Communicate with people long enough, and two things become apparent: no one changes their mind on a topic after being insulted, and not everyone can be killed with kindness. If you search online, you can find a ton of videos of so-and-so ‘owning’ so-and-so in a debate. Has anyone ever left one of those feeling changed? In our own personal lives, we don’t have to search hard for examples of people striving to be inoffensive in everything they do. Yet, at some point, they cause offense. Both of these approaches are flawed.
If you want evidence, then look around. We all know that something has gone terribly awry in our society. We’ve forgotten how to talk to strangers, how to find depth in our conversations, how to take criticism, and how to agree to disagree. The list goes on and on. We pride ourselves as good communicators without actually understanding what good communication entails. And though we all see the issues present in our culture, we don’t blame ourselves, just the opposition.
We blame other Christians, the non-Christians. The Democrats. The Republicans. Men. Women. Older generations. Younger generations. Could some measure of responsibility rest with all of us?
Are My Words Too Harsh or Too Kind?
In my own life, I’ve experienced first-hand how people refuse to take criticism. One woman told me she was working on not talking so much about herself. Naturally, I called her on it, to her immediate gratitude. Then two weeks later, after consulting numerous other people, she came back saying nothing was wrong with her communication and that I was an ableist.
Likewise, everyone is striving not to offend in any way. One elderly Christian woman told me that she calls people by their preferred pronouns because they feel better. Other Christians I know make jokes that are so tame and innocuous, yet still meet their words with rampant apologies, just in case there’s any offense.
Never in my life have I heard someone consider themselves a bad communicator, not unless they suffered something traumatic like a divorce. In those situations, they are forced to confront reality. For the rest of us, we keep up with the veneer for as long as we can, sometimes forever.
I’ve had to ask myself, am I a Christian whose words are too harsh or too kind? That’s a question every believer should be asking today. Someone has to be the impetus for change. Besides, if we are to model ourselves after Christ, we should do so not just in the way we pray or the way we trust, but in the way we communicate.
6 Ways to Communicate More Like Christ
Here are some ways we can do better to communicate more like Christ.
1. Avoid Being Too Harsh
Saying things just to rile people up is self-defeating. Not only is the recipient’s mind and heart not changed, but you potentially ruin the relationship in the process. Even if you’re not intending to be harsh, be mindful of your words. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and predict how they will respond to what you’re about to say. Sometimes being offensive is necessary, other times, not so much.
2. Avoid Being Too Nice
Saying things just to get people to like you is self-defeating. In fact, people-pleasing is a sin (Galatians 1:10). Rather than actually appreciating you, they appreciate what you offer. The moment the offering stops so does their appreciation. Furthermore, you enable bad behavior when you go along to get along. Complacency results for them and for you.
3. Engage with People
People will remain strangers unless you talk to them. Growing your social circles doesn’t need to be objective, but what about serving others? The more willing we are to engage with people we know and those we don't, the more we can display God’s kingdom here on Earth through our servitude. There’s an obvious difference between a community that communicates in contrast with one that does not.
4. Be Honest
Be honest with other people, and be honest with yourself. If you withhold the truth from people, then you’re being deceitful or, even worse, lying. That’s a sin. And if you aren’t honest with people about their sins, then you are enabling them. Don’t think for a second God will hold you blameless.
Similarly, sometimes people don’t give us the truth because they are afraid of how we will respond. They don’t think we can handle the truth, and if they’re correct, that’s a problem. If we recognize ourselves as sinners in need of a Savior, then we must be flawed. And if flawed, then we can and should be admonished.
5. Stop Talking about Yourself
Too many of our conversations start, end, and endure because of the subject matter - ourselves. How many conversations would we have, and how long would we bother talking if instead of discussing ourselves, we focused on other people and their ideas?
6. Actually Love People
A number of us Christians believe we are loving others, when in fact, we are doing just the opposite. To love someone does not equal being nice to them. To love someone is to do what’s best for them. Sometimes that love manifests as nice words and gestures. Sometimes love manifests as punishment and criticism. In either case, the intended result is the same - to help the other grow.
Conclusion
Once you’ve identified ways in which you can grow, then grow. Once you’ve identified ways you can help others grow, then help them grow. Change won’t happen for them or for us overnight, but by the grace of God, change can happen. And if we can change as individuals, then as a community, change is inevitable.
The signs of a degrading society don't have to be qualities we accept. We have the choice right now to be different, and if different, then better.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Ridofranz
Aaron D'Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes to Salem Web Network’s Crosswalk platform and supports various clients through the freelancing website Upwork. He's an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo.
Get in touch with him at aarondanthony.com and check out his debut short story anthology Honey Dreams on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.