Marriage is an awesome thing. Two people are joining their hearts and their lives together in holy matrimony. When people get married, they are to become "one." What does this mean? What does it mean to be "one" in marriage?
Being "one" in marriage means that a couple has a deep level of intimacy (emotionally, mentally, and physically) with each other and God.
What does the Bible say about becoming "one" in marriage?
"At last!" the man exclaimed. "This one is from my bone, and flesh of my flesh! She will be called 'woman' because she was taken from 'man.' This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (Genesis 2:23-24, NLT)
"Since they are no longer two but one, let no man split apart what God has joined together." (Mark 8-9, NLT)
Here are six of being "one" in marriage:
1. Paying Attention to Our Spouse
We all live baffling, busy lives with opposite schedules, priorities, and a million things that need to get done in a day. It is easy to lose track of the connection with our spouse during chaos. Instead, we should combat this by spending a certain amount of one-on-one time with our spouse each day.
For example, most nights, my husband doesn't get home until after eight o'clock. Each night when he gets home, I get his dinner around while he changes his clothes to get ready to decompress and wind down. Then we spend fifteen minutes to a half hour talking about how our day went. After that, he usually watches television for a while, and not long after, I go to bed.
"Wherever your treasure is, therefore your heart will be." (Matthew 6:21, NLT)
2. We Don't Always Have to Be Right
Problems are going to come up, and hard times will come. There will be fights and arguments. When this happens, we must relinquish our right to be right. It is more important to pause, listen, and try to understand where our spouse is coming from and vice versa. Honestly, when we are in a "one-centered" marriage, no one is right or wrong because we are working together in a united front.
"Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other." (Romans 12:10, NLT)
3. Let Go of the Past
No matter how long you've been married, there will always be past hurts, instances, and things your spouse has done. Some of these things may be little and others may be huge. It is easy to bring these things up in the heat of an argument or disagreement. In doing this, we are only keeping ourselves rooted in the past; therefore, it is hard to move toward the future. We must learn to forgive our partners when the wrong is done and let it go.
"But forget all that. It is nothing compared to what I'm going to do." (Isaiah 43:18, NLT)
4. Take Care of Yourself
Part of being "one" in marriage also includes taking care of yourself. When you have a career and kids and responsibilities, it's easy to lose touch with whom you are in day-to-day life. The same goes for your spouse. We live at the speed of light, and it's so easy to lose track of ourselves.
Therefore, both spouses need to have interests outside of the marriage. So take that cooking class, browse a bookstore for hours, or go to dinner with your girlfriends. Your spouse can go on a hike, play a sport, or go to dinner with the guys. Taking some time apart and connecting with what makes each of you "you" will help foster confidence and self-awareness that you can bring to your marriage to help make it even stronger. However, there needs to be balance so it doesn't detract from your marriage.
"So whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31, NLT)
5. Work on Setting Goals Together
This is another important aspect of being "one" in marriage. It's important for each person in the marriage to have their own goals, but it is also vital for couples to set goals together. In doing this, there is a feeling of intimacy and "being on the same page." Not only is it great to set goals together, but it is also essential to map out the plan to achieve that goal together.
For example, before we adopted our cat Cupcake, we set a goal to have x amount of money in an account set up for her needs. We decided on an amount and then broke it down to see how much we would need to save a month to reach our goal. We also added a deadline to that.
In addition, we bought insurance for her and another pet-related plan that would help us financially in an emergency. Our mutual goal was to set up multiple layers of financial security in case of a health emergency. Our last two cats had chronic kidney failure and diabetes, so we know how stressful finances can be when our babies are sick. We wanted to do all we could to eliminate financial stress in an emergency this time around. We also agreed that all of this would set this up before we adopted her. It took some time, but we reached all our goals and brought her home this past January.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11, NLT)
6. Spending Time with God
Remembering that marriage is a three-way street between you, your spouse, and God is important. Both spouses must take time to spend with God in study and prayer. You should also spend time together with God to both pray about the struggles at hand and to give him praise for all he has done for you. He chose both of you to come together to become "one"; therefore, he wants to be involved and be the "glue" that holds you together in all circumstances.
"Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously and he will give you everything you need." (Matthew 6:33, NLT)
The most important thing to remember about being "one" in a marriage is that you are working as a team. There is no one versus the other; there is no competition. You are a united front. It is important to keep each other's well-being in mind, talk over the big things, smile at the small things, and have fun together. God brought you both together, after all. Remember your commitment to each other and God, which makes for "one" amazing journey.