of it? What if our feelings of inability in prayer indicate the movement of the Spirit deep within?
We can spend an exorbitant amount of time condemning ourselves for our own frustrations and perceived lack. We believe that such things highlight our lack of faith. But deeper prayer always begins with a sense of restlessness, a desire for more. Satisfaction in our prayer life is indicative of a stalled prayer life. The Lord always calls us forward beyond the boundaries of our comforts. This is as true in our prayer life as it is for our call to witness. Thus, frustration in prayer is but Christ’s invitation to journey deeper with him. Prayerful frustration indicates that the Holy Spirit works within us to move us toward deeper prayer experiences.
The saints before us, to whom we often turn, knew this reality well. Their lessons on prayer did not come from a point of mastery but from the heart of desire. They desired more in prayer. It is because they wrestled with things like wandering minds and worldly distractions that they learned the deeper way of Christ.
Intersecting Faith and Life:
Frustration in prayer is not the same as casualness in prayer. Believing that the Spirit groans in the places where our human capacity for prayer falls short does not give us the license to treat prayer superficially. To do so is to drift into a casual prayerlessness, giving a nod to prayer in form and action but not in spirit. Prayer demands a heart of adoration and worship; it demands that we focus on the presence of Christ. True prayer, like true worship, necessitates that we come to Jesus in spirit and truth. In prayer, we place ourselves before the Lord honestly and humbly.
Prayer must move past simply reading words on a page or sitting in silence with our minds floating off in a myriad of directions. Christ calls us to engage in prayer from deep within our hearts. Prayer is not a skill we master. Prayer, for the follower of Jesus, is an internal movement of heart and spirit through which we respond to the Lord’s presence in us and in the world. Prayer is not simply something that we add to our lives, it is the very ground out of which our spiritual life grows. Without prayer, we simply cannot, we do not, live the Christian life.
Where is Christ calling you in prayer? Do you have an internal restlessness, a desire to plumb the depths of your relationship with Jesus in a new way? Would you say that you are frustrated with your prayer life? Countless Christians harbor inward guilt because of this. They look upon their internal feelings of frustration and believe that it equates to failing. Yet prayer is a journey. We need to recapture the radical notion that our frustration in prayer is but an invitation to a deeper way.
So, if you are feeling dissatisfied with your prayer, be comforted. Instead of shunning the activity of prayer, stand in that place of frustration, that place of inward groaning, and allow the Spirit to guide you into a deeper place of intimacy and ministry.
Further Reading:
Photo credit: Unsplash/Naassom Azevedo
The Reverend Dr. Kyle Norman is the Rector of St. Paul’s Cathedral, located in Kamloops BC, Canada. He holds a doctorate in Spiritual formation and is a sought-after writer, speaker, and retreat leader. His writing can be found at Christianity.com, crosswalk.com, ibelieve.com, Renovare Canada, and many others. He also maintains his own blog revkylenorman.ca. He has 20 years of pastoral experience, and his ministry focuses on helping people overcome times of spiritual discouragement.
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