"Thoughts and Prayers Are Useless to Dead Children," the trending billboard screams.
But thoughts and prayers stir the soul, challenge the mind, and equip people’s hearts for change.
Thoughts and prayers birth revival and ground-breaking freedom.
Thoughts and prayers invite a holy, just God onto the scene. So, please, don’t belittle thoughts and prayers by assuming people flippantly throw this phrase around.
My desire to pray and think through what happened doesn’t thwart my hands and voice from action, nor does it negate my mental capacity to understand that dead children will not return to life—on this side of heaven.”
I shared these thoughts on Instagram last week after the famous billboard meme reading “Thoughts and Prayers Are Useless to Dead Children” began trending, hinting at the uselessness of prayers for the victims of school shootings. Christians and non-Christians alike shared this algorithm favorite. After days of refraining from commenting, days I spent quietly stewing and steaming, my convictions spilled onto social media squares and sparked quite a debate in the comment section.
But this article isn’t about me, nor should it be about me. Rather, it should be a space where I take the backseat and become an observer of the human state, deciphering why our heads and hearts can never seem to be on the same page, even if we read the same Bible and profess the same Christ as Lord. It should be a space where I examine myself to discover why I prefer to join in the ruthless cycle and trample others with my words in times of heartache.
Instead of leading a wreckless charge in the name of “I’m right because the Bible always follows what I believe,” I want to take a few moments to reflect on both sides of this heated debate, addressing our humanity, our finite understanding, and God’s unique ability to redeem the chaos we create.
I encourage you to lay your weapons aside, exit out of the comment you’re furiously typing, and take a few moments to practice justice in the same manner as our just God.
Understanding Human Stubbornness
In one of my favorite nostalgic movies, Steel Magnolias, protagonist Shelby Eatenton says, “an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.” In less southern, farm-ish words, if humans walk into any situation or conversation with an ounce of doubt already present, the aftermath is sure to, well, stink.
Humans are incredible doubters, skeptics, and critics. We have mastered the art so well that we subtly employ it, making assumptions without realizing our minds have already decided what they think about someone only five seconds into meeting them or hearing their perspective.
Worse, we rarely renounce our doubt once debunked, even that tiny ounce of skepticism birthed from prejudice. Why? Because the moment we are forced to level the playing field and hear the other side, we are no longer in control. We are no longer “winning.” And if we are all on equal grounding, perhaps both sides need a change of heart.
Change requires laying down our pride, comfort, and all we’ve ever known to become someone we don’t know, someone who lives in a future outside our control, and we’re often far too scared to be so full of God-honoring faith.
Understanding Human Intent
According to my mom, dad, sister, grandmother, husband, church friends, and so on, I have an aggressive personality. I look for opportunities to pounce on opponents and assert triumph, which isn’t the meek and lowly way the Savior called me to live among others… so, my Instagram post that sparked tension is an excellent way for me to practice dying to a competitive, aggressive self. With a fidgeting heart, I'll admit it’s time for a personal change. I'll confess that I must understand the other side’s words and intentions to even the playing field.
People are fantastic at missing context clues and dismissing backstories. People (like me) know how they want to control the conversation, so they look for a few words or phrases here and there to twist and flip as an arsenal to detonate the opponent.
Nonetheless, to an extent, I understand the billboard writer’s train of thought. While God can perform any miracle He pleases, He typically doesn’t bring dead people back to life through our thoughts and prayers. And if I pause long enough to imagine how I would feel as a victim’s family member, someone telling me they’re praying for me might sting; it might leave a twinge of frustration if I prayed daily for God to keep my children safe and this is how my prayers seemed to be answered.
Whether this billboard writer was a believer, a Christian challenging the Body to take physical action, or a skeptic seeking to dismantle religious charity, I don’t know. Only God knows the hearts of man. But with each share, each thumbs-up this billboard meme receives, I am sure many believers agree with the sentiment that words without actions are useless. After all, Scripture is clear that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26).
This is why context is key. We must understand intent before picking sides and suiting up our armor. Our finite understanding of a person’s motivations can motivate us to act unjustly. Just as "the other side" ("not my side") believes thoughts and prayers don’t mean anything to dead children, hurling insults, making assumptions, and waging wars without righteous reason won't bring those lost lives any justice.
That’s quite the gut punch when you think about it.
Understanding Your Convictions
Once you have addressed humanity’s inherent stubbornness (which we are all a part of) and laid down your anger to process the other side's perspective, you can then, through thoughtful, intentional prayer, ask God to open your eyes to the truth.
That’s how convictions should work. Your convictions shouldn’t be cultivated by a parent’s opinion, a pastor’s slogan, or a political party’s agenda. Your convictions should be the aftermath of a humble conversation with a holy God, where He has the final say. Then, and only then, are your convictions presentable to others in a way that is not only respectful but revolutionary.
Was I a combination of angry and heartbroken when I made my Instagram post? Yes, of course. Can I look back and see where I was in the right and wrong? You better believe it. I acted with not-so-holy emotions, but on the flip side, I had refrained for days, choosing to speak only when I felt that I was standing up for something—Someone—more important than myself.
We, humans, are all complex, finicky, gray-area creatures, aren't we?
But I believe the severity of innocent lives lost, so young and pure, stirs a stillness that doesn’t tread lightly, thinks before speaking, and has too many questions to pretend to know the answers. And if you have felt the same way over the past week, I invite you to reflect on human stubbornness, human intentions, and your convictions and who they were orchestrated by.
In my few days of reflection, I still believe that while my thoughts and prayers aren’t known for bringing dead children back to life, thoughts and prayers are powerful and foundational, and when God’s direction cultivates them, they are eternal, a physical footprint of heaven’s lasting healing touching our groaning earth.
May we seek and cultivate God's peace on earth as it is in heaven.
Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Dương Nhân
Peyton Garland is an author and Tennessee farm mama sharing her heart on OCD, church trauma, and failed mom moments. Follow her on Instagram @peytonmgarland and check out her latest book, Tired, Hungry, & Kinda Faithful, to discover Jesus' hope in life's simplest moments.