You’ve had all the excitement of a wedding, honeymoon, and being newlyweds. Now you and your spouse are discussing starting a family. What an exciting time! But are you ready? How do you know?
What considerations should you be discussing when starting a family? What does the Bible say, and how should our faith play a role in this decision?
Prayer and Reading the Bible
When deciding to start a family, you can never go wrong with prayer and reading the Bible. If you start a precedent of praying for decisions, big and small, your marriage will form a solid foundation as life takes you on a roller-coaster of unknown obstacles and hurdles. Build your house on the rock, not sand. (Matthew 7:24-27)
Let’s look at some people and marriages in the Bible who relied on prayer.
In 1 Samuel 1-2, Hannah desperately wanted a child with her husband Elkanah; she went to the Lord deeply distressed and prayed and wept. She asked the Lord to remember her and give her a son. Then she promised to give that child over to the Lord. Hannah’s prayers were answered, and she praised the Lord in 1 Samuel 2 with a beautiful prayer.
Abraham pleaded to God for a child in Genesis 15. God comforted him, saying, “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.” (Genesis 15:1)
God tells him, “Look up at the sky and count the stars- if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” (Genesis 15:5-6)
Daniel’s prayer in Daniel 2:20 shows us how we can praise God, give thanks, and ask for wisdom. There are so many examples of prayer in the Bible I don’t have time to share them all. Building healthy prayer habits when making life choices will serve your family well.
Be Fruitful and Multiply
What does the Bible say about starting a family?
“God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:27-28)
After God created Adam and Eve, He blessed them. What He had created was good. His next direction was for them to be fruitful and multiply.
Psalm 127:3-5 states, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like the arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”
Children are a blessing; how wonderful are the homes filled with them. This message is slightly different from the world’s, which is about fulfilling your personal dreams. Society makes you believe that children are a hindrance to achieving your destiny. This couldn’t be more wrong. Children are your legacy. As Christians, our job is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. We are to raise up Christian children who fear and love the Lord.
Will you have to make sacrifices when starting a family? Absolutely! Are children expensive? Unquestionably!
Should you wait until you are ready? Unfortunately, you are never going to be “ready.” Those sleepless nights are not something people covet. There is no proper training for the unexpected challenges you will face in parenthood. However, ask any parent if it’s worth it.
There will never be quite enough money saved when starting a family. If you make a practical list of pros and cons, you will prolong this decision until it’s too late. Which leads me to my next point, when is it too late?
When to Have Kids
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/supersizer
There is no perfect timing for children. This is where faith is required. You must trust God is with you, will comfort you in your exhaustion, and provide everything you need.
When you prolong the decision to have kids, as the world is doing, there is a risk, and you need to be educated. Society is encouraging women to pursue their careers, then have children. While medicine has advanced, there are significant risks to this decision. Who will be held accountable when things don’t go as you planned?
A study shows that women overestimate the age at which fertility declines. I recently read a book called 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney. Courtney states some staggering statics that most women don’t know.
-“If you are a healthy thirty-year-old woman, you have about a 20 percent chance per month to get pregnant. By the age of forty, however, your chance is only about 5 percent per month."
-"If a woman conceives at age thirty-eight, the possibility of miscarriage has tripled, the rate of stillbirth has doubled, and the risk of genetic abnormality is six times as great. Additionally, the pregnancy is more likely to be complicated by high blood pressure or diabetes, and the baby is more likely to be premature or have low birth weight."
-"Women treated for infertility suffer from anxiety and depression as severely as patients who have been diagnosed with cancer or cardiac disease.”
The American Society for Reproductive Medicine makes the claim “a woman’s best reproductive years are in her 20s. Fertility gradually declines in the 30s, particularly after age 35.”
All these stats say that you can get pregnant if you choose to wait. However, it’s important to know how your body works and the potential difficulties you will face. Society wants you to choose your career over motherhood, but there is a consequence in doing so, and you deserve to know the facts.
Taking Up Our Cross
I am a practical person. I can make a pros and cons list with the best of them. I am prone to make logical, rational decisions. While this has its place, it doesn’t take our faith into consideration.
The Bible gives us understanding, but we will never truly know all of God’s ways until we are with Him in heaven. We are not meant to know all; otherwise, we would be God. This is hard for us type-A people who want to plan all the steps in our lives. At some point, we must give over our plans to the Lord. We must accept His plans are better than ours.
How does this apply to having kids? Quoting Jesus’ words in Luke 9:23-24, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, whoever loses their life for me will save it.”
This means giving our plans over to the Lord and being open-minded to His plans. His timing for growing your family might be different than yours. His size for your family might be larger or smaller than you imagined.
We were blessed with child number three. This was outside of my orchestrated plan. I am so thankful for His greater and wiser plans. I cannot imagine life without my third child. Has it put me out of my comfort zone? Absolutely.
God uses our children to sanctify us. They are a way to disclose our sinful hearts and grow into the people God wants us to be, more like Him. While parenting, I realized my limitations. I hit a place where I needed Him because I couldn’t do it on my own. Without being stretched and overwhelmed, my pride may have blocked me from reaching out to the One who could help me.
Learning to rely on Jesus is the greatest gift we can gain. Are you willing to burn your master plan and take up your cross?
Are You Qualified?
Are you mature enough? Have you read enough parenting books? Do you have enough savings in the bank? Am I going to be able to care for this vulnerable infant?
These questions swirl in our minds prior to starting a family. How can you not ask these questions and many more? It’s human nature. Most of us want to feel qualified for the jobs we sign up for. However, there is no manual for parenting (other than the Bible does a pretty good job).
God doesn’t want perfect parents. He wants parents who are willing to surrender to Him. He wants moms and dads who are reading their Bible and praying. He wants us to come to Him for help. God amazingly takes our mess and uses it for His glory. I cannot even count the times I have messed up with my kids. I answer, “I don’t know,” to more questions than I’d like to admit. I ask forgiveness from my kids often.
My husband and I weren’t “qualified” to bring my daughter home that first day. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to keep her alive. God knows all! We don’t have to hide our imperfections from Him.
We get to bring our insufficiency to Him and let His sufficiency be enough.
You only need to be able to do one thing. Are you ready to take up your cross? (Matthew 16:24) Are you ready to put your selfish desires aside and care for someone that can’t care for themselves? If you can do that, then you are ready.
Are You Ready to Be Different?
As Christians, we have a great responsibility. We have the job of raising our kids to know and fear the Lord. Fear in the Lord brings respect and reverence. Our holy God deserves our utmost esteem.
Raising kids in this modern age is challenging. When you ask if you are prepared to start a family, there is one additional question to ask. Are you ready to be different?
Most people want to fit in and go along with the crowd. As Christians, we are called to be different. We are held to an alternative standard. The Bible gives us a book to live by.
Are you ready to handle the backlash when your kids question why they attend church when the neighbors are playing outside? Will you be prepared to stand firm and bring them to church when their sports team plays a game on Sunday morning? Will you pray to the Lord and follow the convictions He gives you? Will you teach your kids the Bible?
Christian families should look different than other families. This is hard for some. You must be able to beat at the sound of your own drum and not follow the culture. To do this, you need a solid church so your brothers and sisters can support each other and hold each other accountable.
Being different isn’t always fun, but God’s ways are worth it. Life in eternity with Him is worth all the struggle.
God isn’t calling you to fit in; He’s asking for obedience. Are you willing to make the hard choices?
Raising kids in this postmodern world is complicated. The great news is you have access to a Savior who will guide you. You aren’t on this journey alone. God didn’t leave us alone to flounder. He promised His support. He left us with the Holy Spirit and the Bible to direct us.
The best thing you can do whenever you become a parent is to strengthen your dependence on the Lord. He will guide you through the journey of parenting.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Nikola Stojadinovic
Katie T. Kennedy lives in Richmond, VA. She is married to a wonderful husband Jonathan and they have three girls. She is a writer, blogger, and employee of the family business. After a mid-life spiritual transformation, she discovered her love of writing. She loves to travel, read, be in nature, cook, and dream. She would love to connect with you online at www.katietkennedy.com, Instagram or Facebook.