Our grandkids are, in many ways, the best part of our lives. We are blessed with seven of them – ages 15 to 4 months old. We are blessed to have them here in Kansas City with us. But even during the years when they were 1000 miles away, they have been a huge part of our lives.
Dan and I always tell people that "grandkids are the best part of life." We say it because we believe it! Scripture echoes this same sentiment. Proverbs 17:6 tells us, "Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged." True that!
But how do we impact our grandkids? How do we make sure to have a Godly influence in their lives? How do we leave a legacy for our grandkids?
Many grandparents consider leaving a legacy as an inheritance for their grandkids. Of course, that is a great idea – and if you can pull it off – go for it. But I am pretty sure that the agrarian, mostly poor society of the Hebrews was not about leaving a financial inheritance for the grandkids. In Hebrew culture, whatever inheritance there was always went to the children – not the grandkids.
Legacy here means so much more than money. I am thinking of impact and influence. How can we make sure we have an impact and an effect on the lives of our grandkids? Here are three keys to leaving a legacy for your grandkids.
1. Invest time in your grandkids.
The opportunity to have an impact on your grandkids is enormous. Studies show that grandparents who spend significant time with their grandkids are second only to the parents in being the most powerful influence in their grandkids' lives. That is a huge opportunity. But it demands that we spend time with our grandkids.
Ephesians 5:16 tells us to "redeem the time." It is an interesting phrase. "Redeem" is an accounting term. It tells us to see our time as something to be invested in rather than spent. What more significant investment can there be for a grandparent than their grandchildren?
I grew up with my grandmother living in our home for several years. She had a significant impact on my life! My husband Dan had six grandparents in his life on a regular basis. He has often said that he had eight parents – two birth parents and six grandparents.
On the other hand, our kids grew up without a grandparent's presence in their lives. My parents were both deceased long before we had kids. And Dan's parents lived 1300 miles away and, quite honestly, did not prioritize time with our kids. Instead, traveling and enjoying their retirement was a bigger priority than spending time with their grandkids.
So we have gone overboard to spend time with our grandkids. When we lived 1000 miles from them, we still saw them 4-5 times a year for extended periods. We face time with them. We talked with them on the phone. We were present in their lives. We wanted them to know that they mattered to God – and mattered to us – big time.
Now that we have all seven grandkids here in Kansas City, we spend time with the grandkids every week. Our son's kids spent the day with us this past Saturday. And then turned around and came over again on Sunday. Why? The excuse they gave was, "We have to finish our card game from yesterday." The reality is they wanted to come over again! They enjoy being at our house. They enjoy being with us. We are fun!
This premise leads to the second idea I want to share.
2. Have fun with your grandkids.
Psalm 126:2 tells us, "Let your mouths be filled with laughter, and our tongues with songs of joy."
It is so important to have fun with your grandkids! They need to laugh. You need to laugh. Grandparenting is about laughter and joy.
Dan's best friend Troy became a grandparent five years ago. He has created a motto that we have adopted with our grandkids as well. "Papa can, and Papa will." It also works as "Mimi can and Mimi will." Substitute in whatever name your grandkids call you.
I can have fun with my grandkids. And I will have fun with my grandkids.
We have an air hockey table in our basement. Four people can play. One of my favorite things to do with my kids is play air hockey. It is fast. It is loud. There is a ton of laughter. And I can beat them all!
Our entire basement is laid out for the grandkids. It has a bedroom and closet on one end with two sets of bunk beds for them to stay the night and keep some clothes at our house. The unfinished part of the basement is full of toys and games. We have spent many hours of fun and laughter in that basement. It shouts to the grandkids, "Papa and Mimi love us and want to have fun with us."
Boring time with your grandkids does not make them want to come back and be with you again. Do what they love. Play the games they want to play. Do whatever makes them laugh.
After we got married and had our kids, we would spend holidays with Dan's grandparents. I know for many people, that sounds like a real drag. But Dan's grandparents were fun! There were all-night cards and domino games. The kitchen was full all the time with people who were snacking, deserting, and hanging out. It was loud, and it was raucous, and it was fun! And the grandparents were the reason.
Invest time in your grandkids. Have fun with your grandkids.
3. Have meaningful conversations with your grandkids.
I am amazed at what my grandkids will talk with me about. They share their fears, worries, joys, struggles, and secrets with me. They consider Mimi a safe person and place to share whatever is on their minds and hearts.
That is such a gift from God – and I definitely give Him credit for it. But I also work at it. One way I work at it is by being a good listener. I grew up with a grandmother who had much to say and did little listening. Her motto was "Grandchildren are to be seen and not heard." This mindset did not encourage me to talk with my grandmother!
I have chosen the path of listening. James 1:19 tells us, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." It seems that when God gave us one mouth and two ears, there was a hint there. So listen twice as much as you speak, especially to your grandkids.
Children often speak in slight hints of what they are feeling. They say things like, "I was sad today," "I am glad this week is over," or "Mom was upset with me yesterday." Those are all statements that indicate they want to talk. If our answer as grandparents is "I am sorry about that," then we have cut off the conversation. But if we say, "Tell me more about that," or "Why were you said" or "Why was Mom upset with you," then we invite them to open up. Kids know who listens to them and who does not listen. Be a grandparent who listens, and your grandkids will open up.
Final thought. The longest-lasting legacy you and I will leave is our grandkids is the gift of us. They will remember who we were long after we departed from their lives. If that is a good memory, our legacy can last and produce fruit for their entire lives.
What legacy are you currently leaving for your grandkids?
Mary Southerland is also the Co-founder of Girlfriends in God, a conference and devotion ministry for women. Mary’s books include, Hope in the Midst of Depression, Sandpaper People, Escaping the Stress Trap, Experiencing God’s Power in Your Ministry, 10-Day Trust Adventure, You Make Me So Angry, How to Study the Bible, Fit for Life, Joy for the Journey, and Life Is So Daily. Mary relishes her ministry as a wife, a mother to their two children, Jered and Danna, and Mimi to her six grandchildren – Jaydan, Lelia, Justus, Hudson, Mo, and Nori.