One of the most frustrating parts about being a believer is seeing other people justify sinful choices. While you see a better way for them to be, they don’t see the same for themselves. The frustration comes about not because they prosper in spite of their sin, though there is the possibility for that, but because you see the pain brought about by their decisions. You play the role of the powerless witness, seeing sin wreak havoc in their own lives and the lives of others. And though you see the right way to go, you encourage them to take that route, sometimes pleading with them, they still choose sin.
When will they learn? Why won’t they listen? Why don’t they get it?
We ask these understandable questions but are bereft of an answer. Maybe that person you know is a relative, a friend, or someone at work. Despite wanting what’s best for someone, sometimes they don’t want what’s best for themselves. Such a predicament leaves us with a question, what do we do?
When we lack control over how someone lives, and we see their actions bringing them to ruin, frustration is a sign that we may need to take a step back and regroup. If their behavior is outside of our control, then we ought to stick with what is in our control. And there is plenty we can do without giving in to our emotions.
Here are some helpful and holy ways to respond when other people sin.
1. Pray
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.” (James 5:16, CSB)
Prayer is one of the most intimate things we can do with or on behalf of someone else. Prayer is how we communicate with God our desires, our fears, and our own sin. Likewise, this is how we talk to God about the people in our lives too. We can bring to Him our frustrations and how we deeply desire for someone to change, not for our sake, but for their own.
When we pray, we can ask God to change their hearts and minds, and to bring them closer to Him. If they aren’t Christian, we can pray that they would come to know Christ.
2. Admonish
“Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
“And we exhort you, brothers and sisters: warn those who are idle, comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14)
Praying with someone is a direct way of communicating how much you care. Another direct means of communication is admonishing the other person - telling them exactly what they are doing wrong. Sometimes people don’t know or don’t care about the consequences of sin until they are called out. You don't have to belittle a person to call them out. Instead, you’re explaining to them how their behavior makes you feel and why you would like to see change.
An issue many of us find ourselves in today is the fear of being offensive. Sometimes offense is necessary to bring about change. Remember, sin is an offense to God. And if we let the people in our lives sin without stepping in to help them, then we, too, are committing an offense against God. Why should we expect other people to change when we ourselves won’t do our part?
3. Let Go of Control
If you’ve tried to communicate, either gently or through more direct means, sometimes stepping back and distancing yourself is the best approach. When you grow upset over someone else’s sin, getting emotional can worsen the situation. You could even damage the relationship based on how you respond. The better approach to take sometimes is to step back, collect yourself, and come to a logical response.
However, sometimes someone’s change is outside of our purview. Either God has intended for someone else to come along and be a positive influence, or He Himself will be sufficient. Either way, they are ultimately in His hands.
4. Wait
No one changes overnight, especially not those habits that have been ingrained over the course of years. Sometimes we have to wait for other people to learn from their mistakes. Sometimes we have to wait for those mistakes to be consequential.
Imagine some of the lessons we teach children. Some mistakes we don’t allow them to make for safety reasons, but others we allow them to make so that they learn. The same logic applies to the people we know, adults included.
Conclusion
The truth is that the frustration we feel watching other people sin is likely the same frustration someone in our lives has felt toward us. We, too, are susceptible to going our own way, doing our own thing, and being stuck in sin despite our better judgment. I know I’ve been stuck in sin, sometimes for years.
That’s why we need God. That’s why we need one another.
Other people should know better, but so should we. Thankfully, God gives us grace. The same grace we should extend to others. The next time someone sins, rather than allowing frustration to boil over into bad ideas or actions, put yourself in their shoes. If you were behaving as they were, what would you want someone to do for you?
Perhaps, pray with you or just for you. Maybe you would want someone to confront you or just wait for you to learn. Use that as your guide for better decision-making.
“Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Sanja Radin
Aaron D'Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes to Salem Web Network’s Crosswalk platform and supports various clients through the freelancing website Upwork. He's an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo.
Get in touch with him at aarondanthony.com and check out his debut short story anthology Honey Dreams on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.