I remember when both of my children were born. Being in the delivery room, I had the distinct pleasure of seeing them before anyone else, even their mother. I greeted them when they came into this world, creating a love relationship that will exist for as long as I live. Today I want to talk to parents so that I will put on my family counselor hat, well maybe not. I want to talk to you as one parent to another.
While we celebrate the birth of our children with much fanfare, honestly, that is just the beginning of the work. They don't come out of the womb with poopy diapers. Their first poop doesn't even smell bad. However, as you raise your children, you will go through a full range of emotions over time. The joy of birth can easily become exhaustion because your child won't sleep through the night. My son is 19 and still doesn't sleep through the night.
The excitement over giving birth can turn into worry over the responsibility of raising a child. If we get too bogged down in these things, we can miss the joy of parenthood. For this reason, I want to share with you five ways to enjoy parenthood vs. surviving it.
Here are 5 ways to enjoy parenthood:
1. Recognize children are a gift from God.
“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3 NLT
If you are going to enjoy parenthood vs. survive it, you must first have the right perspective of your children. They are a gift from God. This past Mother's Day, we bought my wife a bracelet. The bracelet was a rope bracelet that had three different colored ropes braided together. When we gave it to her, we told her each rope represented one of us. One for our son, one for our daughter, and one for me. She treasured that gift from the moment she saw it and the significance we attached to it.
This is the way you must view your children because they are a gift. Granted, sometimes they are mouthy gifts, but they are a gift, nonetheless. Treasure them for what they are, and it will shift your perspective and help you enjoy parenthood vs just surviving it.
2. Recognize you only have them for a short time.
As a family, we love going to amusement parks, even when they are crowded. Last summer, we went to Disney, and the ride we wanted to get on had a one-hour wait time. Since we really wanted to get on this ride, we waited. The excitement built as we waited, and then it was finally our turn. Here is the kicker. It was over in three minutes after waiting 60 minutes to get on the ride. It was fun while we were on it, but it was also over so fast. Raising your children is the same way. The years will go by before you know it, and the one whose diapers you are changing today will be off to college tomorrow. When you recognize this reality, you realize the moments are precious, and you need to treasure them because they will be over quicker than you want them to be. So, to all parents, enjoy the ride. It will be over before you know it.
3. Find activities you can enjoy together.
One of the best ways to enjoy parenthood vs. surviving it is to find things you can all do together. They can be fun things or really silly things. They can even be traditions you create just for your family. In our house, Friday night is pizza night. Our daughter, who is a picky eater, recently discovered the joy of eating pizza. Now we have declared every Friday in our house is pizza Friday. We can't miss it because she reminds us. Even if we travel, she is looking for pizza if it's a Friday. My son loves it too because if we let him, he would eat the whole pie himself. No sharing for him. These types of family activities create memories that will last a lifetime. Looking back over the years, one of the great joys of parenthood won't be the toys you bought your kids but the memories you shared together. It is creating those memories that make being a parent enjoyable.
4. Don't sweat the small stuff.
As a parent, you soon realize your child has a lot to learn. They are going to make many mistakes along the way. Your job as a parent is to figure out how to respond. I used to have a boss who always seemed to be perpetually angry. Regardless of the situation, he would fly off the handle. I had another boss who was the exact opposite. He was always in control of his emotions and rarely showed when he was upset. One day something happened, and the boss, who was always in control of his emotions, got upset and showed it. Guess which one of these bosses' reactions had a greater impact? The second one. You cannot treat every mistake your child makes like it is a capital offense because, honestly, it's not. When you do this, your child will begin to recognize this, and you will no longer be able to reach them. Are you wondering why your yelling is not working? Maybe it's because they have seen that drama played out before. You don't have to react to everything, and you definitely don't have to overreact. Rather than chew your kid out over every mistake, why not help them learn from them? This will make their experience better and yours too.
5. You don't have to have all the answers.
If there is one thing that will free you and allow you to enjoy parenthood vs. surviving it, then it is this one. You don't have to have all the answers. Your job as a parent is not to have all the answers. Your job as a parent is to teach your children how to discover the answers. This is a far more freeing and rewarding exercise.
Most importantly, it takes the pressure off you. It's okay to say I don't know, I'm not sure, or even this one, I was wrong. We put too much pressure on ourselves because we are trying to be the perfect parent. Good luck with that one because I can tell you it doesn't work. As a parent, one of the best gifts you can give your child is not being perfect; it is being present. It is your presence in the life of your children that they will remember and treasure. This goes back to those moments I mentioned earlier. I have discovered that my children want to be with me more than anything else. They are not looking for a perfect father; they want a present one.
I hope you have found some value in this article. From one parent to another, make sure you are praying your way through the journey. It will not be easy, and you will have your share of challenges along the way. But in Christ, you will find all the grace you need to enjoy parenthood, not just survive it. Thankfully, his grace will never run out. So, if you need more, ask. Remember, we have a heavenly Father who wants you to be the best parent you can be and enjoy the journey along the way.
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Thiago Cerqueira
Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club. He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose which will help you understand how God leads you into his will. His most recent book is The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. Clarence is also committed to helping 10,000 people learn how to study the Bible and has just released his first Bible study course called Bible Study Basics. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com.