22 Bible Verses for a Struggling Marriage

God wants us to choose to love each other, even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. There are numerous hardships in daily life that can cause problems in marriage like finances, infertility, addictions, jobs or loss of work, illness, problems with children, relatives, personality/temperament differences, and spiritual issues, just to name a few. You may have more to add.

A wise man in the Bible named Solomon said there’s nothing new under the sun. Since the first couple, Adam and Eve’s spiritual fall, marriages have hit hard times. But the Bible never tells us to give up on each other. Even Adam and Eve lost their dream home in the garden, so Adam had to work the soil while Eve painfully bore children and one of their sons kills his brother, the couple still found a way to stay together and carry out God’s purpose for them to reproduce and multiply.

As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.” Gen. 9:7

How was that possible with all their struggles? They listened to God and followed his plan for marriage that the two would become one.

The man [Adam] said,

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Gen. 2:23-24

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Gen. 2:18

Sometimes we forget that the wife is to be a helpmate to her husband who God designed to be the spiritual leader of the home. We know anatomically that a body can only have one head, and that applies to marriage too.

Since God is the Creator of humanity, he has much to say about how to avoid trouble in relationships, and those same verses remind us how to work through trouble in our marriages. Struggles often arise because we want what we consider is the only right way. The Bible actually says to think of others, including our spouse, more highly than ourselves and respect each other. 

Even when we’re angry or upset, we need to take a minute to consider our motives. Do we just want to be right? Or do we want to save our marriage and keep our covenant to each other and to God? The Bible tells us that being prideful and demanding our own way will always destroy a relationship.

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Prov. 16:18

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Phil. 2:3-4

This means we need to set aside our pride and own desires and consider our spouse’s point of view. Even when we don’t agree, we listen to their perspective. Then we can offer ours.

To answer before listening— that is folly and shame. Prov. 18:13

1 Corinthians 13 is the love chapter. God reminds us that even in the heat of a disagreement, these are the qualities and ways God designed for us to communicate and express love in our marriages.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (Vs 4-6)

The reward: Love never fails. (Vs 8)

The way we achieve this kind of unfailing love in our marriage is by following God’s instructions to husbands and wives.

1 Peter 3:7 instructs husbands to treat their wives with respect and honor. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 

Ephesians 5:24 equates wives submitting to their husband the way Christians submit to Christ. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

The above verse is often misunderstood and needs clarification. Before my daughter became a Christian, she thought it meant wives must be a doormat to their husbands. After she and her fiancé surrendered their life to Christ in a biblical premarital course we gave them, she shares her new biblical perspective in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter. “Pastor Pete’s words during the classes spoke to us. I finally understood what it meant to submit and trust in my husband as the spiritual leader in our home. I was beginning to understand more where you were coming from Mom. . . I finally saw how a dominant wife could beat down her husband rather than lift him up. The husband was to become the spiritual head of the house, not an abusive slave driver. We were to submit mutually to Christ, who would love us as His bride.”

Ephesians 5:25 commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Ephesians 5:33 summarizes the duties of both husbands and wives to love and respect each other.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Pastor Pete, who my daughter referred to, always started each class drawing a triangle with God at the pinnacle and a stick-figure woman in one lower corner and a stick-figure man in the opposite corner. The purpose of the “Marriage Triangle” was to depict that the closer each spouse moves up their side of the triangle, the closer they move towards God and each other. While in their opposing corners, they’re each far from each other and far from God.

My daughter wrote about the triangle: “Also, Pastor Pete told us that if we put all of our faith in our spouse, he or she would let us down, because each of us is only human. Learning about the marriage triangle helped us visualize that if we put Christ at the center of our marriage, it would bring us closer together. I had never really considered how to have a successful marriage. I guess I just thought we’d wing it and our love for each other would get us through the tough times. Winging it could’ve been detrimental.”

Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Alejandro Avila 

The following verses can help couples struggling in their marriage and remind them of God’s love and plan for their marriage. Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath, calm your heart, and talk with God.

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:4-6

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. Do not scoff at prophecies,  but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. Stay away from every kind of evil. 1 Thess. 5:15-22 NLT

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Pet. 5:7

Things don’t always work out immediately in life. 

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Ps. 27:14 NLT

We do our part to be peaceful and avoid conflict, but we cannot control the actions of others. Strive to be kind, respectful, and understanding towards others, even if we disagree and even if we’re the only one exhibiting peace. Maybe we can be the one to de-escalate the tension.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Rom. 12:18

When you’re weary and tired, Christ helps you do the impossible. He will guide. He hears your cries for help.

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Phil. 4:13 NLT

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Prov. 3:5-6

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 1 John 5:14

1. Pray together. Hold hands as you pray and lift your concerns to the Lord, but be cautious of not using prayer to point out your spouse’s faults or unleash your anger. Instead, seek God’s will for peace and understanding in your relationship.

2. Keep Jesus at the center of your marriage. A good way to remember this is to pray first before discussions or stop in the midst of a heated encounter and pray.

3. Grant grace and forgiveness regularly. Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends [and marriages]. Prov. 17:9

4. Seek mentoring from a Christian couple you admire and both can relate with. Meet together as couples and individually, husbands with husbands, wives with wives.

5. Professional counseling is helpful. Be sure the counselor is not only a Christian but also a biblical counselor who will give you guidance from God’s Word.

6. Find ways to serve together. Helping others in need can take the focus off our own struggles and challenges.

7. Do something fun together you both enjoy! He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Job 8:21

Marriage Is Hard Work but So Worth It!

Our marriage of over 30 years has experienced many challenges and troubling times, especially blending a family. We had both been married before and vowed to God and each other that divorce would never be an option again. We would always put Jesus at the center of our marriage and work through our problems together. Marriage is a continually changing process that requires adapting to new seasons and situations.  

My husband, Dave, wrote wise words in the Epilogue to Dear God, He’s Home! A Woman’s Guide to Her Stay-at-Home Man. I hope they’ll encourage you to stay the course in your marriage.

“You just have to constantly die to self as God teaches us, consider your spouse more important than yourself, and work as a team. I like the wise council I gleaned from Promise Keepers years ago and ultimately conveyed to my son, sons-in-law, and men’s small groups—marriage isn’t a 50/50 proposition as proposed by some, but 100/0. If you give 100 percent and expect zero in return, you’ll grow to love your spouse as Christ loved the church, and your marriage will thrive. I’m still learning this principle and have to die to myself many times daily.

Enjoy and learn from temporary challenging life seasons that prepare you for . . . the final reward for every believer in Jesus Christ—eternity with our Lord. Rest assured that as the Bible promises, God knows all and has a good and perfect plan for your life.”

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jer. 29:11 NLT

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards