Letting Go of the “Should”
By Laura Bailey
“Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.” - Proverbs 16:3, ESV
One of my fitness instructors often shares a kind word, a moment of reflection, or general thought while the class stretches and winds down. She encourages us to lie on our backs, close our eyes, and take a few minutes to embrace stillness in our bodies and minds.
I find it challenging to sit still or slow down my thoughts, as I imagine others do. Our minds race with everything we need, should, and could be doing; sitting in silence feels like a waste of precious productive moments.
On this particular day, as I mentally began next week’s meal prep, the instructor’s words arrested my thoughts. “Today, instead of telling ourselves that we should do something, let’s ask ourselves, do we need to or feel like doing it.” What a novel concept in a constantly moving world that screams that if you’re not hustling, you’re not living. You are worthless if your calendar is overflowing and your time is maxed out. Was my teacher suggesting we not say “yes,” to everything?
Do you resonate with one of these scenarios?
You agree to join the parent-teacher organization even though you’re beyond stretched, but you feel like you should because all the other seemingly put together signed up.
You say yes when asked to volunteer in the children’s ministry, even though your heart aches at your inability to conceive a child, but you feel you should support the families at church in this way.
You don’t tell your husband that his hobbies are taking away from much-needed family time, but you should support him since he’s sacrificed so much for the family.
In the words of the beloved Frozen character, Olaf, these are “all good things, all good things,” but they may not be the right thing for us, especially in our current season. God never intended us to do and be all things to all people. Instead, he uniquely gifted us with specific talents and placed us in certain situations so that we can use discernment in what we invest our time and resources into.
This can be extremely difficult, as we have endless opportunities but no extra time or energy. We must read God’s word daily, pray to Him, and seek wisdom and clarity in our decision-making.
If you’re like me, sometimes you just wish that God would give you a clear yes or no in specific circumstances:
Do you take the job?
Do you stay at home with your kids?
Do you serve in that ministry?
Do you support that organization?
I get it! I a black-and-white kind-of gal and often wish that, like a magic eight ball, I could give my Bible a few shakes, and the answer would pop up from the pages. And, yes, there are areas of the Christian life that Scripture does speak very clearly into, but for many decisions, the Lord has given us the freedom to choose how we spend our time and resources.
Instead of focusing on the details, we can take a step back and ask ourselves, is this something that we feel God calling us to in the specific season of life? Remember, “not now” over time turns into a “yes, I can.” We don’t have to say yes, to every opportunity, as that wasn’t the Lord’s intention for our lives. We are limited, finite beings who must set ( and keep) boundaries to protect our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
So might I encourage you to abandon the “should-do” thinking and adopt a mindset of, “Is this what God is calling me to do?” It’s easier said than done, as we don’t want to disappoint our friends, family, and co-workers. We desire to help others, to give of our finances to advance the Gospel and fill various needs, and we will feel that tug as believers. But, we also need to carefully weigh our current responsibilities, season of life, and general bandwidth before committing. The Gospel frees us from the approval of man and even frees us from the internal pressures we place on ourselves! We don’t have to feel guilt or shame from being unable to do it all; we can accept our limitations and have peace and comfort knowing we have a limitless God!
Heavenly Father, we love you and are so grateful to be Your children. Help us live within the limits you so graciously placed on our lives. Thank you for placing opportunities for us to serve and give of our time and resources. May we bring each one before you and seek Your wisdom and guidance before saying, “Yes.” Let us carefully use the word “should” instead of asking what you desire of us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Doucefleur
Laura Bailey is an author and Bible teacher who encourages women to understand what they believe, why it matters, and how to apply biblical truths to their lives. Her recent book, Embracing Eternity in the Here and Now, explores how the timeless truths of Ecclesiastes help us live more peaceful, purposeful, and plentiful lives today.
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com
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