A Prayer for Mothering Grieving and Traumatized Children
By Heidi Vegh
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us with our weaknesses. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." - Romans 8:26
When we hold that brand new baby in our arms for the first time, our hearts ache as we desperately want to protect them from the world's darkness. We want to shield their precious eyes, ears, and bodies from anything that could harm them. We pray fervently for God's hand of protection to follow them throughout their lives. We pray for them as they lay down and watch them grow. We teach them about Jesus and His care for us. We want them to truly understand the peace that can come when life gets hard. And then tragedy strikes. Sickness, death, divorce, and traumatic events strive to claim their lives and their peace. Darkness throws into the fire with our babies as we navigate dire circumstances for us and our children. But Jesus is still with us in this.
My husband passed away from cancer when my precious boys were five and seven years old. It was shocking, traumatizing, and life-altering. I had to not only navigate my grief but try and love my boys through a life that no longer included their daddy. I had to nurture their confused and breaking hearts, often setting aside my struggles to make sure they knew they were loved and cared for as their hearts were breaking in a way they didn't understand.
Death is permanent and difficult for anyone, especially small children, to wrap their heads around. I relied on the strength of the Lord to help me walk through all the tear-filled and snuggled-up talks. I asked Jesus to be with me as I tried to explain the reality and finality of death gently. I took them to therapy, where they could learn to express their anger and sadness in healthy ways—all the while trying to pursue a new life as an only parent, trying to keep my head above water.
I needed Jesus more than ever in those hard weeks, months, years, and even today, and He was there, just like He promised. I can see how God's hand played a part in all the connections with others, healing moments, and eventual acceptance of our new way of life. It has been almost a decade since those dark days, but I still need the help of Jesus as I now have to navigate parenting teenage boys who lost their daddy. One of which has but only a few small memories.
I often wonder if certain behaviors are normal for teenage boys or if they act in particular ways because of grief and trauma. I need the Holy Spirit to help me discern their hearts and what I can do as their mama to help them walk this hard road. A friend once told me the Holy Spirit is our best resource as parents. God promises He is here to help us in our times of need.
"But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." - John 14:26
When we struggle to help our kids, we can ask the Holy Spirit to give us strength and understanding for anything they are going through.
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us with our weaknesses. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." - Romans 8:26
Let's Pray:
Holy Lord,
I come to you with a breaking heart today. I understand the children you have placed in my care are precious gifts from you. I know and believe you love them even more than I ever could. You only want good things for them; however, I understand we live in a fallen world full of heartache and pain. You did not promise a trouble-free life, but you did promise that you have overcome the world and are with us. (John 16:33)
I surrender my children to you today. I ask that you take them, nurture them, and protect their hearts. As they are hurting and traumatized by life events, I ask that you hold them in your arms and give them peace. I ask that you give them peace that surpasses all understanding. (Philippians 4:6) I know and believe you have the power to overcome the darkness and pull them from the pit of despair. (Psalm 40:2) Give me the courage, understanding, discernment, and knowledge. I know and believe you are in all things and know all things. You know the ins and outs of their suffering and what they need to overcome. Please equip me to mother these children in your will, timing, and strength. Thank you for the precious gift of my children. In your precious name, I pray, Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/AlexanderFord
Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Western Washington. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at www.mrsheidivegh.com , sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at her local church and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing, she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.
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