Etiquette. The customary code of conduct where individuals display polite behavior in a particular setting. In a nutshell, it's the way people treat each other. In the world of worldly dating, there are rules, clear and unsung, that people follow for several reasons. Primarily to filter through people they're dating to see if they are compatible with each other to move forward with. In the world of Christian dating, there are rules that are often left unsaid because many Christians may believe that dating isn't biblical. However, there is always a list of guidelines people should follow when interacting with each other, especially people of God. If you're an unmarried Christian and want to ensure your dating life is filled with integrity, look at the list below to see how your dating etiquette compares to it.
1. Always communicate effectively and respectfully.
Communication is multifaceted, especially with the new ways technology allows us to communicate. It's also one of the most important tools used in any relationship. If you're actively dating, how you communicate with someone will let them know a lot about who you are. Your tone of voice, listening skills, response time, and body language all say a great deal about you and your level of interest. No matter where you are on your journey with dating, always be sure to communicate respectfully and effectively with someone.
2. Be clear and honest about your intentions.
This can't be said enough. Everyone is on a different journey regarding their dating lives, and that's okay. In order to get the most from dating and avoid unnecessary disappointments, it's best to know what you want from someone and make it known right from the start. Not only this, but it's best to know what you're willing to give and how far you're willing to go. You can go about this by having respectful conversations in the early stages of dating.
3. Avoid talking about past relationships unless the subject comes up naturally.
Nothing is worse than someone who constantly brings up their past relationships while they are out on a current date. While the subject/person will come up at some point, it's best not to discuss them too much. It may make your current date feel as though you have not healed from their relationship with them. If the subject comes up as a conversation topic, then it's best to discuss your past relationship at a minimum. There's no need to give too much information too soon.
4. Pray for guidance before any interaction.
Attraction is the action or evoking interest in someone or something. It's a sense of closeness or the desire to become closer to someone for many reasons. There are different ways someone can be attracted to someone else, which is a good thing. However, certain means of attraction can lead to rushed and ungodly interactions if we aren't careful. So before you embark upon any date with someone new or familiar, pray and ask God for guidance on how to interact with them. You should also pray for guidance on how to respond to advances that may take you out of your Christian comfort zone. And while you can't control what someone else does, you can certainly control what you do.
5. Always practice honesty.
If a first date did not go as anticipated, be honest with yourself and your date. The whole point of dating is to discover your love languages as a single individual before you enter a committed relationship and to see who suits your lifestyle the best. If you feel something was off or you didn't mesh well with someone on a date, it's okay to respectfully let them know and move forward with your life.
6. Guard your heart and control your emotions.
Many times during the beginning stages of dating or getting to know someone, people tend to fall for the potential of what things could be. This happens more often than not because people share things they've done in the past for others they were in relationships with, and they are appealing. However, everyone will have a different experience with people they meet, and it's best to listen carefully to their words while watching their actions with you while keeping your emotions at bay. You don't want to fall fast and hard for words that disappear in thin air.
7. Offer to Go Dutch for the first date.
If you are going to dinner for a first date, offer to pay your own way. Going Dutch eliminates the guessing game about someone else's budget, and it eliminates the pressure of feeling as though you "owe" someone something when the date is over.
8. Be open to discussions about more than your faith.
Many believers feel the need to overly share their faith with someone to ensure they are fully aware of it. While this is okay, you don't want to overload them with your beliefs and principles. You certainly want to make sure they are aware of your beliefs but don't want to be dogmatic with your actions.
9. Establish clear boundaries.
This is an essential step in any relationship. Establishing boundaries in any relationship from the start is a healthy practice because it creates guidelines on how you expect to be treated. It's unfair and honestly unrealistic for people to assume that others will know how you expect to be regarded, especially in the stages of a dating relationship. That's why setting clear boundaries is so crucial for everyone involved.
10. Understand and become comfortable with intimacy.
When people hear the word intimacy, their mind instantly thinks of sex. However, many fail to realize that intimacy is more than about physical gratification. True intimacy doesn't begin with physical contact. It's a multidimensional concept that people often misuse and overlook. Many times, believers don't have an accurate understanding of what it means to be intimate with someone without associating it with sexual intercourse. This makes them uncomfortable with the thought of it, and they often shy away from it. However, spiritual and emotional intimacy should be learned and embraced when the time is right during dating when the time is right for it.
11. Dress according to your character.
Whether we want to believe it or not, our appearance says a lot about who we are. As Christians, we are set apart from the world, and we are called to behave accordingly. When selecting your attire for a date, be intentional about what you wear because it will display who you are and who you represent.
12. Honor your person of interest time.
Always arrive at a designated destination promptly for a date. If you believe you will run slightly late, reach out to your date and let them know your estimated arrival time. This shows them that you will respect and honor their time, and hopefully, the respect will be reciprocated if necessary.
13. Always assume the best intentions.
In the game of dating, people have different intentions. Yes, even believers have different intentions or may not be clear on what they want. In any case, it's best for you to assume that someone you're involved with has good intentions. As you move forward with them, their true intentions will be revealed, and it's up to you to decide if you want to continue seeing them. Always see the best in a person no matter what the outcome of your intentions with them may be.
14. End any date with a friendly exchange.
A handshake, a friendly hug, or an innocent peck on the cheek is always an appropriate way to end a date. These actions are innocent, and they aren't misleading. If you're comfortable with giving or receiving any of these gestures, it's okay to do so as long as they are within your boundaries.
While the dating etiquette list for Christians and non-Christians can go on forever, it's important to know where to start. As your journey continues, I pray that you have fun and learn from every experience you encounter.
Author Liz Lampkin is an experienced writer, teacher, and speaker. She is an advocate for singles who encourages them to live their best life God’s way. Follow her on Instagram @Liz_Lampkin.